deepthoughts

I was wondering if there was a retarted baseball team, would they all be on the disabled list? One thing is for sure, they would be fighting over handicapped parking spots.

Do you think that all horses are ready for a stable relationship?

If I told you about two people, one named Flippy and one named Hambone, who would you think likes dolphins more? You probably said Flippy but your wrong because its Hambone.

The only difference between me and a superhero is that I get sent home from work for wearing tites, that's just unfair.

I think that the reason Cops won't let you snoop through plane wreakages is because someone might lay down and say, "What the hell was that!"

A whale washed up on the shore of Vancouver Island the other day. An autopsy revealed that it had died of AIDS. Turns out that it was rear ended by a ferry.

Laughter is the best medicine, unless your diabetic, then incilin is the best medicine.

At big family dinners I like to pile up the potatoes and when people ask me where the meat is, I pull out the meat from under the potatoes and say, "You mean this?"

My girlfriend asked me how I slept once, I said, "I don't know, I made a few mistakes."

I got fired from my job at the pet store for braiding three snakes together and dipping bunnies into chocolate for action poses. What has this world come to?

Why is the dove the peace symbol? Why not try the pillow, it has more feathers and doesn't have that dangerous beak.

Sometimes when I think about the meaning of life I think about the word "mankind". If you break it up to "mank" and "ind", everything becomes that much clearer.

It would be really satisfying to see someone sink into quicksand. Then, when all the on-lookers are panicking, the guy would come shooting out of the quicksand on waterskiis.

Why are they called hotpants when clearly, they are shorts. I don't get it?

I was wondering, when hookers are learning their tricks of the trade, are they given oral exams by their pimps?

I remember when my great Uncle Jerry used to sit on the porch and whittle away wood. Once, he whittled me a boat out of a nice, red boat that I gave him. The new boat was almost as nice except it was bumpy and had no red paint left.

I've found that you can't make someone love you, however you can stalk them untill they give in.

If you haven't already, I must invite you to SIMMER DOWN NOW!!!