| Stuff I've Put to papes when I had nothing better to do... |
| Tunnels without an end, caves darker then hell, cats meowing, storm approaching, trees swaying, worst of all - people in sight, but of course not all people can be special, Toes all in tact, fingers in place, voice ready to sing, eyes observe the truth, the mind falls victim to self, mind and owner, Tears turn to blood, pour out of the head, lines of red liquid appear on the skin, body disobeys the mind, two entities. Few people if any, shut out and up in exile. They don't have any resonance. Spread the love they preached, unevenly. Time was endless, now it ceases, eyes want to close forever, control, control. FIght the urge of silence, fight. Fight it. Hear me, fight. I love you, just fight. I hate you. People dying from people, mainly themselves. Avoid it. Look forward. Oceans don't last forever, they fucking lie. They deceive. Don't bother asking, no answers. Just live. Heartbeats fast, slow. Breath draws inwards, out. Live goddamnit. - It's a happy free association. Didn't know what I could do when i first looked, saw you then words meant a lot more to us seemed like we had more to discuss we'd met before, so it had seemed it was different then what i'd dreamed finally, someone came for me it was you, can't you fuckin see? cried into your brand new shirt just hold me longer, can't hurt then, you said you loved me hid my scars but you still see sang me a McLaughlan song about someone feeling wrong thank you for the song, my love nothing to be ashamed of want to relive that night so much felt so right you calmed my fear and ache shouldn't kiss you, for who's sake? The next day, it was still the same except you left and came you got up to go home I was left with no where to roam wouldn't kiss me back goodbye couldn't look me in the eye our paths would later cross again traveled to see my good friend It was your birthday I came a long way you held me and sang a song I thought nothing could go wrong hated how you knew when to say 'I like you, but there's no way' it was the last night we spent there holding each other, bodies bare I knew you told your first lie pulled on your pants, began to cry another sad goodbye was had can't feel anything but bad time passes and I hurt again When will it all end said hurtful things to both of you I know you make mistakes too I can't take anymore shit fell for your charm and wit what was I supposed to do? move on and just forget about you? People think I have lots to give now, it's hard just trying to live don't always wear my heart on my sleeve please respect me, don't deceive I don't know what to do now Things I need to say, if i knew how like no matter where i'll be i'll want you there with me I'm sorry for who I am don't want to give a damn the tears fall down my face there's just too much space I miss how things used to be Wish it wasn't just a memory On guard waiting for a sign, when the feelings were just mine you're just words on a screen what does it all mean? Black intense light Darkly lit white medium displayed toys of moving limgs, parts real sking, no hearts The great world only seen by so few far beween but I see and play with little objects that stay A beckoned escape this marvelous wake of humans locked in gloom I'm one of them, I assume Crystal rain hits my heaving chest as my wilting spirit is at rest angels crying about me I swim in the new sea Am I dead? or a dream? I don't know. No theme. Won't no for sure, until there's a cure. We're all mad and fucks growing up just sucks get dumped, shit on can't see who's a con I'm drugged and knocked up forgot to wear my cup went to jail today there's no other way stole from my dad's store he can't take no more he called up the cops I can't run those blocks I was taken in I can't seem to win I need me a hit enough of this shit So I break these chains through the window panes I'm a fugitive not a way to live My best friend was shot killer wasn't caught I'm alone in the game things just ain't the same I'm sick of this plight but no end in sight I no longer run and pick up a gun Place it to my head I'm already dead My stomach is sick baby just kicked forgot bout her it gave me a stir Must stay alive until she can arrive six months along so this is all wrong baby is too soon she'll come at noon The pain won't stop belly will drop she lies on the street right at my feet I leave her with sister I bent down to kiss her was alive and well but soon off to sell I get my gun this'll be done. - purely NOT autobiographical, frankly, it came to me during soc lecture, it was a paul mccartney moment maybe Sick of the plastic stuff in life can't be happy with these things you know all the lies, all the lack of strife just sing, to me, sing low give me something now to look forward to just show me how how to be more than you Sick of not doing nothing dreaming isn't so great I just really need something I don't think I can wait I would go tomorrow too but I'd made plans with her plans that I don't want to do want things the way they were Sick of having no vices no one listens, just paper ignore me, with your devices on to me like a caper seeing me distorted and weak not like you saw before a girl really just meek down to her bitter core |
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| A Long Happy Life It's too late for us nothing to discuss still want to sleep the gloom'll creep up on me again it's an old friend my skin's too thick to stop the sick i cut enough to see the devil inside me it's a voice i hear to calm this fear as i take a breath closer to death i want you here to make it clear that you still care i want us to share a long happy life i'll be a doting wife i don't know you yet we still haven't met if i die now, maybe there won't be a baby haven't seen a smile on me in awhile want to start over want to kill her the girl running the show she's fast and i'm slow she'll live, i'll die don't care why but if it's me who goes i want you to know if i was the one no harm was done i'd kiss you goodnight and hold you tight i'd wait all day just to say how i adore you with what i put you through i highly doubt we'll meet it'll be another girl on a street i'm cold and alone what i've always known come and hold me, i'll wait it's still too little, too late i did this on my own i'm destined to be alone whoever's up there please be aware i'm wiating for you to see me through i'm too young to be like this i'm too old for a first kiss i want to be loved more feel it down to my core i'm sick of living a lie sick of wanting to die i can't fight anymore it's an endless chore i just want to be free of all this misery. - February 8, 2004 |