| Boyfriend Application |
| 1) Name? 2) Age? 3) Location? 4) Living situation? a) All by myself b) Still at home c) With whatever family member will tolerate me for the moment d) With my gf/wife/ baby mamma 5) Occupation? a) Job? What job? I have a Sugar mamma to pay my bills b) Does professional pimp count? c) A good one, I can take care of my business d) Well I work sometimes 6) Level of education? a) Well I dropped out of HS but I might get my GED before I turn 30 b) I finished HS but college is just not for me c) I have my 4 year degree d) I am still a student 7) What do you look like? (or just attach a pic) 8) Marital status? a) Single! Very very single. I am not seeing anyone! b) Well technically I am single, but I do have my "associates" c) Well I do have a gf/wife/baby mamma, but she doesn't need to know 9) What type of relationship are you looking for? a) I just want a fuck buddy b) I am hoping to find the right man.... c) I want someone I can treat right and enjoy spending time with d) I plan on getting married within the next 2.5 years so I figured I better get cracking on this whole gf thing so she can start producing my evil spawn 10) What type of girl do you like physically? 11) What do you like in a girl when it comes to personality? a) She doesn't need a personality if she is hot, actually she doesn't need a brain either in that case! b) She has to be funny, cool, smart and someone I can just enjoy being around. 12) Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend? If so, how many times and why? 13)Do you have any kids? a) No way! Not till I find the right woman to raise my evil spawn b) No kids.... well that I know of anyway c) I did have 1 or 2, but I do take care of my responsibility d) I lost count of how many kids I have 14) Who pays on a first date? a) She would if she wants to go anywhere. I am flat broke and busted b) Well when the check comes for dinner I am hoping she will grab it so I am off the hook, I am cheap what can I say. c) I love feminists, but I should pay, I want to make a good impression of course. 15) What is your idea of a great date? a) Well she comes over my place once my mom is at work, cleans my room then gives into sex without too much of a fight b) Dinner and a movie, something classic c) Spending the whole day together, watching a video from Blockbusters, sharing a homemade dinner, then going to the park to watch the sunset d) I don't like going out and I don't like people *twitches* 16) Do you have any pets? a) No, I am not good with living creatures b) Yes, I have some type of creepy or slimy or scaly animal c) Yes I have something normal like a dog or cat d) I have something cute and fuzzy, like an adorable lil bunny 17) Do you know how to treat a girl? a) Yes of course, I would only beat the bitch when she talks back to me b) Not sure, I have never had an actual gf c) Of course I know, I should treat her like the princess she is 18) What do you think about long distance relationships? a) I would never have one b) It is not the best situation, but maybe if we moved closer things could happen c) I have about a dozen of them going at any given time with girls online 19) You say "I will call you tomorrow" to the girl you just had a great date with, but what do you really mean? a) "I will call you as soon as I get home cause I miss you already" b)"I will call you tomorrow" c) "I will never call because I am bastard who doesn't know a good thing when I see it, but I do like leading girls on" d) "I will call you next week, maybe" 20) What kind of car do you drive? a) My mom's when she lets me b) Car? Why would I need that when I have girls to drive me around c) I have one, it would be really hard to walk to work d) I have one, but I can't really drive legally till 2006 when I get my driver's license back 21) What type of music do you like? a) I like lots of things b) Only lesbian music! c) Alternative, rock, classic 90's stuff d) Country, yee ha! 22) What are your hobbies? 23) Do you drink? Smoke? Any drugs? 24) What is your favorite food? a) Anything italian. Mmmmm lasagna mmmmm b) Anything that a girl will buy for me c) Something else ((fill in the blank)) Now let's get to the good sex questions! 25) How many girls have you been with? a) None, I am a sweet, innocent virgin b) A few, enough to know what I am doing, but I am no slut c) I am a total slut, I have have been with more than 20 girls d) I lost count at girl #50. Definitely don't ask me to remember their names or anything 26) When it comes to sex skills, what are you best at? a) Definitely kissing b) I am the best at foreplay and oral c) Fucking is all I know d) I can do it all, Baby 27) How long do you wait to have sex with a girl once you meet her? a) Till she gives into my charms, hopefully on the first night b) I wait till I get to know her better c) When she is my gf and we are both ready then it is ok d) I am waiting till marriage 28) Are you kinky? a) Yes that is the best part! Tie me up, Baby! b) No way, I like my vanilla sex 29) What quality in a relationship makes for the best sex? a) Good communication, being able to say what you like and how you like it b) Just having big equipment. What more could a girl want?? c) Having an open mind and just having fun with someone you care about d) Not knowing the girl's name keeps things interesting for me 30) When was the last time you had sex? a) Within the last week b) It has been a couple weeks c) A few months d) It has been so long that the World Trade Center were still standing the last time I got any 31) You have just have gotten home from work, and you are a little worn out. Your girlfriend calls you and says "Baby, I want to fuck you soo badly, come over now" .. what do you do? a) Get in your car and go see her to take care of your business. b) Tell her "But Hunny, I am tooo tired for sex" and just go to bed leaving her to play with herself. c) Too tired for sex??? Are you fucking crazy!? Get your ass over there! d) Tell her you are coming over and just don't show up because you really don't want to get laid ever again. 32) List any references Alright almost done!!!! 33) Why did you want to fill this out? 34) What do you think of me?! |
| Well I am sure from the title of this page you can figure out what this is all about. If you are interested, copy and paste the questions into an email, answer them, and send it to me at [email protected] . Keep in mind, this is meant to be funny so I hope you get a good laugh from this. |