PROOF THAT SQUIRRELS ARE DANGEROUS
THE ONLY PROOF I HAVE IS A GOVERNMENT DOCUMENT THAT I GOT THROUGH THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT.  THE DOCUMENT REVEALS THAT 95% OF ALL MURDERS, ASSUALTS, ROBBERIES, AND RAPES ARE SQUIRREL RELATED.  HOWEVER THIS DOCUMENT WAS DESTROYED WHEN I WASN'T HOME.  THE ONLY THING I NOTICED WHEN I GOT HOME WERE TINY FOOTPRINTS ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR THAT LOOKED LIKE SQUIRREL FOOTPRINTS TO ME.
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