[4.2]Love Bites Dog

Love Bites Dog                              Written by Suzanne Martin            
                                            Directed by Jeff Melman                         
Production Code: 4.2.
Episode Number in Production Order: 74
Original Airdate on NBC: 24th September 1997
Transcript written on 29th August 2000
Transcript revised on 12th September 2002.

Transcript {Iain McCallum}

[N.B. This episode is the first where Dan Butler's name appears in the 
opening credits as a regular cast member.]

Act One

Scene 1 Ė KACL. 
Bulldog is on the phone outside the booth.

Bulldog: Baby, baby.  All Iím saying is we should cool it for a while. 
         Whatís that saying... er... if you love something, let it go; 
         if it comes back to you... yadda, yadda, yadda?  Yeah, thatís 
         it.  Donít get me wrong, Iím really broken up about this. 

At this point Frasier walks past and Bulldog shouts at him as he 
throws him a tennis ball.  Needless to say Frasier tries to catch it, 
juggles it like a hot potato then eventually throws his hands up in 
despair and goes into his booth.

Bulldog: [still on the phone] Come on now.  No tears.  Iíll never 
         forget you either, Sandy.  Linda?  Really?  I thought I was 
         talking to your sister.  Oh well, tell her same goes. [hangs 

Meanwhile Frasier is in his booth.  Roz walks in.

    Roz: Hey Frasier, do you have a minute? 
Frasier: Yes, of course, Roz.  What is it? 
    Roz: Well, youíre not going to like this idea.  Youíre going to 
         complain and make up excuses and then say no anyway. 
Frasier: Those are the very words I would use to woo my dear Lilith. 
    Roz: OK, here goes.  I have this friend and I think you two would 
         really hit it off... 
Frasier: And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink, 
         which might lead to dinner, and then after that who knows 
    Roz: Yes, exactly. 
Frasier: [suddenly gets concerned] Ooh, oh Roz.  Do you hear that? 
    Roz: What? 
Frasier: If you listen very carefully you can actually hear my skin 
    Roz: I know, blind dates stink.  But sheís my friend and Iím 
         worried about her. 
Frasier: Oh, Roz. 
    Roz: When was the last time you were with a woman?  Seems like 
         almost a year. 
Frasier: Oh, it has not been that long.  I mean, that is a laugh!  
         Hah!  The last time was... [thinking] er... well, letís see...
         Well, the tree was still up.  Oh, God! 
    Roz: Her name is Sharon.  Sheís five-seven... 
Frasier: Oh Roz, Iím not interested. 
    Roz: But sheís an incredible person.  Sheís smart, sheís funny, 
         sheís a former pro-golfer.  She just hasnít met the right 
Frasier: A woman golfer.  Are we quite certain there is a right guy? 
    Roz: She dates men. 
Frasier: [picks up his briefcase] Not this one. 
    Roz: She plays chess.  She loves your show. [he leaves through the 
         door] And I know this sort of thing isnít supposed to matter 
         to people like you but Iíve seen her in the showers at the gym 
         and she has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley! 
Frasier: [poking his head back round the door] A chess player, did 
         you say? 

Roz smiles and nods.

Scene 2 - Frasierís Apartment Martin walks in after taking Eddie for his walk. However, there is no sign of Eddie. The ankles of Martinís pants are soaked. Daphne comes through from the kitchen. Martin: Look at these pants. Daphne: Oh dear, Mr. Crane. Did Eddie drag you through the puddles again? Martin: Every last one of them. [looks outside in the hall] Eddie, get in here. Eddie, I mean now! [A very sheepish Eddie walks in slowly, keeping his head down] What am I going to do with you? My favourite shoes are soaked. Eddie, look at me when Iím talking to you. Daphne: Youíre doing it again. Martin: What? Daphne: Youíre acting like one of those nut jobs in the park who treat their pets like children. Martin: Yeah? Well, when you do it outside youíre a nut. When you do it inside itís your own damn business. Eddie, go to your room! [Eddie runs off] Daphne: Donít worry about your shoes. Iíll get them all dried out for you. Martin: Well, I hope. Theyíre not just any shoes, you know. These are Mocarbies - the most comfortable shoes made. Air- cushioned in-soles, deep flannel lining. You know, I remember one anniversary I surprised Hester with a pair of Lady Mocarbies. I donít remember which anniversary, but I know it ended with a zero. Daphne: I donít doubt that! As Daphne takes off Martinís shoes and heads into the kitchen, Eddie runs out from the bedroom with Martinís slippers in his mouth. Martin: Oh, all right, I forgive you. I love you too. Frasier walks out from his bedroom through to the living room, dressed in a suit. Martin: Youíll always be my very best boy. Frasier just walks past with a look of disdain. Martin notices the suit and whistles at him. Frasier: You know, Dad, there are some fathers who actually praise their sons and whistle at their dog? Martin: New suit, huh? Whoís the lucky girl? Frasier: Well, if you must know Iím meeting a friend of Rozís today after work, but itís no big deal. Martin: Well, congratulations. Whatís it been? A year? Frasier: It has not been that long! Martin: I remember the tree was still up. Frasier storms off into the kitchen where Daphne is busy. Daphne: Well, look at you all dressed up. Frasier: Yes, itís a new suit. Yes, Iím meeting a woman. And yes, it has been a while. Daphne: Thanks, that reminds me. I have to order my cards. Frasier: [examining the microwave] Daphne, are you finished here with the microwave? Daphne: Oh, no! She rushes to the microwave and opens the door, releasing a cloud of smoke just as Martin wanders into the kitchen. Martin: My Mocarbies! Daphne: I didnít mean to leave them in there so long. Frasier: Yes, well, English cooking strikes again! FADE TO: Scene Three Ė Cafť Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are sitting at their usual table. Frasier: Well, I think you should be happy that one of your patients feels healthy enough to terminate his therapy. Niles: I would, but itís happened so often lately I find myself in financial straits. Deep financial straits. Look at this belt: [opens up his jacket before whispering] Spanish leather! Frasier: Yes, well if Mr. Blackwell comes in Iíll create a diversion, you can make a dash for it. Niles: Obviously the time has come for me to expand my practice, so Iím placing an ad in the Seattle "Style" magazine. Frasier: An advertisement? Isnít that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist? Niles: Said Dr. Pot to Dr. Kettle! Besides, a highly respected obstetrician on my floor did it and now his waiting room has more swollen bellies than a Buddhist temple. [laughs at his joke before handing Frasier the ad] Iím on my way to call it in. I just wanted to run it by you. Frasier: All right. [reading ad] "Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts." Well, thatís just excellent, Niles. All youíre missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head! Niles: Sorry, I didnít hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus. [gets up to leave] Iím off. Roz walks in and sees Niles. Roz: Hey, wild thing. Niles: Yes, hello. Roz: Look, we have on the same belt. Niles: [horrified] Oh my God! Niles leaves and Roz goes over to join Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. OK, Sharonís gonna be here any minute. Frasier: You didnít say anything to her? Roz: No, not a word. She has no idea this is a set-up. Frasier: Good, good. Now, listen. If I donít like her I will simply excuse myself and leave. But if I do like her I will find some polite and discrete way of hinting to you that you may go... Roz: Hi, Sharon! Roz waves to a stunning leggy blonde that has just walked in. Frasier: Beat it, Roz! Sharon comes to join them. Sharon: Hi, Roz. Roz: Look who I ran into. My boss Ė Dr. Frasier Crane. Frasier, this is Sharon Payton Sharon: Oh, pleased to meet you. Iím a big fan of your show. Frasier: Thank you. Sharon: Iím sure youíre tired of hearing that. You probably get it all the time. Frasier: Oh, well, not lately! Roz: Listen, Sharon, Iím so sorry to do this to you but I just got a call from the office and itís urgent and I have to go. Sharon: Oh, sure, thatís all right. Frasier: Well, you know, as long as youíre here you might as well join me. Sharon: Thatíd be nice. Roz: OK. Frasier: Bye, Roz. Roz leaves. Sharon: You know, I really do love listening to your show. I think itís because you have such a soothing voice. Frasier: [smooth] What a kind thing to say. Sharon: I even called in once. Frasier: Really? May I ask what the problem was? Sharon: Well, Iím terribly competitive, which is great for sports - I used to play pro-golf Ė but sometimes it seeps into my personal life. Frasier: Ah, well, I donít think thatís too great a problem, but if I were to make a recommendation it might be to start seeing a therapist. Both laugh at this. Meanwhile Bulldog has came into the Cafť and walks up to their table. Bulldog: Whoa! Hello, gorgeous. Frasier: Hello, Bulldog. Bulldog: Not you. Hey, arenít you gonna introduce me? Frasier: Well, actually I wasnít, no! Bulldog: [introducing himself] Bob Briscoe. Sharon: [shaking hands] Sharon Payton. Frasier: Yes, good to see you, Bulldog. [trying to push him away] Donít be a stranger. Bulldog: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Sharon Payton - I know you. [grabs the nearest seat that happens to have someone sitting on it] LPGA. You won the Denver Open in 1992. Frasier: 1992? You know, thatís a fabulous year for a particular Chambertin I took a shine too... Sharon: [ignoring Frasier and speaking to Bulldog] I know you too. Youíre that guy that says golf is not a sport. Bulldog: Well, itís not. Sharon: Really? Bulldog: Yeah. No cheerleaders, no blood and the only cups involved are in the ground! Frasier: You know, this reminds me of a debate I had with my brother Niles about whether or not Steven Sondheim is really light opera... Sharon: You know, I have a theory that people who put down golf do so because they canít play well. Bulldog: Is that a challenge? Sharon: It might be. Bulldog: If we leave right now we can get in 9 holes. Sharon: Loser buys dinner. Bulldog: I got a 9 handicap. Sharon: Youíre on. [turns to Frasier] Frasier, would you like to join us? Frasier: Well, no, I donít play. Sharon: Well, it was really nice meeting you. Frasier: Likewise. Sharon: Iíll get my coat. She leaves Bulldog and Frasier alone. Frasier: Bulldog! Roz set this up that I might meet Sharon. Until you got here things were going in a very positive direction. Bulldog: Yeah, well, things seem to have changed, havenít they? What do you eggheads call that? Irony? Frasier: Is there nothing I can do to appeal to your sense of decency? Bulldog: Hey, I have no sense of decency. That way my other senses are enhanced! Bulldog walks out with Sharon, leaving Frasier looking particularly frustrated.
Scene Four - Daphne's Car Daphne is busy driving down the street while Martin is in the front seat still babbling about his shoes. Martin: ...but the real secret to Mocarbies is that they mold themselves to the shape of your foot. Now my problem was always hammer toes. If you had hammertoes you had a hell of a time buying shoes. But Mocarbies fit over my hammer toes like a glove. Funny, you know? When youíre young you dream about fame and fortune. When you get to my age all you really want out of life is a comfy pair of shoes. Daphne: Right now Iíd settle for never hearing the words "hammer toes" again! Martin: Hey, donít give me any attitude. Wasnít me that nuked the Mocarbies. Daphne: Iím not the one who canít remember where the store is where you bought the damn shoes. Martin: Just drive. Iíll tell you when to stop... STOP! Daphne: [braking, looking out the window] Is that it? Martin: Itís a red light! In this country we stop for those. Daphne: All right, all right. Martin: Woman driver! Daphne: Hammer toes! FADE TO:
Scene Five - KACL Frasier is busy in the booth and looks bored. Roz walks in. Roz: [punching Frasier on the arm] Frasier. Frasier: What? Oh, oh. Havenít you spoken with Sharon? Roz: I tried but she wasnít home all weekend. [punching Frasier on the arm] Frasier! Frasier: Look, before you snap my behind with a wet towel, last time I saw Sharon she was leaving Cafť Nervosa with Bulldog. Roz: [punching Frasier violently on the arm] Frasier! How could you let that happen? Frasier: Well, I donít know. The whole thing was sort of a blur. We were talking about golf and something called a handicap, the next thing I know Iím sitting there with a cappuccino muttering to myself in a very soothing voice. Roz: Iím sorry. Frasier: Itís all right, Roz. Itís just the whole thing catapulted me back to high school. You know me as an adult, but back then I was rather an un-athletic, bookish sort. Roz: [sarcastic] Get out! Frasier: Jocks were the bane of my existence. They would always call me a "weenie" and steal all the girls that I wanted. Roz: Oh Frasier, you must have had some girlfriends. Frasier: Friends, yeah, yeah. Any time they wanted a sensitive shoulder to cry on, until some blond-headed pillar of testosterone would come by and it was, "Bye Frasier, we can study later." Iíd head home to Niles and weíd put on "The Brandenberg Concertos" and play air violin. Roz: Jeez, what a couple of Nerdlingers! Frasier: I suppose you were Miss Popular at High School? Roz: I would say yes. Frasier: Iím guessing that explains why, too! Bulldog walks in looking like the cat that got the cream. However, his second skin of cockiness seems to be missing. Bulldog: Hey guys. What a weekend... Roz: Listen, Bulldog. Sharon is my friend and youíd better not hurt her! Bulldog: Hurt? Hurt her? [swaying] I'm crazy about her! I never felt this way before. You know, on my way to work, all these songs on the radio suddenly made sense to me? Have you ever listened to the words to "Time in a Bottle"? Itís so beautiful, man; I had to pull over. Roz: [horrified] Oh my God. Itís in love! Bulldog: [holding Frasier and Rozís hands] Last night for the first time in my life I actually said those three little words Ė "stay for breakfast." Frasier: [appalled] You had sex with Sharon? Bulldog: Doc, please! We "made love." You know what? I gotta call her. [picks up the phone] No, wait. No, I gotta play hard to get. [slams phone down] But I miss the sound of her voice. Iím calling her. [picks up phone] No, wait. Itís too needy. Chicks hate that. [puts phone down] I shouldnít call her. But I want to! [picks up phone before putting it down again] Doc, what should I do?! Frasier: [by now thoroughly mystified] Donít ask me. I donít even know who you are! End of Act Two Act Two Scene One Ė The streets of Seattle. Martin and Daphne are still busy hunting for the shoe store. Martin is looking into an old shop that is now covered with an iron grille and has obviously been closed for a while. A homeless man is lying nearby. Martin: This was it. This was the Mocarbies store. Now itís gone, and so are the only shoes Iíve ever loved. Daphne: Mr. Crane, look at me. Weíre talking here about something thatís old and smelly and dirty. Tramp: Hey! Martin: Not you. Weíre talking about Mocarbies. Tramp: Ah! Great shoes. They used to sell them here. Martin: What happened to the store? Tramp: Moved. Daphne: Do you know where? Tramp: Yeah. Itíll cost you. Martin: [going into his pocket] How much? Tramp: Not money. I want a kiss. Daphne: [horrified] What? Martin: You heard him. Daphne: Mr. Crane! Martin: You heard him. You owe me. Itís only a kiss. Tramp: Not her. [smiles at Martin] Martin looks terrified and goes to hide behind Daphne who is busy smiling at him. FADE TO: Scene Two Ė KACL. Frasier is finishing up his show. Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780 Talk radio. Niles walks in carrying a magazine. Niles: I thought youíd never finish. Frasier: You know, Niles, what say I buy us dinner with a lot of martinis? Niles: Sounds great, except for the dinner part! Frasier: I take it you had a bad day too? Niles: I had an abysmal day. Remember the ad I placed? Frasier: Oh yes - "Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist," blah blah blah. Niles: Yes. Well, theyíve made a tiny little typo. See if you can find it. [hands Frasier the magazine] Frasier: [reading] "Dr. Niles Crane..." [a look of realisation] "Hung specialist." Oh, my! Niles: The rest they got perfectly. [continues reading] "Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed." [looks at Frasier with a sorrowful face] "Tell me where it hurts!" Frasier: Well... any calls? Niles: Itís a telethon, Frasier. Frasier: Yes. Weíll start with double martinis. Niles and Frasier leave the booth and run into Bulldog, who is on the phone to Sharon. Bulldog: Hey Doc, wait a second. I need the name of one of those fancy restaurants you go to. [into phone] Hey, hi Sharon. Itís me, Bob. I had a great time last night. Listen, how about dinner tonight? You do? All right, how about tomorrow night? Hey, itís a good thing Iím not paranoid Ė Iíd think you were dumping me! [pause] Whoa, I walked into that one! Yeah, me too. Good luck, Sharon. [hangs up] Frasier: Iím sorry, Bulldog. Niles: [placing his hands supportively on Bulldogís shoulders] Me too. [moves Bulldog away from the phone] Iíll call Francois, see if he can get us a table on the patio. Pete, Bulldog's producer, sticks his head out of the booth. Pete: [poking his head out the booth] Ten seconds, Bulldog. Bulldog: [running into the booth] Oh, right, right. Frasier: [following him in] Bulldog Ė are you going to be all right? Bulldog: Me? Huh, are you kidding? Iím the Bulldog! He rattles his accessories and sits down to start his show while Frasier leaves. Bulldog: Attention, sports fans, youíre in the Doghouse! [barks, but breaks off midway] First, some weekend scores. In football the Packers crushed the Saints [stuttering] 42 to 10 and the 49ers humiliated [nearly in tears] the Patriots 35 to 7. And in golf... Bulldog takes a long pause. By now Frasier has joined Roz and Pete in the booth and all are looking concerned. Bulldog: Golf? Hey, golf sucks. Letís go to calls. [puts a caller through] Hey, youíre in the Doghouse. Put on a flea collar! Bulldog speaks to the caller. Meanwhile Niles rushes into the studio to speak to Frasier. Niles: We have the table, Frasier, but Francois says he can only hold it for ten minutes. Frasier: [brushing Niles off] In a minute. Back in the booth: Jerry: [v.o.] Whatís up with the rumour that the Seahawks are thinking of leaving Seattle again? Bulldog: I have no respect for them, man. Anyone who has their fun, then they [nearly in tears again] just leave you... hey, to hell with them, right? Weíll get another team. A team that- a team that will never leave us... [breaks down completely into tears] ...a team we can love forever. In the studio: Roz: You gotta go to commercial. Pete: I already did. Frasier: [rushing into the booth] Bulldog, are you going to be all right? Do you think you can take the show? Bulldog gets up and runs out of the booth sobbing. Roz: Wait, Bulldog. We need a tape. Whereís "The Best of Bulldog"? Bulldog: [weeping] She took the best of Bulldog! Pete: We got dead air in fifteen seconds. Roz: Great. OK, Iíll go get Bulldog. [turns to Frasier] You take over the show. Frasier: Me? A sports show? Roz: [rushing out] Youíre the only one here. Frasier takes his seat and rushes about, putting his headphones on the wrong way, hitting Bulldogís horn and generally looking completely lost. Frasier: OK, sports enthusiasts. This is Dr. Frasier Crane filling in for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. [bangs a cymbal] Youíre on the air. Mike: [v.o.] This is Mike. I wanted to talk to Bulldog but youíll do. So whatís your take on the damn Yankees this season? Frasier: Are you speaking of the frothy musical adaptation, or the baseball team of which I know nothing? Mike: What a weenie! [hangs up] Frasier: Doesnít that take me back? But he brings up a good point. You see, while Iím on the air, please feel free to call up about anything other than sports. Please. [takes a call] Hello, youíre on the air. Jake: [v.o.] Yeah. You think it was a good idea for the Sonics to give up those draft choices so they could free up some money under the cap, you know, to go after a wide body to help them in the paint? Frasier: [staring straight ahead, completely and utterly lost] Yes! [takes another call] Youíre on the air. CUT TO: The scene switches to the menís bathroom. Roz rushes in to try and find Bulldog who is hiding in a stall. There is a man standing at the urinal. Roz: Bulldog, I know youíre in there. Get out here! [turns to see the man who doesnít look pleased to see her] Oh, give me a break, Leonard Ė like you havenít fantasized about this moment. Bulldog: Go away, Roz. Roz: Will you grow up? So you got dumped. You got a little payback for the way youíve treated women all your life. Besides, the Bulldog I know doesnít get sad. He gets angry. Bulldog: Youíre right! [shouting violently:] THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL... [breaks down again] ...total B.S. Niles wanders in and stares at the scene unfolding before him. Roz: If you donít come out in the next thirty seconds Iím going to reach in there and grab you out by your ankles! Niles: Hello, Roz. Playing hard to get? Roz: Itís Bulldog. Youíre a psychiatrist, help him. Niles: As distressed as I am by his condition, heís not the only one whoís suffering here. In eight minutes Frasier and I are going to lose our patio table. Roz: Well, as long as Frasier is filling in for Bulldog youíre not going anywhere. Niles looks shocked and turns to help Bulldog while brushing Roz out the bathroom. Niles: You poor man. Help is at hand! Bulldog: No, no shrinks. I hate shrinks. Youíre all a bunch of wimps, weirdos... [comes out the cubicle and collapses in tears on Nilesís shoulders] Help me! Niles: There, there. Iím here for you. [pushes Bulldog away] And youíre over there for me. Well, I sense youíre in a great deal of pain. Bulldog: Yeah. Make it stop. Niles: No. The first step towards healing is not to bury the pain, but to feel it at its fullest depth. Bulldog lets out a wild scream that completely scares Niles. Niles: OK, well before security arrives, letís skip onto step two. Frasier charges in. Frasier: What is going on? Niles: Excuse me, Bulldog. Frasier, please, we are in session. Frasier: Look, Niles, we have to pull this man together in minutes, not in a lifetime! Niles: How dare you talk to me like that! Niles and Frasier proceed to argue loudly while Bulldog remains curled up on the bathroom floor. Frasier: We donít have the time for this. Now get out! Niles: All right, all right. Bulldog, Iím referring you to my brother. Frasier, Iíll call Francois and tell him thereís been a death in the family. That ought to buy us another ten minutes. Niles rushes out, leaving a depressed Bulldog and a stressed Frasier. Frasier: All right, Bulldog. Look, weíre on a newsbreak. You have got to pull yourself together, because there is no way Iím enduring anymore of that humiliation! Bulldog: Iím not going out there, man. Frasier: You have got to! I canít even decipher the abbreviations on the scoresheets. Iím guessing by your producerís guffaws that "IND" is not the Cleveland Independents! Bulldog: I just never felt this way about a chick before. I was even thinking about me and her having kids. Isnít that scary? Frasier: Positively bone chilling. Bulldog: [weeping] It hurts like hell. Frasier: I know, I know, Bulldog. You know, often through pain we can achieve emotional growth. It reminds me of a paper I recently presented to the Vancouver Psychiatric Association. The ground of my discourse was that the sufferer - i.e., you... Bulldog: Doc, Doc, youíre hurting my head here! Can you stop being a shrink and just be like a guy. Frasier: [thinking] Like a guy... Like a guy... [pauses for a moment] SCREW HER! Bulldog: What? Frasier: [angrily] Yeah, you donít need her. Sheís trash! Bulldog: Yeah, thatís right. Frasier: Youíre better off without her, we both are! Bulldog: I like the sound of this. Frasier: Yeah, so do I. Unattractive yet liberating, rather like the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit. [realising heís going off track] Iím sorry. SHEíS A BITCH! Bulldog: Hey, she wasnít even that hot. Frasier: Youíre right. All she did was save you the trouble of having to dump her! Bulldog: [upbeat] I never thought about that. Frasier: There you go! Bulldog: Iím feeling a little better, Doc. Frasier: Thatís right. Bulldog leaves the bathroom followed by Frasier. Bulldog: Thanks. Itís great talking to you [holds out his hand] Frasier: [shaking his hand] Likewise. You know I could talk like this for another [checks his watch] thirty seconds. The scene switches to the booth as Frasier and Bulldog walk in and Bulldog takes his seat for the show. Frasier: She was nothing! She was less than nothing! Bulldog: Yeah, right. Frasier: Tomorrow youíre gonna find someone even hotter, and you know what youíre gonna do? Bulldog: What? Frasier: Youíre gonna have your fun with her, and then youíre gonna DUMP her just for the hell of it! Bulldog: Yeah, DUMP HER! Frasier: And you know what?! Youíre not gonna feel bad about it at all! And you know why?! BECAUSE WEíRE GUYS! AND THATíS WHAT GUYS DO!!!!! Bulldog raises his arms in joy and lets out a dog howl. Frasier about turns and walks out the booth, meeting Niles. Niles: Distressing news, Frasier: Francois gave away our table. Frasier: SCREW HIM! Niles: [shocked] Excuse me? Frasier: You heard what I said! We donít need him or his stinky little restaurant! There are plenty of restaurants in town! I say we go somewhere we donít even need a reservation! Niles slaps Frasier, snapping him out of it. Frasier: Thank you, Niles. Niles: Youíre welcome. Frasier: Yes, you know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first seating at Cigar Volante. Frasier and Niles run out the corridor, both with fairly prancing gaits. End of Act 2 Credits: Frasier puts on his stereo and starts playing air violin while Eddie just sits back and watches. Frasier notices Eddie watching but this only encourages him as he takes out a handkerchief and places it on his shoulder to make the whole thing look more realistic. Niles is watching the whole thing from the sofa and gets up and joins Frasier in playing air violin. Eddie simply buries his head in the sofa.

Guest Appearances

 Guest Starring
 KAY E. KUTER as Tramp

 Guest Callers
 JULIUS "Dr. J" ERVING as Mike
 BOB COSTAS as Jake 

Thanks To...

Transcript written by IAIN MCCALLUM
Revised by MICHAEL LEE

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