[11.03] The Doctor Is Out


The Doctor Is Out                               Written by Joe Keenan 
                                                Directed by David Lee
=====================================================================
Production Code: 11.03
Episode Number In Production Order: 244
Original Airdate on NBC: Sep. 30, 2003
Transcript written on Oct. 10, 2003

AWARDS & NOMINATIONS

Won

EMMY
ē  Outstanding Multi-Camera Sound Mixing for a Series or Special: 
   Thomas J. Huth, Andre Caporaso, Robert Douglass, Dana Mark McClure

Transcript {Mike Lee}

Skyline:An Elevator rises to the top of the Space Needle.

ACT ONE

Scene One Ė Cafť Nervosa
FADE IN

Niles and Martin are seated at a table.  Frasier enters in his squash
togs.

Frasier: Oh, hello Dad, hi Niles.
 Martin: Hey, Fras.
Frasier: [to the counter waiter] Uh, may I get my usual, please? 
         [notices Nilesís suit] Niles, weíre playing squash in twenty 
         minutes.  Where are your togs?
  Niles: Oh, yes, I had to hide them in my briefcase.  I told Daphne I 
         was seeing patients all day.  It was the only way I could get 
         out of driving her to this flower show.  Itís two hours there 
         and back.
Frasier: I see.  Well, we could have rescheduled.  Did you really have 
         to lie?
  Niles: Did I mention weíd be joined by Daphneís mother, whoís 
         suffering from some female complaint and canít get it through
         her head that Iím not a gynecologist?
Frasier: Ah.  Well, then you had to save yourself.

The waiter brings their coffees.

  Niles: Thank you.  So, please, donít tell anyone weíre playing squash 
         today.  I canít have it getting back to Daphne.
Frasier: Right.

Roz enters.

    Roz: Hey, guys! [they all ad-lib hellos] Iím so glad youíre here, 
         you can meet my new boyfriend.  Heís the hottest guy Iíve 
         dated since...
  Niles: Frasier...

He has noticed a man in a topcoat getting his coffee at the counter.  
Frasier turns to look and also becomes excited.

    Roz: Okay, the hottest guy since... [cracking up] Frasier. [laughs]
  Niles: Thatís Alistair Burke!
Frasier: I know!
 Martin: Whoís Alistair Burke?
Frasier: He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the 
         finest directors in the world.
  Niles: His productions are brilliant.  He staged a Phillip Glass 
         opera last year, and no one left.

Frasier and Niles rise to introduce themselves.

[N.B. This would be the second time that Kelsey Grammer and Patrick 
Stewart have crossed paths Ė the first being Grammerís cameo on Star 
Trek: The Next Generation as Captain Morgan Bateson in the episode, 
"Cause and Effect."

Grammer was the third actor from Cheers to appear on a Star Trek set, 
after Kirstie Alley in "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" and Bebe Neuwirth 
in the Next Generation episode "First Contact."

On the other hand, Stewart is the fourth actor from a Star Trek series 
to appear on Frasier - the others being Robert Picardo from Voyager in 
[9.11] "Bully for Martin," Brent Spiner from Next Generation in [10.13]
"Lilith Needs a Favor," and Nana Visitor from Deep Space Nine in [10.14]
"Daphne Does Dinner."]

 Frasier: Alistair Ė uh, itís, itís Frasier Crane.  Uh, we met last 
          year at the fundraiser.
Alistair: [shaking hands] Of course!  Youíre on the radio.
 Frasier: Yes, yes!
Alistair: [to Niles] And youíre, uh Ė donít tell me...

Niles waits with a hopeful grin.

Alistair: All right, tell me.
   Niles: [deflated] Niles Crane. [also shakes hands]
 Frasier: Yes, weíve both got tickets to your premiere, and, oh, we 
          canít wait to see what magic youíll work with "La Boheme."
Alistair: [arch] Well, I would be content if my Mimi would just lay off 
          the cheeseburgers.  I sat her down yesterday and I said, 
          ďyouíre dying of consumption, dear, not over-consumption.Ē

Frasier and Niles both give loud, suck-up laughs.  Martin and Roz share 
an eye-roll.

 Frasier: Oh, thatís hilarious!
   Niles: Itís funny because itís bitchy.
 Frasier: Yes, and how well youíre looking!
Alistair: Oh, thank you.
   Niles: I like your suit!
Alistair: Well, youíre too kind, and itís nice to see you again.  Bye-
          bye, take care.

Alistair leaves.  Frasier and Niles are still grinning with excitement.

    Roz: Wow, that was thorough.  Find any polyps up there?
Frasier: We were merely paying due respect to one of the giants of the 
         opera world.

Barry, Rozís new boyfriend, enters.  He is wearing jeans and a black
t-shirt that shows off his physique to good effect.

  Barry: Hey!
    Roz: Barry, hi!  This is Frasier, and Niles, and Martin.

Barry shakes their hands.

 Martin: Hi Ė whoa, strong handshake.  You look like you work out a 
         lot.
    Roz: He practically lives at the gym.
  Barry: Well, itís my church.

Frasier looks suspicious.

  Barry: Oh, this blouse looks amazing on you.
Frasier: Yes, itís very chic, Roz.
    Roz: Well, Barry picked it out.  Heís the womenís wear buyer at 
         Bidwellís.  He spent a whole day last week going through my 
         closet and throwing out all the stuff I shouldnít wear 
         anymore.
  Barry: You should have seen what she was still holding on to Ė 
         culottes!
    Roz: Stop it!

She pushes him playfully towards the counter.

Frasier: Well... one wonders whatís been in Barryís closet a little too 
         long. [Niles sniggers]
 Martin: What are you talking about?
Frasier: Oh, come on, he didnít seem gay to you?
 Martin: That guyís not gay!  You know how you can tell?  The muscles.
  Niles: [playing along] Good point, Dad.  Second tip-off: no poodle.

Martin nods.  Roz comes back.

    Roz: So, isnít he fabulous?
Frasier: Yes, yes, uh, fabulous sums it up in a word.
 Martin: I think heís perfect for you, Roz Ė good-looking, friendly, 
         [at Frasier] and not gay at all.
    Roz: Who said he was gay?
 Martin: Not me.
    Roz: Heís not gay!
Frasier: Yes, all right, Roz, but you can see how someone might get 
         that impression, all right?
    Roz: Why, because of his job?  Because he takes care of himself?  
         That is just such lazy, stereotypical...
Frasier: All right, youíre right, it was a shallow, knee-jerk assumption, 
         and unworthy of us, both as psychiatrists and men about town.

Barry comes back with two takeout cups in a tray, and a biscotti.

  Barry: We better go, weíre gonna miss the movie.
    Roz: Right, bye.
 Martin: See you.
    Roz: [sees the tray] What, no biscotti for you?
  Barry: Please Ė Iím a house.

They exit.  Frasier and Niles mouth at each other, ďSo gay.Ē

FADE OUT

Scene Two Ė Street
Itís evening, and Frasier and Niles are walking home together.  Niles 
is back in his suit, but Frasier is still in his squash togs, and his 
stride is extremely short.

  Niles: Canít you walk any faster?
Frasier: Iím moving as fast as I can in these ridiculous shorts of 
         yours.
  Niles: Well, you wouldnít need them if you hadnít burst out of your 
         own.
Frasier: I did not burst out of them.  My laundress simply over-
         bleached them until they had the tensile strength of a cobweb.  
         If youíre in such a hurry you should have brought your own 
         car.
  Niles: Daphne needed it for her flower show.  And remember...
Frasier: Yes, yes, you were seeing patients.  We did not play squash.

Niles stops.

  Niles: Is that Rozís boyfriend?

It is indeed Barry at the other end of the street, walking towards 
them.  Frasier and Niles turn toward each other in a huddle.

  Niles: Oh, you donít suppose she told him what we were saying about 
         him?
Frasier: No, I canít imagine she would do that.  Letís just act 
         natural.
  Niles: All right.

But when they turn back, Barry has gone.

Frasier: Where did he go?
  Niles: Odd.  He was just here.

Walking forward, they notice a set of stairs leading down, below a lit
sign that says, ďBad Billyís.Ē

  Niles: ďBad Billyís.Ē  What sort of place do you think that is?

Frasier reads another sign by the stairs: ďTuesday is Leather Night.Ē

Frasier: Well, letís see.  Tuesday is leather night... so itís probably 
         some sort of shoe outlet. [then] Itís a gay bar, you idiot. 
         [Niles mouths, ďI know thatĒ] Come on, letís go.

He heads for the stairs.

  Niles: What?!  No, no, no, no!  I told Daphne I was seeing patients 
         until seven.  If Iím late, she might get suspicious.
Frasier: Niles, Roz is my friend.  Iím not going to let her get hurt by 
         some man whoís lying to her about himself.  Iíll be just a 
         minute.

He heads down the stairs as Niles waits outside, uncomfortable.

CUT TO: Inside Bad Billyís
Frasier enters.  Men of varying ages and attires are sat at tables
or standing around Ė but Frasier immediately stands out in his skimpy
shorts.  He approaches a man at a table.

Frasier: Excuse me, uh, Iím looking for a guy.
 Patron: Yeah, I kinda got that from the shorts.
Frasier: Itís a particular guy Ė heís about thirty-five years old...

The bartender hails Frasier.

Eduardo: Frasier?
Frasier: Eduardo! [to the patron] My furniture polisher.  Donít tell me 
         you put away paste and chamois for life as a barkeep.
Eduardo: I just do this on the side.
Frasier: Oh, well, bet youíre surprised to see me in here.
Eduardo: [going along] Okay.
Frasier: All right, look, I thought I saw a friend of mine come in 
         here.  Heís, uh, mid-thirties, uh, wavy hair, good build...
Eduardo: Yeah, I think heís in the bathroom.
Frasier: Oh, oh...

He is unsure what to do next, when loud dance music blares.  Almost
unconsciously, he starts moving to the beat.  He decides to wait.

Eduardo: Can I get you a drink?
Frasier: [still moving to the music; "why not?"] Sherry, please.

CUT TO: Street
Niles is still waiting outside, when Barry emerges from the 
apartment building that they passed walking towards Bad Billyís 
after Barry vanished Ė apparently thatís where he was really going.

Mortified, Niles grabs a free magazine from a rack next to the 
stairway, opens it and holds it in front of his face.  As Barry
walks past him, this is no impediment to identification.

  Barry: Oh, hi Niles.
  Niles: Hey, Barry.

When Barry has passed, Niles really looks at the magazineís contents.
Confused, he looks at the front cover and starts, realizing it is a 
gay adult contact magazine.  He hurriedly replaces it, grabs his 
briefcase and runs down the stairs.

CUT TO: Bad Billyís
Frasier is sitting at the bar, sipping his sherry and bobbing to the
music.  Niles comes in, very uncomfortable.

  Niles: [over the music] Frasier, Barryís not here.  I just saw him.
Frasier: [not hearing him] What?
  Niles: Barryís not here, letís go.
Frasier: Heís in the bathroom.
  Niles: No, heís not.  Can we just go, please?
Frasier: What did you say?
  Niles: Daphneís expecting me, letís go!
Frasier: Come again?
  Niles: [yelling] Oh, for Godís sake...

The music stops abruptly.

  Niles: Iím begging you, please take me home!

The brothers look around, acutely aware that everyone is looking at 
them with big grins.

Frasier: You see, actually, he and I are...

Another loud dance number starts up, drowning him out.  He gives up
and heads for the door.  As he leaves, Eduardo grins and flashes him
a thumbs-up.  Frasier smiles feebly and exits with Niles.

FADE TO:

THE DOCTOR IS OUT
Scene Three Ė KACL Frasier is doing his show. Frasier: You can rationalize your actions all you want to, Kevin, but the truth is, youíre just not being honest, are you? Kevin: [v.o.] I guess Iím not, but itís not like youíre so honest about everything in your life. Frasier: I beg your pardon? Kevin: Well, youíve never told your audience youíre gay. Frasier: Excuse me? Kevin: I saw you in a gay bar last night. Roz, at first surprised, now looks mad Ė she already suspects what this is about. Frasier gives her an uncomfortable glance. Frasier: Oh. Oh, I see. [chuckling] Yes, in fact, I did pop into Bad Billyís yesterday. You see, I thought I had seen a gentlemen I wished to speak with go in there, and Iíd certainly never been in that bar before. Kevin: Then how come you knew the bartender by name? And why were you wearing those tight little shorts? Frasier: Well, they-they were not my shorts. You see, Iíd been playing squash, and I borrowed them from my... [catches himself] uh, from my friend, who is slim-hipped. Kevin: Yeah, kind of like that nervous guy you picked up. Frasier: Look, I did not pick anybody up! All right, I am going to put an end to this discussion, because there is nothing to discuss. On my way home from the gym, I popped into Bad Billyís looking for a man I was hoping was in the bathroom. I had a quick sherry with my French polisher and then I left. As for how I got into another manís shorts, that is no oneís business! Realizing what he has said and how it sounds, he is about to dig himself in deeper, but Roz cuts him off. Roz: And weíre off the air. Frasier: [throws off his headphones] Oh, dear God! Roz enters his booth, furious. Roz: That man you thought you saw going into Bad Billyís, that wouldnít be Barry, would it? Frasier: All right, Roz. I-I saw him on the street, I turned, and the next thing I knew he was gone. I thought he was... Roz: Yeah, you know what Barry was doing from 10:00 until midnight last night? Frasier: What? Roz: Me, thatís what! Heís not gay, whereas you, Miss Marple, youíve just been outed. Frasier: Outed?! The door opens, and Ė who else? Ė Gil enters. Gil: Frasier! I am so sorry, I thought that last call was appalling. Frasier: Thank you, Gil. Gil: You poor man! How long you must have dreaded this dark, yet inevitable day. I so wish you could have been allowed to come out in a time and manner of your own choosing, instead of being wrenched from your closet, your voice cracking, your cheeks crimson with shame... Frasier: Gil, I am not gay. [packs his briefcase] Gil: Oh, Frasier, you canít play coy once youíve been caught traipsing about Bad Billyís in shorts that left little to the imagination. Frasier: They were not my shorts! I simply borrowed them because my own had split when I bent over... Gil: Oh, please! We donít need to know everything. I just want to say that your KACL family will be here for you as you take your first brave steps on that yellow brick road to pride and self-acceptance and... Frasier: Oh, shut up, you big queen! He exits with his briefcase. Gil: I see Kitty has claws. As mad as she is, Roz is trying hard not to laugh. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four Ė Cafť Nervosa Frasier is sat at a table, having just finished his coffee. A waitress brings him two biscotti on a plate and collects his empty cup. Frasier: Oh, um, another latte to go, please. [hands her some money] And you can take it out of there, thank you. [re: biscotti] I-I didnít order these. Waitress: Theyíre from those guys over there. She motions to two men seated at the counter. They smile and wave at Frasier, which he feebly returns. Martin enters, in a bleak mood. Frasier: Oh, Dad. You care for a coffee? Martin: Nah. I can see where you might think I would, though. A guy walks into a coffee bar, he canít blame people for thinking he likes coffee. Frasier: Yes, Dad. Martin: Course, uh, if he didnít like it, he could make that clear to people. He might say, "I am not a coffee drinker"... Frasier, chewing disconsolately on one of the biscotti, nods. Martin: Or, "I have never tried coffee even once." Frasier: Yes, all right, Dad. Martin: "I am not even curious about..." Frasier: Yes, all right! [the waitress brings his latte] Thank you. Martin trudges to the counter. Niles comes in, with the now-familiar smug little grin on his face. He sits with Frasier. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: I see you caught my show. Niles: Mmm-hmm. Frasier: Go ahead, letís hear it. Niles: Iím not going to tease you. Iím grateful. You could have ratted me out to Daphne, but instead, you protected me... just like a big sister should. [sniggers] Frasier: You know, Iím glad this tickles you. Niles: I shouldnít make fun. You people have been persecuted long enough as it is. [sniggers again] Frasier: Are you done? Niles: Iím done. Frasier: [rises] I will return those shorts to you tomorrow. Niles: No, keep them, youíll want them for the parade! [laughs, then] Iím done, now Iím done. As Frasier is about to leave, and Martin comes back to the table with his coffee, Alistair emerges from the menís room. Alistair: Frasier! Frasier: Oh, Alistair. Alistair: So sorry to hear about your ordeal today. Frasier: Oh, boy Ė you heard my show then? Alistair: No, I heard the replay on "Kiki and Melís Drivetime Circus." If itís any comfort, I went through the same thing myself once. Frasier: Really? Alistair: Yes, I was a guest on a call-in show, and an angry ex- boyfriend phoned in. Everything came out: names, dates, birthmarks. Had quite a chat with the wife that night. Very frank... very expensive. [N.B. Ian McKellenís "outing" occurred in similar circumstances Ė the actor was a guest on a call-in show, and when the discussion drifted to the subject of gay rights, one particularly conservative caller remarked, "why canít those people just stay in their clubs?" McKellen lost his temper and shot back, "you mean like the Garrick Club?" (a very old, very conservative restaurant/menís club in London) McKellen then revealed his orientation, adding that he wouldnít be caught dead in the Garrick.] Frasier: Oh, how awful for you. Of course, in my case- Alistair: I know what might rally your spirits. Iím giving a small party after the premiere of my opera next week. Are you free to come? Behind Alistair, Niles shoots to his feet. Frasier: Iíd be delighted! Alistair: Splendid! Well, I must get to rehearsals. Frasier: Oh, how are things coming? Alistair: You can tag along, see for yourself if you like. [Niles gapes] Frasier: I would love that! Let me just grab my coffee. [runs back to his table and does] Goodbye, Dad. [smugly] Niles. He exits. Niles turns around, apoplectic Ė mouth gaping, knees wobbling. He sinks into his chair. Niles: Did you see that? I would kill to go to that party! [sulky] I was at that gay bar too, you know. Martin: Letís see... one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [bites his biscotti] Yep, life is good. FADE TO: Scene Five Ė Apartment Martin is sitting in his chair, and Daphne is rolling up her exercise mat Ė they have just finished Martinís exercises. Niles is also there. Frasier enters, excited. Frasier: Dad, please clean up that debris around your chair. Alistair is coming by. Martin: Oh, Alistair Ė thatís all weíve heard around here all week. Alistair this, Alistair that... Daphne: You canít blame him for being excited. Itís fun having a famous friend. When I lived in England... do you know the actor Peter OíToole? Martin: [interested] Sure. Daphne: I always thought it would be fun to be friends with him. Martin sinks back down again Ė what did he expect? The doorbell rings. Frasier: Now, thatís him. Everyone just act natural. He opens the door. Alistair: Frasier! Frasier: Alistair! They hug and kiss each otherís cheeks. Alistair: You smell fantastic. Frasier: Oh, it must be my new conditioner. Sandalwood with just a hint of...? Alistair: ...Cloves. Frasier: Oh, the manís amazing. He has the musical panache of Leonard Bernstein and the nose of a Tuscan truffle hog. Alistair: You turn my head, sir. Frasier: Oh, well, come and meet my father, Martin Crane. Alistair: Well, how lovely to meet you, Martin. Martin: [shaking hands] How are you? Alistair: Niles... Niles: Hello. Alistair: Love the tie. Niles: [preening] Charvet. Daphne: And Iím Daphne, Nilesí wife. Alistair: [disbelieving] No. Niles: Weíre expecting. Alistair: Canít say I was. How lovely to meet you, Daphne. Daphne: Likewise. [N.B. Again, Jane Leeves is very obviously pregnant by this time Ė though unlike Season Eight, theyíre taking no trouble to conceal it.] Alistair: Frasier, this apartment is stunning. Frasier: Thank you. Alistair: The view Ė breathtaking; the art Ė perfect; the chair Ė hilarious. Martin looks put down. Alistairís mobile rings. Alistair: Damn. So sorry. I have to take this call. [answers phone] Hello? Placido! Frasier nearly falls over. Frasier: Placido Domingo?! Alistair: [aside] Yes. [Niles also gapes; into phone] Iím here with Frasier. Yes, heís the one I told you about. Oh, stop! He motions around, asking Frasier where he can talk in private. Frasier: Oh, oh, yes, uh... in the kitchen. Alistair: [heads into the kitchen; into phone] Well, youíll meet him next month at the concert in Madrid. [puts phone to shoulder] Oops! Now Iíve spoiled the surprise. He goes into the kitchen. Frasier: [ecstatic] Heís taking me to Madrid! Martin: You just met him last week, whatís going on? He kissed you. Frasier: Well, heís a man of the theater, he kisses everyone. Well, itís not like heís the first gay friend Iíve ever had. Niles: Heís the first one who thinks youíre gay, too. Frasier: He does not think Iím gay. Niles: He thinks Iím gay, and Iím standing next to my pregnant wife. Martin: Have you told him youíre straight? Frasier: I donít have to. I mean, itís obvious Ė we are just friends. [crosses his arms] He is not courting me. Niles: [notices] Is that a new watch? Frasier: [drops his arms] So what if it is! Daphne: Jewelry! Ooh, heís a keeper. Frasier: Stop that! My friendship with Alistair is the best thing thatís happened to me in months. I will not have you sully it by making it out to be something itís not. Alistair sweeps in again. Alistair: Sorry, my angel. Well, weíd best get to that tailor. Frasier: Oh, yes, yes, weíre having new tuxes made for Alistairís premiere party this weekend. Alistair: To which you are all invited. Niles: [gasps] Thank you! As they leave, Alistair picks up a treat from a plate of small pastries that Frasier set out. Daphne: Will Peter OíToole be there? Alistair: No, and he knows why. [eats one] These are amazing! Where did you get them? Frasier: I made them myself. Alistair: No... is there anything this man canít do? Niles: Time will tell. Frasier and Alistair exit. FADE TO:
THE QUEERNESS OF YOU
Scene Six Ė Alistairís Mansion Itís late in the evening after Alistairís premiere, but the elegant party is in full swing in the grand ballroom of Alistairís home. A string quartet is playing. Frasier and Niles, in tuxes, enter with Daphne, in an ample dress. Both brothers are dazzled by the attendance. Niles: Will you look at this crowd? Itís like a Whoís Who of the crŤme de la crŤme of the upper crust! Alistair, also in a tux, appears at the top of the grand staircase. Alistair: Frasier! Frasier: [coming over] Alistair, your production was a triumph! Alistair: Wasnít it? [then] Smile. He poses with Frasier for a photographer, huddling close to Frasier. This gives Frasier another frisson of uncertainty, but he forces it down. Alistair: [to Niles and Daphne] Welcome, welcome. Niles: Thank you. Alistair: There are so many people here Iím dying for you to meet, but I have to make a little announcement first. Glinka, darling, come and meet Frasier. Frasier is overwhelmed again Ė Glinka, a diva and the star of the show! Glinka: Frasier, finally! Frasier: Oh, Glinka, itís such an honor to meet you. I have all your recordings. [kisses her hands] Glinka: So I hear that you and Alistair are quite an item. Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, weíre just very good friends. Glinka: [playing along] Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Alistair mounts the staircase. Alistair: Everyone! Could I have your attention, please? I have to announce that our very own Nigel Frye is retiring and giving up his seat on the Opera board... As Nigel raises his glass, the crowd sigh sadly. Alistair: But I am thrilled to name as his successor a tireless supporter of opera in Seattle, Dr. Frasier Crane. For Frasier, thatís the final triumph. He gapes, trembling with ecstasy, as everyone oohs and aahs, applauding. Frasier: Oh! Oh, my! Oh, I never dreamed... [hugs Alistair] Oh, thank you, thank you! Alistair: [between kisses on Frasierís cheeks] Congratu...lations. Glinka: [aside to Niles and Daphne] Stunning couple, arenít they? Niles: Iím more stunned by them each day. Frasier comes over to them, still ecstatic. Frasier: [hugs Daphne] Oh, Daph. Daphne: What an honor. Frasier: Oh my God! Niles: Isnít it thrilling? Frasier, can we talk to you for a moment? Frasier: Yes. Niles: Do you realize that every person in this room thinks that youíre Alistairís boyfriend? Frasier: Listen, I canít help it if people think weíre a couple. The point is, Iím enjoying myself, and if youíre too jealous to be happy for me, then thatís your problem. Niles: Jealous?! Frasier: Yes, thatís right. All my life, I have dreamed of being half of a power couple, and I finally am! Is it perfect? No. But itís fun, and I donít want it to end. Daphne: Donít you worry at all that Alistair might be falling for you? Frasier: Oh, please, the man has not even made a move on me. And do you know why? Because we are friends. Famous, fabulous friends. Alistair comes over. Niles: Oh, uh, Alistair. Congratulations, it was a stunning production. Alistair: Well, thank you, Niles. Daphne: It must be awfully hard work putting on an opera. Alistair: It is utterly draining. In fact, when Iím in rehearsals, I devote every ounce of strength to it. No exercising, no jogging, I even abstain from sex. Well, you can ask Frasier here. [caresses Frasierís chin] My poor, dear, patient Frasier. Glinka: [comes over] Care to dance? Alistair: I would love to. [caresses Frasierís chin again] Donít go far. He and Glinka move off. Niles: [smug again] Well, looks like Nigel wonít be the only one ďgiving up his seatĒ tonight. Frasier: I could scratch your eyes out and not one person here would find it strange. Daphne: Iím sorry. Frasier: Damn my fatal allure. He goes over to where Alistair and Glinka are dancing. Frasier: Alistair, when youíre finished with this dance... Glinka: [charmed] Oh no, be my guest. She breaks away and allows Frasier to cut in. Alistair and Frasier begin to waltz, Frasier very uncomfortable. Alistair: Frasier, do you have any idea how sexy you look in that tux? Frasier: Yes, I do. Alistair, Iím afraid I may have given you the wrong impression about myself. Alistair: You seem nervous. Donít be. And I want to thank you for waiting. Frasier: Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting. Alistair: Oh, me too! [twirls Frasier] How it sharpens the appetite. How it builds! [dancing more against him] The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?! Frasier: [literally, in terror] Oh yes, there it is! He stops dancing and takes Alistair aside. Frasier: Alistair, um... listen, I-I, Iím afraid I have to tell you something. Uh... Iím not gay. Alistair: Oh, Frasier, please donít tell me youíre still struggling with those issues. Frasier: Well, I-I like you so much, and I love our friendship. Iím afraid we can never really be more than friends. Alistair: Would three weeks on Capri in Bertolucciís villa change your mind? Frasier struggles mightily. Frasier: Itís worth a try. [then] No, no, no. It-it wouldnít. Iím sorry. Alistair: [sighs] Well, then... Frasier: Iím so sorry. Alistair: So am I. Could I ask a small favor of you? Frasier: Of course, anything. Alistair: Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? Iíd hate my friends to think Iíve been jilted. Frasier: Of course. Alistair: It wonít be very late. Around about 3:00 itís down to the core crowd, and weíll all relax and unwind. Alistairís servant comes over. Servant: Itís after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub? Alistair: Absolutely. Frasier: Iím afraid I donít have a bathing suit. Alistair: Then youíll fit right in. He drifts away into the crowd as Frasier starts to look panicked. END OF ACT TWO Credits: Street: Roz and Barry are walking home along the same street after an evening out. As they pass Bad Billyís, they walk by another man rather obviously hiding his face with a magazine. Reaching the door of Barryís building, they kiss and then go inside. The man lowers the magazine Ė it is Gil. He folds the magazine under his arm, gives his hair a smooth-down pat, and walks down the stairs to Bad Billyís.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Star
 PATRICK STEWART as Alistair

 Guest Starring
 EDWARD HIBBERT as Gil Chesterton
 CAROLINE LAGERFELT as Glinka
 
 Co-Starring
 DAVID MULLER as Barry
 DONALD SAGE MACKAY as Eduardo
 AMITA BALLA as Waitress
 DAVID JAHN as Bar Patron
 ADRIAN RíMANTE as Servant
 MICHAEL SEAN McGUINESS as Clive
 
 Guest Caller
 BENJAMIN BRATT as Kevin

Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 2003 by Michael Lee. This episode 
 summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright of Paramount
 Productions and NBC. Printed without permission. 
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