[Nic Totopoulous is backstage at the interview area standing on his own. He doesn't have his title with him. He looks into the camera.]
Today I'm going to play dress up. This one is for you Big Boss. I just want you to know what I have to put up with every time you open your mouth.
[Then Nic slides on a pair of bright blue pants, a big colourful fur coat, a stupid colourful hat, and picks up a cain.]
Well here I am, everyone's favourite pimp. I would have my hoes with me right now, but they couldn't make it, they had previous engagements... and they don't like me. For some reason they don't like these stylish clothes I've got on. Look at this jacket, this is the greatest seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And if my hoes don't come back home soon, they'll be swimming with the fishes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Because I needs my hoes bitch! No one else wants to have sex with me seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I've got a little problem with the ladies seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! When I go to talk to them, they automatically leave the scene seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I think it might be the smell of my breath. One girl once told me it smells like shit seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Now that's a problem seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! But after she told me that, she was swimmin' with the fishes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! But there was this one time I was pimpin' my hoes, and this fat bitch with no came up to me, and she wanted a piece, I could tell. So I went to talk to her, and she said she hadn't had sex in seven years seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Neither have I. So I thought hell, I had might has well. She told me my breath stinks, but I know she loves the smell of shit seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! So we went back to my room right, and she took off my pants and started laughing. I said, "What the hell you laughing at, ain't you never seen a real man before, seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!?" She then said, "Ya I have, and that's a small penis. Even mine is bigger than that." Then she lifted her skirt and she had the biggest cock I have ever seen seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Well I was so desperate for sex, I did him... erm... I mean her anyway, seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
But that's another story, right now I want to talk about Mr. Magoo Gravedigger. Did you know he needs contacts seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!? He's got big eyes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Man, you gots lucky when you beat Fozz. You shouldn't have won.
[Just then this brown substance starts coming out of his mouth.]
What the hell is this?
[The brown substance keeps coming out.]
Wait, I know, it's the source of my bad breath, it's shit, and it's coming out of my mouth. I just keeping talking shit, and it just keeps coming out. Hmm... Tastes like corn seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Now Magoo, you'll be swimming with the fishes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Me and Cappy are the real men in this company, and you're nothing except for googly eyes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Fishes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, that's who you'll be swimming with.
And the other opponent, the Paper Champion, Nic Totol-puss. I'm gonna beat his ass too. He's got nothing on me seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I should be the champion because I'm better, even though I've never beat him seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I should be the number one contender seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, because I haven't even earned it seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I haven't beaten anyone to be worthy of it seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, but I still should get a title shot. My hoes told me that one seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! They tell me the truth all the time, like with I'm sexing them up seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Oh God, not again.
[The brown substance starts to come out of his mouth again.]
Not again. But boy oh boy do I like corn seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Fishes Nic Topoluspoulousssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Man, I can never get his name right, I'm just retarded I guess seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'll be the new World Champion when I beat Nic seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You'll be swimming with the fishes seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Terror X is the best of the rest seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's because I'm the leader, yet I'm the one with the least amount of talent seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Don't worry Nic, if I keep bitching about a title shot, I'll get one. Even if I keep on losing, I'll get one seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Because I don't deserve it seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Fishes!
[Then Nic takes off the goofy outfit and looks into the camera.]
Thank you.
[The scene fades.]