| [The
scene opens outside a pile of crap house, with a small yard, and neighbours
galore. As the camera travels up the stony driveway, one car is parked
in front of the garage with the door falling off. The car is a piece of
garbage, and it is impossible to tell what kind of car it is because it
is so beat up. Behind the garage is brown grass, where Joe Shmoe is setting
up for his next episode for the Super Fun Happy Hour. He has the North
American Title around his waist. Joe Shmoe is wearing a ratty old suit.
He is sweating like a pig because he can’t afford anti-persperant. The
pit stains can be seen right through the suit jacket. He takes off the
jacket and his shirt is so sweaty it is see through. He realises this and
puts the jacket back on. The show is about to begin.]
Well,
well, I’m glad you all could make it for another edition of the Super Fun
Happy Hour. This episode will be jam packed with fun and laughter. But
as always, I’m gonna have to make someone angry at me. On today’s episode,
the man will be the soon to not be EWF World Heavyweight Champion, J.D.
Onslaught. Now, you used to live in a warehouse? That is even worse than
the shack that I live in. And I’m glad you sent all your old stuff to Goodwill,
that’s my favourite place to shop. I hope they have your stuff on sale
cause I love your style. I have a question, if you love Shawna more than
the World Title, then why don’t you simply give it too me. It would save
me the trouble of kicking your ass so bad. I mean, I wouldn’t have to break
a sweat, well, I wouldn’t have to break a sweat anyway, and you wouldn’t
have to be put through the pain and agony that can only be dished out the
one and only Joe Shmoe.
Just
because you J.D. have the World Title, does not make you better than me.
You said it yourself, you needed another person to throw me out of the
ring in the Battle Royal. And a Battle Royal isn’t even a real match for
Pete’s Sake! You admitted also that I beat you 1, 2, 3 right in the middle
of the ring. Not only did I beat you, but I beat another wrestler at the
exact same time. I could beat you with my legs tied together. And why are
you calling me cheiftan? I am have trouble understanding why I am a cheiftan.
Oh, well, it really doesn’t matter. We’ll be back after these messages.
[The
scene opens with a big guy beating up a skinny guy outside a convenience
store. The skinny guy gets thrown through a window and inside the store.
He grabs a meat stick, and then grows to be huge and pounds the big guy.
He then looks into the camera and takes a bite out of the meat stick. “Snap
into a Fat Pat, Ooooooooooo Yaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Dig it!” The camera fades
into Joe Shmoe at his podium. He is ready to continue the show.]
And
we’re back. Now, you can make fun of me all you want, but you can never,
and I mean never make fun of my show! The Super Gay Pansy Hour? This insult
really makes me angry, and you don’t want to see me angry. Even though
it really wasn’t very clever at all, I know you tried your hardest to make
fun of it, and that’s why it hurts. That is why you will pay at Saturday
Terror.
You
say that your name is the only name to be written on the title? The names
of the champions don’t even go on the titles. Come on, I thought you were
smarter than that. You say that if you win my title you will relinquish
it to your friend? What are you, some kind of an idiot. She’ll be killed.
And you think you can protect her? Anyone with two legs and at least one
arm could beat you without any trouble one-on-one. You want your title
reign to be remembered? Well, the reign won’t be remembered, but you will
be remembered as the one to lose the title to the greatest EWF Champion
of all time, Joe Shmoe. You had better watch your back, because I don’t
want to wait until Saturday. You had better hide your stupid American ass
in your big house, because I’m gonna be looking for you. You make fun of
my show, I’ll re-arrange your face.
Well,
that’s enough for today. Next time on the Super Fun Happy Hour, I will
be carrying the North American Championship on one shoulder, and the World
Heavyweight Championship on the other shoulder. Until next time, Canada
rules, and don’t make fun of my show or I’ll KILL you!
[Joe
Shmoe begins to laugh and hands the North American title to the cameraman.
He then goes and starts to splash around in the little kiddie pool in his
back yard. The cameraman puts down the camera and the title and joins him.
They splash around and a battery sign is shown on the camera and the camera
goes off.]
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