| [Joe
Shmoe is at his house watching the tape of EWF Saturday Terror for the
tenth time. He has just got to the point where Shmoe hits the Flatliner
on J.D. Onslaught. Shmoe jumps to his feet and begins to cheer like a crazed
maniac. He picks up the World Heavyweight Championship and begins to dance
a little jig with the belt. He kisses the belt and then places it around
his waist. He now grabs his EWF North American Championship and places
it around his waist just above the World Title. He continues to dance and
then dances up the stairs. He makes his way through the living room and
then out the front door. His neighbours begin to throw garbage at him.
He runs quickly back into the house.]
Ha!
Ha! Ha! They really love me don’t they. Ha! Ha! Oh god, I got hit with
an apple in the head, god that hurt. Damn, I thought that after I won the
World Title, that everyone would love me. I thought they would love my
show. Boy oh boy was I ever wrong. However, I will continue to broadcast
the Super Fun Happy Hour on a regular basis.
Person
Outside the house: You suck Shmoe! You’re a piece of garbage!
Shmoe:
Oh! I want to make them love me and my show, but how? I won two championships
here in EWF, and I try so hard to make my show top notch. Oh well, time
to get ready for another edition.
[Shmoe
walks down the stairs and into his basement. He gets the set ready for
the Super Fun Happy Hour. He grabs his podium and the show begins.]
Welcome
once again to the Super Fun Happy Hour. As promised on my last episode,
this episode will be the best ever. Last Saturday on Terror, I did the
impossible. Well, actually I was only facing J.D. Onslaught, so maybe not.
But I am the greatest EWF World Heavyweight Champion to walk the face of
the planet. J.D., I did exactly what I said I was going to do, I beat you
pillar to post, in the hardest match of my life. I now know the pain and
the suffering and the training that is required to reach the top of the
wrestling industry. Now it is time to face the reality that everyone is
gunning for me. Everyone wants to take me down and take me out. Well, staying
on top is going to be my toughest challenge yet. I will have to face against
the best in the business to stay on top, but I am willing to do that.
Now,
my first title defence will be against fellow Canadian Rampage. Finally,
I get to face against someone with a little self respect. A competitor
who is actually a good wrestler. Rampage, you have some great skill and
experience in the squared circle. You will be a great challenge for me.
So far, I have over come all the obstacles put in my way. I have beat and
put down every competitor in my path. This Tuesday on Wars, there will
be no difference. I will come out victorious, and I will be the undisputed
EWF World Heavyweight Champion, not you Rampage.
Rampage,
your record of 4-0 is a very tremendous record. And you are correct, my
record is unblemished as well at 3-0, and I am a double champion. That
is not about to change. I plan on keeping this belt as long as it keeps
my pants up. You are the Tickin Time Bomb Rampage, but I am about to disarm
you, permanently. Be prepared for the beating of a life time!!!
Well,
it’s party time at my house as I celebrate my victory with my EWF North
American and World Title. That’s all the time for today, until next time,
I’m gonna kick Rampage’s ass!!!
[Joe
Shmoe begins to dance once again with his EWF World Title Belt, and this
time with his North American Title as well. The camera begins to fade out
and into these words with Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A lot in the background.]
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