one

I love you though you love another,
A Childe of the Night.
I came upon you quite by accident,
Wandering from my watery home.
You stood howling in the moonlight.
Mournfully howling of love lost.
When I came near you raised your head
Sniffed my hand, kissed my forehead.
I embraced you,
Coarse brown fur between pale fingers.
Lost in ecstasy, I wept as you whispered my name.

Peneus called me back
As your pack called for you in the distance.
Slipping through the woods as a Sylph,
I eased back into my cove,
Your eyes ever on my mind.

Selene, naked now, watched
As I promised my sisters I would return
As I left my world, joyfully flitting
Through the trees
Greeting each Dryad as I passed.

I returned only to find you gone.

I wandered the woods,
Eyes wide in fearless wonder
At creatures new to me.

Beneath my feet, deep hoofprints...
...Wilde hoofprints...
Following, I came upon
Pan and the Maenads
Dancing in a frenzy.
In the midst I saw You
I heard your Passionate howls
For the beautiful Bacchante that returned to your woods.
Her cloven hooves split the earth as she danced
Her fiery hair convulsing in fierce coils
Her eyes glowing as yours were
Her howls a mimic of your song
Two Wilde Things, two Children of the Night,
Never to be tamed,
Save by the other.
Away you went, two Wilde hearts as one.

All while I looked on under the watchful gaze of the Moon.

When all left of you were prints in the earth,
I turned and fled through the trees
Weeping

Alas! I should have known
Gentle Naiads
Are not made to wander in the night
To wander,
To love,
The Wilde Things of the Night.
~*~*~*~
Angel of Darkness
Demon of Light
Upon silver wings
You fly through the night.

You cross the moon
A beautiful blight
Blue eyes gaze in wonder
Heart throbs at the sight.

Your gaze falls upon me
Soft as snow and just as cold.
~*~*~*~
Your hands...
Dark with grease caked into the creases of life.
Thick, meaty palms, resistant and resilient
You won't scratch the heart in your soiled palm;
Bullheaded country-boy's no unchewed nails left.
Such plain and working hands, course and grimy,
Excite and smoothe with unknown magic,
Igniting skin as no well-moisturized prep ever could.
~*~*~*
My soul is roaring
It craves connection in this isolating world
This boy I'm exploring
With his faceted soul
An undiscovered blossom so oft ignored
To caress those petals my only goal
To water and bask in my sun's tender love
Indifference would come at a price the world can't afford
Were the gentle drops to stop
I fear those innocent petals falter
Yet each storm is different
Surely more sweet do you prefer your rains
The beautiful steed bears but a halter
And still I crave surrendered reigns.
~*~*~*~




two

I loathe the scorpion
Though marked since birth
With its involuntary sting
Strong defenses, shielded in a thick shell
Once broken, a quivering pink softness
That would encompass and warm...
Yet so easily bruised... agony from but a touch...
There was a time I removed this encasement
But such pain was inflicted
I now sport a husk I've vowed ne'er to open

Touch my shell, I beg you
But do not love it, for it is not I
Silently I weep, Set me free!
Knowing if you even crack my fa�ade
I shall scurry away...
~*~*~*~

it has been said...
that which we call a rose
by any other name
would smell as sweet.
i am not a rose
i am the weed that chokes beauty
i grow fast and whither faster
yet i never die

the Rose loves his Tiger lily
though she feels not as he
the Rose now grows beside the weed
two blooms to the sun
cajoling its buds to open
he thinks those buds hold beauty within...
the weed dares not unfurl her petals
for she knows
no weed can hope to compete
with the brilliant blossom

of the Tiger lily
though oft they sport the same name
sadly she hides her buds
knowing that even as he cries out her name
in his mind he sees only
the Tiger lily
~*~*~*~
the unexpected at every turn

a beautiful dark angel
fallen

a lonely spirited man
falling

both turn to me
in the ticking of two days
two creatures ive thought incapable
of love...
for me

an apple and an orange
each the quintessence of perfection
in its species
i clutch one in each hand
a splendid apple, vibrant red,
reflecting sunlight all around;
a plump orange, hues of sunlight,
diffusing its seductive scent...

can I not love both equally?
~*~*~*~




three

What is it that I feel?
This clenching in my chest
The painful constriction that I so love
~*~*~*~
found.
They have found me out.
I cling to both...
they are brought together
united by their hate

I am the hated, I am the Bitch
I love one even while fucking the other.
the Cheater. the Betrayer.
Each careless label a dozen daggers
piercing this wretched heart,
Tenfold what I inflict

I am the hated, I am the Bitch
...I am a child...

Each new meeting,
Each newly discovered soul,
offers hidden treasures...
Each live moment
spent praying
searching
prying
seducing
persuading
that the next heart may open
and love me
~*~*~*~
I lay and weep
the thought of my love
fighting
my lover
fighting
plunges what heart I have
deep
into icy black uncertain fear

My lover...
I have misled you.
Our first night,
My heart full of pain,
I took advantage
of your open friendship.

That stormy night...
Our intercourse tumultuous
as the heavens...
My mind lost in images
of another.


My love...
I have betrayed you.
You trusted me
You opened up, love.

You are beautiful.


I weep...what have I done?
Each lonely sob well-deserved.

Hate me, Hurt me
Tell me, tell me all
Let out the pain
I will take it for you

Let in the warm joy of life
I will give you mine


I pray you recover quickly.

I shall mourn enough for all.
~*~*~*~
Who can I trust with my heart?
The boy says he loves me
Can a lad of 15 love?
The man said he's falling
How many others will he fall for
While I am away
I pray they be well
I shall keep my heart
~*~*~*~
Eyes watering... I am crying!
I now know emotion
They have been found...
They flow, not yet freely,
will you drink, love?

Take my hand, please
Don't let go...
If I told you I loved you
Could I hold you forever?

We just spoke love
...
Will you tell me you love me?

Do you love me?

I am but a child
Deep down so are you
You have been hurt so much love
I want to kiss each wound




four

who am i where am i what have i become
in kansas city, me
me was i was a girl with a spirit
who knew who she was
who knew not who she was

phone
telephone calls, and POOF
they are away! driving east,
east into the sunrise,
traveling back through time
into a land back through time
undoing me and i who knew what it was
who knew not what it was

Columbia, time ago
sixteen but ancient
a new start?
lost in a crowd
the swirling noisy colours
that i don't even see
i see but don't see
unregistering but absorbed
~*~*~*~
The monotony of now and then
Existing in the shadows of
a personal, well-padded pen
Sitting in the solitude
Always Always alone
Suddenly meet the eyes of a girl
Movement now, past fetters flown
~*~*~*~

Sitting here
Sitting sitting sit sat soot
Lady in front, BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH
Skipping around backwards
she's talking incessantly
aggravating my bladder.
I HAVE TO PEE!
Oh man, like a racehorse
like a gaggle of horses
AND IT'S COLD
cold colder coldest
a block of loaded ice
MNOQR
the pee is down my leg
I'd laugh but... you know...
sitting here...
sitting here...
~*~*~*~
THE 1ST EVER CRACK POEM!
Tardy for 4th
Bored as fuck,
bored as fuck
Stickers going here and there
Colours showing everywhere
A single phrase stuck in my head
It fills me with a sense of dread
I run and jump I swing and touch
Speak little, listen much
Binding of the cardboard stack
Pink and fluffy, a gun-rack
Blow a bubble, suck it back
Butterflies are all on crack
Language salad, have to pee
Wrote a poem with a tree
Schizophrenics lack the yellow
Hearing this I justly mellow
Gum stuck on my top lip now
Take this kiss upon thy brow
Black nails scratching language too
Blow a bubble just for you
Crack the knuckle, snap it loud
Hopeful you'll be well endowed
Clever rhyme I hear you smell
I know, I know, I'm just good like that.
~*~*~*~

"I did it because I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE YOU DICK!
I dont care because she wanted to leave you for me
Because she was willing to fuck me while you two were together
dont you get it?
she was already unfaithful!
and not worth ANY shred of feeling
she reduced herself to worthless in my eyes
she betrayed me, then wanted to betray you
IN THE SAME DAMN WAY!!!"
~*~*~*~

the dawning of a moment
brought on by an epiphany
when she suddenly realized:
that which she holds so high
is exactly what's been bringing her down
1/30/01 ~*~*~*~


change is death: either for the old or for the new
call me Beatrice
my Giovanni struggles within
both try to wrest control
Who is to win?
Why cannot all be pacified?
Must I die to truly live?
1/30/01 ~*~*~*~


In Darkness, Birth
In Darkness, Death
What light one gathers between the two
In the end is used but to fuel
The fiery glow of Hell.
5/01 ~*~*~*~


What the hell...

How is it that when I find a male... someone brimming with the potential to be more than just suitable... I'm shortly thereafter informed that he's taken and already perfectly happy, or he's moving... or one of my best friends tells me she thinks she's fallen in love with him. It's just my luck, I swear. Somebody up there really has it out for me when it comes to relationships. There are so few humans that can be considered truly alive, truly awake. Truly aware. And I always seem to find them just moments after the crucial moment, just moments late. I'm never early enough to properly fall in love. But always just late enough to get to hone the "friend" act.
~*~*~*~

Do you know what I realized as I sank back in the driver's seat of my car today at 12:15?
You can never be too late for love.
~*~*~*~


Five

I keep forgetting things.
I'm such a tool.
All my true muses are hiding from me...
in the best possible place to hide,
which is right out in the open,
under my nose.
Just out of reach.
Somebody's been singing me
to sleep the past few years...
piece by piece.
~*~*~*~


On Sharing
I took but a glance
gave a tiny mysterious smile (toward ruddy cheeks)
a hint at happiness
and daring no more, turned away (inward)
the standard fulfilled, become shy (introspective)
Moments pass and taking a curious chance
I glance, askance,
And discover her giving me a most jovial smile!
In my silly spiritual absence, she
shared the world with me.

And didn't stop
when I caught her.
~*~*~*~

I cried this morning
Against his chest

For some careless thing he said
But I live for his laugh
and his gentle caress
And to wake to find him in my bed.

(Omitted verse>
He's a blundering puppy
Digging the garden
He doesn't know that it's bad.
So he needs to be shown
But disciplining puppies
Hurts. It makes everyone sad.

He's always excited
for something or other
(His stories can take quite a while!)
He's creative and witty
and I love his dancing

-But above all, he just makes me smile-
~*~*~*~


Art History
Art History, I hate thee
You're just a load of crap
that NOBODY cares about.
I'd rather take a nap
than figure this shit out.
Or maybe drink some poison
...Play tag with some Pirrhanna?
There's homework should be done
But DAMMIT I DONT WANNA!
~*~*~*~



SIX


sustained by love
worried by what-ifs
sitting at the computer
nursing chocolate milk
~*~*~*~


How could the Christian God exist? How? Why? What kind of cruel creature would condemn millions of souls to eternal torture? If I had a pet in such pain, no matter how it had disobeyed me I would put it out of its misery. I could not stand to see something in agony, I could not stand to leave something in agony, if it was in my power to fix it. Am I, then, better than God?

Furthermore, I would propose that if man was in fact created by God itself, it was like a gardener creating a flower... only for this metaphor the gardener created the seed for the flower himself. If we are anything to God, we are his garden. He strolls outside, stretches, and gazes around at his garden. He tends to the soil, making sure conditions are right for growth. He pulls some weeds, and some dying plants, replacing them with newer, tougher kinds that are less likely to die. He does very little to the plants directly, outside of cutting off certain parts to give it shape, or help it grow.

And in the end? What is the result? Where do the souls of the flowers go?? To an eternity of paradise, to a big beautiful field of beautiful plants that don't prey on any other plants, with soft loamy perfect soil? Those little garden plants would like to think so... and so they do. But in the end, the plants simply die, and are removed from the garden to make room for new greenery.

No one plant is important. It is the big picture that is important. And God... he is not always in the garden tending it. God has more important things to do. But he does enough to keep it going... just look around. We're still here. 6/20/03 9:24pm

~*~*~*~




/dl>SE7EN


If Angels fly, then why can't I
Their wings spread wide to catch the sky
.............(to be completed).........

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