|I started taking hormones over 8 years ago in SF. I now live in Brooklyn, NY.
I have been identifying/living as male since 1999, with the loving support of those around me. ...I am now 34 years old, (2008).
I felt there was no other way for me to exist any longer if I hadn't made that decision. For a very long time I had known what was going on with 'my gender.' I'd always known that I felt I should have been born into a male body, ...as far back as I can remember.
For years while I was a teenager I suffered from severe emotional problems, landing me in psychiatric hospitals and residential facilities. My anger was out of control and I was continuously hurting myself, through either cutting or burning. This really interrupted my progress in coming to terms with my gender.
I tried to accept that I was a 'girl.' And I took that to an extreme. I was the girl with the shaved head and tattoos. The one challenging 'others' ideas of what it was to even be a girl in this society. I generally spoke my mind, voiced my opinions, always very open about dating men and women, (still am), breaking the mold I had been poured into. I respected the kind of woman I would've been,...I wasn't happy...in fact I was in serious danger.
I was respected for the kind of woman I had become and I was dying inside. I just never felt okay with looking at myself in the mirror. For a long time I tortured myself about the reasons for that. Trying to push the truth farther and farther away. I had worked so hard to become the person I had, yet there was something terribly wrong.
I was not female... As soon as I could deal with that, the rest of me almost burst wide open. Obsessive, long, sleepless nights prying at a buried truth,...
What a long journey.
I continue on a very different path these days. I focus now on simply making my life work for me, being happy and maintaining a balance of love and comfort in the everyday process of being human. I am still one of the first people in a room to get real fired up about something. All with a much clearer conscience. I am comfortable with my queerness and my (trans)-Identity.
|There are many aspects involved in transitioning,...
some are physical and not for everyone!
I have had two surgeries since starting my physical transition.
1) Top Surgery (Double Mascectomy) removal of both breasts in June of 2004
2) Hysto/oophorectomy (A Hystorectomy & removal of Ovaries) in April of 2005
(I wrote a Zine documenting my Hysto/oophorectomy which is available for purchase)
I am currently working on scheduling speaking engagements with screenings of the film 'boy i am' that chronicles the transition into top surgery for 3 FtMs. And also addresses the ever growing concerns of the lesbian community regarding FtMs and Feminist ideals. I was documented through this process for over 3 years! If you are interested in getting me to your Organization, College, University or School, you can request a press package and direct any questions regarding schedule/fees email: [email protected]
I have been part of three different documentary film projects, all of which I am pleased about.
BOY I AM - www.boyiam.com
(A documentary focusing on feminist conversation re: FtMs by Sam Feder and Julie Hollar)
TRANSGENDER BASICS - www.youtube.com/watch?v=QguR2RGbttl
(A 'Trans 101' for the LGBT Center in NYC by Rosa Juel Nordentoft)
THE CUTEST BOY IN BROOKLYN - www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_u1L8FyR_U
(A short film with great humor focusing a bit more on 'who i am'... By the hilarious Dominika Ksel)
Stay tuned and I will try to deliver more !!!! - September, 2008