| Giles: Anyway, what did I call you? Spike: (looks at jacket label) "Made with care for Randy." Randy Giles? Why not just call me "Horny Giles" or "Desperate-for-a-shag Giles"? I knew there was a reason I hated you. Buffy: I'll name me... Joan. Dawn: Ugh. Buffy: What? Did you just "ugh" my name? Dawn: No. I just... I mean, it's so blah. "Joan"? Buffy: I like it. I feel like a Joan. Buffy: Hey, stay away from Randy! (stakes Vamp) Dawn: Whoa! Willow: What did you just do? Buffy: I don't know. But it was cool! Buffy: I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something Buffy: Ready, Randy? Spike: Ready, Joan. Giles: Oh, son? Come here, um, please. (awkward hug) Buffy: Right. Giles: Good, then. Spike: Hey, I'm a superhero, too! Joan, where are you going? Giles: Which book shall we start with? Anya: This is the book for us. Giles: Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control or memory loss? Anya: Not exactly. I just, um, my intuition tells me this is the book, and I figure, being a magic shop owner, and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition. Giles: That's true. But as you recall, I, too, am a magic shop owner. Anya: True. But my intuition says that you're not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type. Okay, here we go. (opens book at random) Giles: But you don't even know... Anya: "Bare bare himble gemination." (rabbit pops into existence) Anya: (screams) Buffy: You're a vampire. Spike: I, me, a vampire? No. Buffy: Check the lumpies and the teeth. Spike: (feels fangs) Buffy: I kill your kind. Spike: And I bite yours. So how come I don't want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy, on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul. Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that? Giles: Perhaps we should try another book? Anya: No. This book made the little fluffers, this book's gonna send them back. I've got it this time. Okay, "Himble abri. Abri voyon." (another bunny pops into existence) Giles: Yes, dear. Spike: I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us -- natural enemies thrown together, to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me. Buffy: Depends on how long you keep on yapping. Giles: Clearly, that is not a helpful book, darling. Come down and we'll go about fixing this in a sensible fashion. Anya: Sensible? You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippety-hop all over my vulnerable flesh? Giles: Well fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies. It's a capital plan. Anya: What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that? Giles: What? There's no way that you could remember me saying any of those words. Anya: Oh, bugger off, you brolly. Buffy: Note to self: learn to duck. Giles: Get a different book! Put that book down, do you hear! Not.. that... book! Smashed Spike: You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so I could attack criminals and that sort. Buffy: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. Buffy: You'll just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons. Spike: There are other ways. Buffy: And to that, an extreme "see you later." Spike: You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? Get a fella's motor revvin', let the tension marinate a couple of days, then bam! Crown yourself the Ice Queen. Buffy: You need a few more metaphors for that little mix? Spike: (in low and seductive voice) Slayer. Buffy: Spike? Spike: Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone. Buffy: Spike? Spike: Bloody hell. (normal voice) Yes, it's me. Buffy: You're calling me on the phone? Spike: Thought you might be up for a little grunt work. Buffy: What? No. No grunting! Spike: I was talking shop, luv, but if you've got other ideas... You, me, cozy little tomb with a view... |
| Quotes, pg 3 |