I can't over come this need to be alone... it's been this way for a while. I can't seem to bring myself to be social. Even around people I know. I'm afraid that I might be slipping away from everyone I love. At this moment I'm alone... in a house filled with familiar faces. Thier playing christmas games, laughing, and eating. How I long to be apart of it... I just can't. I'm paralyzed.

I so tired of being alone. and I'm beginnign to fear that it will always be like this... I'll always be on the outside looking in... till the day I die...

Anyhoo...
Merry Christmas, everybody...
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I'm not joking anymore... This isn't funny anymore... it's been not but an hour and I'm back up here typing. There just doesn't seem to be any end to it. I got condoms as a gag gift... I wonder if they know how funny it really is. I'll never use them... I've never had anyone, except for Leda... and now She's gone... I'll stop trying, rather then feel the sting of failer. And if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... a part of me would rather not live it....

I'm broken...