Date : 2nd March 2003 Venue : Bordon and Oakhangar Social Club
Just what is happening to NH4 these days? I REMEMBER THE OLD DAYS… you know when some plank took us up Holybourne Hill in high summer, and got criticised for pushing the hash too far. Now all has changed as we edge nearer ‘extreme ironing board’ territory, especially as Charmaine Chardonnay is now such an expert under water. Read on…
That’s not to say the hare Spotted Dick wasn’t going to take any chances, changing his clothes after laying the trail so as not to alarm the weaker kneed amongst us. The club was a busy place, very picturesque, in the bright sunshine with petanque players enjoying their game, and hardly any room to park. When JGG called a start to proceedings, he invited Spotted Dick forward but a request for a show of hands for curry or chilli caused such confusion that NH4’s capacity for debacle reached new bounds. Eventually, JGG called for a fresh vote, and numbers were successfully taken for the post run meal. We sped off across to a check on a road, where Red Cock called On and pushed us along lanes gaining the next two checks as well in an impressive start. The next check on a main road proved elusive with a wide area of army land and old tanks and APCs littering the heath , then visitor Shandyman found the trail and Anorak in close attendance the next before I took us into a marshy wood (first of many). After a slow trawl through, we arrived at the first regroup back on the road.
Playing catch-up it was difficult to see but possibly Andy Hockland found the check as we crossed fields towards Shortheath. I then led into woods to find the next check before Red Cock found the second regroup over looking a wide expanse of open land. With Anorak in close attendance I found the trail leading across a waterlogged marsh with a blue rope laid down by Spotted Dick to assist. We FRBs made it across without too much difficulty, although Red Cock nearly pulled the wrong rope before noticing it was an Adder, and guiding Sex Slave away from danger. As I drove on ahead, behind me Charmaine Chardonnay became bogged down and slowly started to disappear with only her head above the water. Fortunately, Spotted Dick moved the rope and others helped her extract herself and it was game on.
We moved across dryer land close to a lake, before I ran out of flour and Red Cock found a check as we moved eastward towards flat scrubland. I called On at the next check, but found a SCBs sign with an arrow and was called back, allowing Ladyshave to call On, on the FRBs trail. She took us across a stile and down a narrow pathway to a road, where Anorak called On the other side to take us across a field as we moved towards Kingsley. Andy then found the next check as we closed in on some woods, while I attempted to cross a neighbouring field, and ended up to my waist in water crossing two streams before rejoining the fray. Andy still at the front found two checks as we twisted up and down a hill and with Kevin found a check leading up a steep slope to another regroup. The eighteen of us in the vanguard then made our way off the ridge, I found the first check and Red Cock the second before I led us to a wide swampy area. Fruit N’Nut tried a less conventional entry after tripping over a submerged barbed wire, landed head first and wetted his horn in the process. (I spoke to him the following day and he said he can still not blow out of it) ….readers will be relieved to know that the tadpoles have survived in his moustache, thriving on mosquitoes obtained on his recent far eastern visit.
PTO
Progress was difficult, but following close to a stream we eventually escaped and ran alongside a field, but our salvation was short lived, and blow me down we re-entered the swamp once more. Shortly after we had to climb under an old bridge before escaping our amphibious existence and climbing up into a wood and the last regroup. Spotted Dick explained it was only a short distance to the finish, but things now took a sinister turn, when after a rapid descent down a shiggy slope, a series of mud holes awaiting the unwary. As I stood on the edge a large hand or hands propelled me into one, to a chorus of cheers I was almost submerged but hung on to a tree root or some ones leg to clamber out. On I went over the last few hundred metres along woodland tracks to the finish looking more like a ‘twiglet’ than an athlete, while the petanque bowlers pointed and smirked as the ‘Little Foot’ passed by.
Down Downs by GM JGG, with latecomer RA Fairy Snow in attendance.
Spotted Dick – Hare.
Aquafloosie- For putting shiggy down the GM’s pants.
Ladyshave/Prick Teaser – Checking to see if their nickers were wet.
Charmaine Chardonnay – G-String, For revealing more than she bargained for.
Shandyman/Prick Teaser – Visitors.
Red Cock/Silvier Fox – The clean and the shiggyfied.
Scribe: Silvier Fox