It began so innocently. I wanted to check up on her; make sure she was settling into the position that I knew to be made for her. Of course, I could not just do that. I had to have a reason; a question or, maybe, something for her office.
She saw through my ploy at once, but that no longer mattered. I had done what I set out to do. Our friendship was no longer in doubt. Although divided, our two teams would still be tightly bound with each other.
I stood to leave and hesitated beside her. Beneath her confident exterior I could tell she was still nervous, so I leaned to give her a reassuring kiss on the cheek and it happened. She had turned to say something.
To say that everything changed would be an astronomical understatement. It was a brief moment that will last forever. Nothing could have prepared me for the sudden halt of all thought.
I pulled back the instant I registered that I was staring into her eyes. I was lost and the silence between us became awkward.
Doubt and fear crept into my mind. Did I just do what I think I did? Did I push too far? Why did I have to this? Have I lost the hope I held on to for so long? I find my fears are for naught when a small gentle smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. I cannot believe that it is true. Is this really happening?
He stopped by my office at the end of my shift with his damn fetal pig. He gave me some line about my liking it and now he was giving it as an office warming present. However, I knew otherwise; he wanted to check up on me.
We chatted about this and that for a few minutes before he stood to leave. He was about to leave that damn pig on my desk. I turned to remind him to take it, but I never had a chance to say a thing as he leaned forward.
Was this IT? Am I feeling the impossible? I do not know. Love has been stereotyped by Hollywood and writers as either fireworks and ringing bells or a feeling of coming home. Fulfillment of a desire harbored deep beneath a shell built over the years never occurred to me. Here in front of me was something almost completely foreign to me. Joy in its simplest essence, embodied in a moment I wish could last forever.
How did this go unnoticed? Where do we go from here? Do I ignore this? Ignoring incidents is a habit. I did it with Eddie and Chris. It is what I do best. Can I ignore and forget this?
I see fear come into his eyes. He's wondering if he has gone too far. I do not know if either of us have crossed the line we keep between us, but if he is willing, we can find out. I allow myself to give him a reassuring smile and see him relax. Is this really happening?