Quotes #8 ================================================ A much married wife rushed up to her much married husband, "Come quickly," she cried, "your kids and my kids are beating up our kids." ================================================ ================================================ I came from a big family. There were nineteen of us. I didn't know what it was like to sleep on my own until I got married. ______________________________________________________ My salary goes into Six Figures -- my wife and five kids. ================================================ ================================================ "Family" this and "family" that. If I had a family I'd be furious that moral busybodies are taking the perfectly good word family and using it as a code for censorship the same way "states' rights" was used to disguise racism in the mid - sixties. ( John Waters ) ================================================ ================================================ Doctor: Is there any insanity in your family ? Wife: Yes, my husband thinks he's the boss. ______________________________________________________ I figured out a great way to solve the problem of visiting relatives. I borrow money from the rich ones, I give it to the poor ones, and none of them ever come back ! ( Milton Berle ) ================================================ ================================================ All the holidays are being switched around this year except one -- April Fool's Day. That'll still be on April 15th. ______________________________________________________ Marriage is nature's way of keeping people from fighting with strangers. ================================================ ================================================ I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this morning. It said, "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty - fifth wedding anniversary ?" And you know what the answer is ? "Morning sickness !" ================================================ ================================================ Where ther's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. ( Ben Franklin ) ______________________________________________________ The proper time to influence the character of a child is about one hundred years before he / she is born. ( Dean Inge ) ================================================ ================================================ Most men cheat in America. The rest cheat overseas ! ( Milton Berle ) ______________________________________________________ Children never put off till tomorrow what will keep them from going to bed tonight. ================================================ ================================================ The hardest thing in the world to raise is a child -- especially in the mornings. ______________________________________________________ Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. ( Red Skelton ) ================================================ ================================================ Before I was married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children -- and no theories. ( Earl of Rochester ) ______________________________________________________ I must have been an insufferable child; all children are. ( George Benard Shaw ) ================================================ ================================================ If he drinks your brand, smokes your cigars, lets you pay the dinner check and flirts with your wife ... he's your pal. But -- if he also wears your clothes, borrows your car and sleeps in your bed ... then he's a relative. ================================================ ================================================ My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. ( Winstion Churchill ) ______________________________________________________ The most important thing a farther can do for his children is to love their mother. ( Reverend Theodore Hesburgh ) ================================================ ================================================ Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. ( The Bible, Proverbs 22:6 ) ______________________________________________________ To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. ( Josh Billings ) ================================================ ================================================ A Daughter: The companion, the friend, and the confidant of her mother, and the object of a pleasure something like the love between the angels to her father. ( Richard Steele, 1710 ) ______________________________________________________ The suspicious parent makes the artful child. ( Thomas G. Halliburton ) ================================================ ================================================ The best years of a man's life are when the kids are old enough to shovel the snow but too young to drive the car. ______________________________________________________ Give a little love to a child and you will get a great deal back. ( John Ruskin ) ================================================ ================================================ When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to twenty - one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ( Mark Twain ) ================================================ ================================================ If you have never been hated by your children, you have never been a parent. ( Bette Davis ) ______________________________________________________ .... A family ... is a little kingdom, torn with factions and exposed to revolutions. ( Samuel Johnson, 1759 ) ================================================ ================================================ When I was a child my mother said to me, "If you become a soldier you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll become the pope." Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. ______________________________________________________ There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. ( Picasso ) ______________________________________________________ If I Like it, I say it's mine. If I don't, I say it's a fake. ( Picasso ) ______________________________________________________ We know that art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth. ( Picasso ) ================================================ Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi