Quotes #7 ================================================ "I've heard people say that the trouble with the world is that we haven't enough great leaders. I think we haven't enough great followers. I have stood side by side with great thickeners -- surgeons, engineers, economists; men who deserve a great following -- and have heard the crowd cheer me instead ... I'm proud of my profession. I like baseball. I like fans, too ... But I think they yelled too loudly and yelled for the wrong man." ( Babe Ruth ) ================================================ ================================================ People who complain about paying their income tax can be divided into two types: Men and Women. ______________________________________________________ When your ship comes in, it's always docked by the Government. ================================================ ================================================ The taxman was surprised to receive a letter which read, "Dear Sir, Last year I cheated on my tax and I can't sleep for thinking about it. I am therefore enclosing a cheque for 2, 000 pounds. If I find that I still can't sleep, I'll send you the balance." ______________________________________________________ I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. ( Arthur Godfrey ) ================================================ ================================================ Just before takeoff on a commercial flight, a stewardess asked Muhammad Ali to make sure his seat belt was fastened. "Superman don't need no seat belt," he protested. She answered: "Superman don't need no airplane either." He fastened it. ______________________________________________________ The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. A real executive goes around with a worried look on his assistants. Football isn't a contact sport. It's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. ( The above are from Vince Lombardi ) ================================================ ================================================ The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State building after taxes. ______________________________________________________ You've got to hand it to the tax collector. If you don't, he'll come and get it. ================================================ ================================================ A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn't have to take a civil service examination. ( Ronald Reagan ) ______________________________________________________ It's getting harder and harder to support the government in a style to which it has become accustomed. ================================================ ================================================ You might as well laugh at yourself once in a while -- everyone else does. ______________________________________________________ There's nothing so hollow as the laugh of the man who intended to tell the story himself. ______________________________________________________ He who laughs last ..... Doesn't get the Joke. ================================================ ================================================ In a 1985 Procter & Gamble poll, 93% of the people questioned recognized Mr. Clean, but only 56% of the same group could identify Vice - President George Bush. ______________________________________________________ More American kids age 3 - 5 recognize Ronald McDonald than Santa Claus or any other entity, real or mythical. ================================================ ================================================ While a calculator now is equipped with 18, 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1, 000 vacuum tubes and only weigh 1 1/2 tons. ( Popular Mechanics 1949) ______________________________________________________ There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. ( Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corp. 1977 ) ================================================ ================================================ Gone With the Wind is going to be the biggest flop in the history of Hollywood. I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling flat on his face and not Gary Cooper. ( Gary Cooper, 1938 ) ______________________________________________________ You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married. ( Emmeline Snively ( modeling agent ) to Marilyn Monroe 1944 ) ================================================ ================================================ He eats so fast, he's got a water cooled knife and fork ! ______________________________________________________ I'll say he's greedy. His favorite food is thirds !! ______________________________________________________ I've never seen anyone eat so fast in my life ! I'm telling you, she had starting blocks on her elbows. And it's the first time I've ever seen racing colours on a knife and fork. ================================================ ================================================ Fishing is a Jerk on one end of the line waiting for another Jerk at the other . ______________________________________________________ Last week I caught a fish so big I nearly dislocated my shoulders just describing it. ______________________________________________________ There are two types of fisherman: those who fish for sport and those who catch something. ================================================ ================================================ She was discovered by an Army photographer whose boss had told him "to take some morale - building shots of pretty girls for Yank and Stars and Stripes." The photographer's boss: a soldier named Ronald Reagan. ( The "pretty girl" was Marilyn Monroe ). ______________________________________________________ You need a certain number of breaks in baseball ... and every other calling. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can. I have only one superstition. I make sure to touch all the bases when I hit a home run. If I'd just tried for them dinky singles, I could've batted around six hundred. Don't quit until every base is Uphill ......... The Babe ( Ruth ). ( Yep, I keep on stepping up to the plate and taking my swings, Babe ) ================================================ Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi