Quotes #4 ============================================= Advertising has really changed our thinking. This morning my wife put on eye shadow, eyeliner, and eyelashes. I said, "What are you doing to your eyes?" She said, "Making them look Natural !!!" ============================================= ============================================= I've been in advertising for twenty years now. When I fill out a Questionnaire and it says Race -- I put down Rat !!! ============================================= ============================================= Every time they bring out a new product they call it Improved. Kinda makes you wonder what they were passing off on you last month. ============================================= ============================================= I'll tell you how human machines have become. I know an electronic brain that only thinks of one thing -- Naked Computers !!! ============================================= ============================================= Misery is spending $350 000 to bring out a brand - new product and your first customer is Ralph Nader. ============================================= ============================================= Then there's the girl who went to a computer dating service and said, "I want to meet somebody who's six feet six, strong fears no one, and who'll bite me on the ear." So they introduced her to an alligator. ============================================= ============================================= I just got back from the doctor's. I swear, there are so many things wrong with me, I don't know whether I was made in Heaven or Detroit !!! ============================================= ============================================= We were so poor it was embarrassing. Pigeons used to feed Us !!! Poverty is Catching. You can get it from your Kids. ============================================= ============================================= Someone once said, "Money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy respect. Money can't buy Love." I don't know who said it but he's got to be the world's worst shopper !!! ============================================= ============================================= A good salesman is someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder. A good salesman should never overlook the proper use of Flattery. You go from Show and Tell to Snow and Sell. ============================================= ============================================= SALES CURVE: 38 -- 22 -- 36 ..... Avon Lady. ( I know. Bad Joke, but that was the 70's ) ============================================= ============================================= There's an old New York proverb that goes: " A journey of a thousand miles begins with trying to find a parking space near the Theater." ============================================= ============================================= We should all be very greatfull to our neighbors. Just think, a marriage counselor gets twenty - five dollars and hour to listen to a couple yelling and screaming and fighting. Neighbors do it for Nothing. ( $25 Dollars an Hour ..... The 70's ) ============================================= ============================================= I know a fella who wants to get married but he can't. He's a Pacifist !!! ============================================= ============================================= I'll tell you what our house is like. We have three priests living with us who want to get married. The church sent them over to change their mind. ============================================= ============================================= I think the romance has gone out of our marriage. My wife just sent me a twenty - fifth anniversary card. It was addressed to Occupant. ============================================= ============================================= Nowadays, all housewives have one big problem. It's called the Zoo Problem. A housewife today is expected to dress like a peacock; sing like a nightingale; act like a lovebird; and Work like a Horse !!! ============================================= ============================================= My wife is a fantastic housekeeper. I mean, it's all right to be clean -- but who vacuums a lawn ??? My wife is so fastidious, twice a week she files her nails -- under N. ============================================= ============================================= You should see the way she wraps the garbage. It looks so good, I don't know whether to take it out or bring it in !!! You think I'm Kidding ??? Last Christmas the garbage men gave her a Tip !!! ============================================= Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi