Air Force Chuckles 


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force 
pilots and replies from the maintenance crews.
     
Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." 
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
     
Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." 
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
     
Problem:  "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "IT DOES NOW."
     
Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit." 
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
     
Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." 
Solution: "Evidence removed."
     
Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more    believable level."
     
Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
     
Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm decent." 
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
     
Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
     
Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." 
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
     
Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


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