Wedding and Marriage Humor Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956 A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. - Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi