Women speak in estrogen - Men listen in testosterone 


   HANDWRITING:
 To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot 
their "I's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops 
in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a 
woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiled face at the end 
of the note. 
     
   NICKNAMES:
 If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call
each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob 
and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each 
other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. 
     
   EATING OUT:
 And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in
$20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have 
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. 
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. 
     
   BATHROOMS:
 A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday 
Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. 
A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 
     
   GROCERIES:
 A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store
and buys these things. A man waits until the only items left in his 
fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He 
buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout 
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly 
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 
10-items-or-less lane.
     
   SHOES:
 When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then
slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag 
from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. 
Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under 
the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
     
----------
Submitted by:  Vaughn Lowther
Author : by Matt Groening (the creator of "The Simpsons")


Back Home
Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1