You know you are an engineer... If you introduce your wife as [email protected] If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas If Dilbert is your hero If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50 If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string If you window shop at Radio Shack If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies If you have -Dilbert- comics displayed anywhere in your work area If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush If you own -Official Star Trek- anything If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts If you have never backed-up your hard drive If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud If you truly believe aliens are living among us If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance -as-is- If you see a good design and still have to change it If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal If you have more toys than your kids If you need a checklist to turn on the TV If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting If people groan at the party when you pick out the music If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week If people hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time If you did the sound system for your senior prom If your checkbook always balances If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life If you thought the real heroes of -Apollo 13- were the mission controllers If you think your computer looks better without the cover If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work If you spend more on your home computer than your car If you know what http:// stands for If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage If your favorite part of the 6 o clock news is comparing their latest satellite weather picture with yours If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory If your lap-top computer costs more than your car If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate Nothing but Jokes by Nauman Faridi