Worst Death
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However,
St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants
today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So St. Peter
takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating
on me. I decided to come home early form work one afternoon and check to
see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I
heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere
for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there.
But the last place I looked was out on the balcony. I found the guy hanging
from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on
his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a
hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the guy - he landed in these
bushes! So I dragged the refrigerator from the kitchen (it weighed about
a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed
right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what
I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the
first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building.
I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing
them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and
fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing
another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself
up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he
seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up
again, but he comes out with this hammer and smashes my fingers to a pulp!
I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in these bushes. I couldn't
believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last - the last thing I
saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top
of me and crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then
he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator...
Nothing but Jokes by
Nauman Faridi
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