Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame
Kentucky:
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Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the
chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached
to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the
bumper.
South Carolina:
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A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on
the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut,
and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana:
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A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the
money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he
fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England:
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A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs
with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs
official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap"
is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing,
which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found
in the golf bag.
Arizona:
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A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies,
etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who
wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas:
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A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages
rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the
court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown):
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A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and
pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd
forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown):
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A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole -- are
you ready for this? -- the bank's video camera. While it was recording.
Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in
the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown):
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A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level
window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could
not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he
was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for
help...
Virginia:
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Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of
the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck
in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too
heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator
BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize
that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown):
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A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
Nothing but Jokes by
Nauman Faridi
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