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Jan 23, 2008.

Iím a male, age 19. Ever since I was very young, I couldnít breath enough. I used to be wasteful and alone and physically Ďbrokení, I used to keep popping drinks. I was sinful and lying though I took care not to lie at certain times. And at one or some points, I used to be running and running in the sense of just doing things away so I could breath, it provided temporary relief but not cure, and maybe Iím just going under. I wanted out of my wastefulness and prodigality, and my health was terrible and I was weak, and I thought the most productive thing to do was to invite people to Islam, so I did it, and I screwed it up so badly(to the extent, it seems of hinting/indicating/claiming Iím a messenger). I find myself physically and mentally breached. I used to be, I consider, sicker than most people, also in that I donít think I ever really loved or cared for any one(except maybe my mom), and before that I used to HATE my dad and ran away from home more than 5 times. I used to be weak, Im weak now, Iím a parasite, Iím Schizophrenic, I used to be incapable, Iím not so capable now, I sin more than most people I consider, Iím insecure, I used to be insecure., Iím sorry if I made such a claim, Iím sorry for all the people I hurt. I may have the lionís share of responsibility for this, and I definitely started it. And I canít change, and I donít want love, I just donít like hate, and I canít save you, and you canít save me. I have no intention to get a girl and I intend to mercilessly reject every proposal and this is a warning, though Iíve never consciously rejected any such thing before. And because I Ďpreachedí before I can tell you now that in actions I do not in any noticeable way show the signs of belief, let alone surrender to god(also I donít pray any of the obligatory 5). If you want to take a look at where I stand, look in the pit. Although I intend to remain at my minimum standard some day.


Currently I live in Saudi Arabia, I donít speak Arabic at all these days though I can understand some of it. If you want to communicate or throw in some advice, you can mail me at [email protected]. And a warning: Iím not into getting into a relationship with anyone, like there is nothing down here for someone looking for that. Also the nf2pehÖ ID does not have any scrambled something in it.

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