Once upon a time there was a not-so-handsome young man named Micky. He was in love with a girl named ~*M*~, but she was in love with a guy with a cute bottom name Pete. Erm, HE was called Pete, his bottom didn't have a name... "How am I going to win the fair ~*M*~'s affections?" he asked his friend, Mike. "Just play it cool, man!" Mike advised. "Is that how you're planning on getting Spev? How's that working out?" Micky retorted. Mike blushed. He was in love with Spev who was in love with a guy named Keith, and he was getting nowhere fast. "Sweep her off her feet!" Davy suggested. "And how's that approach working with Katie?" Mike asked. Davy had to admit that Roger was a bigger threat to Katie's affections than he'd first thought. "Slowly does it, y'know..." he muttered. "Show her how sensitive you are!" Peter chipped in. "You're sensitivity hasn't washed with Heather though," Davy pointed out. Peter too was in love with a girl named Heather (not the same as Spev, this Heather was American!) who was in love with a guy called John. "We're hopeless!" Mike declared, throwing his arms up i the air in frustration. "Pathetic. It's pitiful!" Micky added. "What do we do about it?" Peter asked. "Well that's just it then, we'll have to do what any other self respecting rock band would do," Davy decided. "What's that?" the others asked together. "Accept defeat and go and find someone else," Davy replied. "But -" they protested. "No, there's no point in antagonising over it any more," Davy interrupted. "We look antagonised enough as it is!" Peter agreed. "But what about fighting for what we could quite possibly love?" Mike asked, narrowing his eyes. "Mike's right! Let's go and get them. Uh... tomorrow," Micky decided. "Okay then, tomorrow, and if it doesn't work then we'll ditch 'em!" Davy relented. "Technically they aren't ours to ditch," Peter pointed out. "Technical, schmechnical, now get to bed!" Mike ordered, pointing in the direction of their bedrooms. So they all went to bed and planned what they were going to do the next day to get the girls of their dreams...
"OW!" Heather yelled.
"Oh, Heather, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?" Peter asked, genuinely concerned.
"Oh, I'm fine," Heather smiled, taking his outstretched hand and allowing herself to be helped up by Peter.
"Are you sure? You want to go and have a coffee?" he asked, looking worried. 'Bless him, he's so sweet! My John doesn't act like that,' Heather thought.
"Yeah, sure, I'd love to," she found herself saying. 'I don't believe this!' Peter thought, amazed.
"I hope Heather's all right, sweetheart," Spev told Keith, squeezing his arm.
"I'm shaw she'll be fine, dahlin'," Keith assured her.
"Sure she will," Mike agreed, cooly. Spev looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back, and as he did, his eyes narrowed. Spev gulped.
"Mike, I think I love you!"she declared, unlinking arms with Keith and going over to Mike.
"Bat, Spev, wot abaht me?" Keith protested, bewildered.
"She's more your type," she replied, pointing over to a slim, short, blonde girl who wore thick black eyeliner.
"Don't tew me 'oo my type is, Spev, y'know, 's you I love!" Keith argued, finally turning around to see where she was pointing to. He fell in love straight away.
"'Ello, dear gel, wot's your naim?" he asked, going over to her.
"Kim Kerrigan, wot's your naim?" the girl replied.
"I'm Keef Jun Moon an' I fink I'm in love wiv you!" he told her truthfully.
"Isn't that lovely?" Katie sighed. Davy smiled.
"Yeah. I'm David Thomas Jones and I think I'm in love with you!" he told her, kissing her hand.
"I love you too, Davy!" Katie gasped.
"Uh, ~*M*~?" Micky asked.
"Sure, I love you too!" she replied.
"You do?!" Micky asked, shocked.
"Course I do, now let's all go and celebrate!" she answered, dragging him outside. The others followed. Spev was now wearing Mike's woolhat and talking in a bad Texan accent. Mike smiled slowly at her.
"You're mad. But I like it," he told her.
"You're sane. But I like it!" she shot back at him.
And so that's how the Monkees won the girls of their dreams, against all odds...
THE END!
BACK TO THE PAD