1. Your favourite Monkees song is:
a) Last Train to Clarkesville
b) Daydream Believer
c) I’m a Believer
d) You hate all of the songs on principle
2. For a night on the town you
a) Go under pain of death and laugh at everyone else for having fun
b) Wear your best clothes and know you’ll pull
c) Wear fancy dress and make everyone laugh
d) Wear love beads and hope to become at one with nature
3. When choosing a boyfriend you
a) Find out if your intended has an accent
b) Find out how tall your intended is
a) Make sure he can make you laugh
b) Discover his sensitive side
4. You start singing to yourself, what do you sing?
a) Ruby Don’t Take Your Love to Town
b) There’s No Business Like Showbusiness
c) Mac the Knife
d) Mr Tambourine Man
5. It’s your birthday, what do you do?
a) Not mention it to anyone and hope they forget
b) Drop huge hints about the time of year and how much older you seem to be getting
c) Organise a huge party which should last for about seven days
d) Retreat to the forest and hang out with the birds and bees and racoons.
6. You’re lonely and you want to buy a pet. What do you buy?
a) A cat – they’re so independent and require much less looking after
b) A bird – after all, birds make the world go round, haha!
c) A dog – cos you need a friend now
d) You refuse to buy animals on principle
7. You’re in an argument and you seem not to be getting your own way. Do you
a) Smash your fist through the wall and say “Yeah, well, that could’ve been your face, m*****f*****!”
b) Throw a pop star tantrum
c) Do a James Cagney impression until they give in just to shut you up
d) Storm out of the room and start meditating to take your mind off it.
8. Were The Monkees a real rock band?
a) No, it was the great American narcotic machine at work
b) No, they were four actors playing the parts of musicians
c) I’ve always likened it to Leonard Nimoy really becoming a Vulcan…
d) Only around Headquarters time
9. You’re invited to a glitzy Hollywood awards ceremony. What do you do?
a) Go under great duress and complain the whole time
b) Go and flirt with everything in a pair of trousers
c) Go because it’s where you’ve always wanted to go and you’re really excited
d) Go but insist on wearing your love beads
10. You’re writing your homework and you make a mistake. What do you do?
a) Use your trusty bottle of white-out to rectify the problem
b) Scribble it out
c) Screw up the paper and throw it away
d) Try to make a different sentence out of what you’ve written so it doesn’t look like a mistake
Mostly a’s: You’re a Nezhead and Mike Nesmith is the guy you should marry. What a pity. He’s already MINE!!!!!!! *cackles maniacally*
Mostly b’s: You’re a Davylover and Davy Jones is your dream man. Beware, however, if you’re over 2’1” you may break your neck bending down to kiss him. I suggest sitting down for that (nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!).
Mostly c’s: You’re a Dolenzkateer! You are destined to be with Micky Dolenz. Still, I guess it could be worse. You could be destined to marry Roger Daltrey…
Mostly d’s: You’re a Torkaholic and Peter Tork is the man you should marry. I wish you both loads of peace and love and look after him. He’s very emotional. He cries at card tricks.
An even mixture: You’re a lost cause and you’ll never know who your favourite Monkee is. One word of advice for you would be HANDS OFF NESMITH, HE’S MINE!