My first comments would have to be on the actors.
Where the hell did they get THEM from?!
Did they just say to themselves "get three Americans and one English guy, shove wigs on them and give the tallest one a woolhat and nobody will notice"?! Well?! I discussed this with my English Monkeefreak pal, Lee, and he said it didn’t matter what they looked like, just so long as they told the story. I took his point, but I was still upset that I had nobody to perve over. In fact, I wouldn’t have minded in the least had the script writers told an ACCURATE story of the life and death of the phenomenon which was The Monkees. The fact is, they didn’t. I do have quite a lot to say about the four men who played the parts of The Monkees, but I’ll save it for later.
I loved the guy who played Donny Kirshner! He was so good at playing the part. He was a bit on the skinny side, but he had his facial expressions and irritating voice down to an art. He was so hateable! I think that was marvellous. What happened to Bert Schneider is a mystery, and was the blond guy meant to be Bob Rafelson? I really thought the guy playing Jack Nicholson was good at what he did but because it was such a blatant impression of him it wasn’t believable. Then again, look at who we had to play The Monkees!
There were several instances in the film where I was left thinking "Where the hell did they get that from?" and I was also annoyed that they didn’t get the words right in Fairy Tale ("Ten minutes or I’ll never marry you"? TEN MINUTES OR I’LL NEVER MARRY YOU??? Had he ever SEEN that episode, one begs the question?!) and the Dandruff bit in Head and what happened to Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again? during the birthday party scene in Head? Also, did you notice that they got the wrong costumes for the Daydream Believer video? Well, there you go. The really annoying bit was the ending when they Monkee-walked off into the sunset. WHY?! Everyone knows they all ended up hating each other! Well, not hating each other, but the whole Monkees thing didn’t finish in the most amicable fashion possible, did it?
After watching the film in its entirety, there were several questions I kept asking myself, I don’t know if you did the same. For example, was Mike such a bastard? Was Davy so vain? Was Peter really that much of a druggie? Was Micky really such a pain in the arse? Couldn’t they find REAL Scousers to play The Beatles? I listened to the guys who were playing John, Paul and George for about half an hour wondering what accent they were trying to do and in the end I decided that it was a cross between English, Welsh, Swedish and Pakistani. Yeah.
So, all in all, I was less than impressed with the film. I guess you could charitably say that at least the powers that be thought enough of The Monkees to make a film about them, but let’s face it, they made a lot of it up. I mean, for one thing, Phyllis Nesmith never went to hospital after her car accident. Mike’s one of those scientologist geezers who doesn’t believe in going to hospital so he wouldn’t let Phyllis go. Personally, I think it’s just an attempt to save a few bob on hospital bills but to make it sound less Scrooge-esque they say it’s a religion. Not that I’m laughing at other people’s religions, particularly the one of my Nezzy, but you gotta admit, it looks a bit suspect… Plus the fact I’m sure Phyllis didn’t talk like such a bimbo.
THE GUYS
Jeff Geddis: He played Michael. Well, he had the Nez walk off to a T, it was very good (y’know the way he puts his head down a bit and walks quite quickly and his knees go out to the side as he walks?). However, he was too fat – not that he was decidedly plump, it’s just we all know that until he reached the ripe old age of 55, Mike and fat hadn’t even met each other! And what was that accent meant to be? It just didn’t even enter into the realms of Texan – were there no accent teachers on hand when they were filming? Plus the fact… well… he wasn’t gorgeous. Not in a Nez way. Not at all. Most of all, the ultimate offence was that he didn’t wear his woolhat properly. He wore it on top of his head, not at the back on the crown of his head, the eejit!
L.B. Fisher: Our little Petah. I liked him best in terms of the fact he actually looked more like him plus the fact he was kinda cute anyway (what?!)! The best bit was when Mike said he was thinking of doing bits of producing on his own and Peter said "It’s not something we can do together?" and he was nearly crying and IT WAS SO CUTE! Yeah, I liked him. Good choice. At least they did something right. Oh and I wanted to snog him on the spot when he belted Davy one!
Aaron Lohr: a.k.a Micky. He had curly hair the whole way through the film, which we know didn’t really happen. He smiled quite literally all the time, even when he was being serious, which, let’s face it, wasn’t too often. I don’t quite understand why he played Micky in such an over the top way. Micky was a nutter, but not a hyper nutter! Well, a hyper nutter, but not an annoying little bugger of a nutter! He was considerably better looking than the real George Michael Dolenz, although that wasn’t much of a feat, unlike poor Mr Geddis who wasn’t as gorgeous as Mike, which is impossible unless you’re Keith Moon!
George Stanchev: Played our favourite Mancunian, David Thomas Jones. Oh dear. What on earth were the casting people playing at? WELL? Had they ever seen Davy Jones? What was wrong with Mr Stanchev? Well, too tall, too ugly, not enough sex appeal, generally NOT DAVY! What the hell was that hair all about, was it a dead animal perched on top of his head? Dress sense? What bloody dress sense?! As a Davy Jones, he was crap. I’m sorry, but he was. That’s the biggest complaint I have about the film. And as we know, Davy came from Manchester but didn’t have a Mancunian accent, except on the odd occasion, for example, at the end of The Christmas Show when he was saying "’Appy Chrissmuss!" to everyone. Mr Stanchev did a Queen’s English London voice the whole way through, sounded bugger all like Davy! The only way I actually KNEW he was playing Davy was when they said his name was Davy Jones! Oh, and another thing. I managed to make an extensive list of things NOT to say to Americans when I visit there:
#1: "Well, remind me to never visit Texas!"
#2: "Look at you! You're a pig! Didn't anyone ever teach you Americans how to eat properly?!"
Thank you, Mr Stanchev.
When Peter hit Davy. Oh I could’ve married him there and then! And the guy at the beginning with the red boots, I loved him! "Don’t go in there, Corky, he’s crazy!"
The final scene. It was like the scriptwriters just got bored and said, "Oh, they can dance with a few girls and Monkee walk off to the end credits."
As my little Nezhead chum Sam loves saying "Why don’t you just tell them they can take their third season and stick it up their suit and tied covered ass?" – Nez. ("Ever the diplomat, Mike!" – Micky) Also, as previously mentioned, "Don’t go in there, Corky, he’s crazy!" – guy sat by Micky.
"What about your son? What about me? Are we not real enough for you, Mike? … I’m worried about you, Mike!" – Phyllis. If she hadn’t spoken with such an irritating voice then I would’ve sided with her in that whole statement. As it was I think Mike was better off out of it!