The Natural Way by Nezumi

Warnings: Lime, Wufei-bashing, humor, shounen ai

Disclaimer: The gundam pilots do not belong to me (I wish), but my ideas do, so don�t steal my story.

Wufei woke up. The birds were singing and everything was right with the world. Or so he thought.

He pulled back the covers and took a deep breath. Then a loud moan broke the silence from the direction of Heero�s and Duo�s room.

�Damnit, I was hoping for a peaceful morning.� Wufei ran out of his room and to the door next door.

Wufei screamed � Do you know what time it is? Can�t you just give it a rest for one day?!�

�Oh! Heero!�

�Damnit Maxwell!� Hollered Wufei. �Keep it down!� Wufei trudged down the hallway and down to the next floor muttering about �braided baka�s� and noise.

When he reached the kitchen Wufei was greeted by a smiling Quatre.

�Good morning, Wufei,� Quatre greeted. �Would you like a fruit slushie on this fine summer day?�

�yes please.� Answered Wufei through gritted teeth.

�Oh Trowa,� Quatre called, �could you make Wu-chan a slushie?�

Trowa walked into the kitchen from the living room. �Yes, Quatre, one slushie coming right up!�

�That�s odd,� Thought Wufei. �Not only did Trowa just say something with enthusiasm, but I just walked through that room and I definitely did not see anyone in there� Oh well.�

Meanwhile, Trowa got out a couple of pineapples and a bucket of ice. He then poured the ice and fruit into the blender and turned it on.

�You infidel!! What are you doing?!� screamed Wufei. �It is not justice if you do not do this the natural way!�

Just then Duo walked into the room dragging Heero behind him. �What was that you said about �the natural way� Wu-man?� Duo asked as he winked suggestively at him.

�Kisama! Have you no decency?!� replied Wufei. �I was talking about the fruit slushie. And don�t call me �Wu-man�!!�

�Okay Wu-chan, but can�t you do better than a slushie?�

�Arrgh!!!� Wufei�s eyes were red and bloodshot. �I must calm down.� Wufei took a deep breath and counted to ten. �I am going now to make a real slushie.� Wufei strolled across the kitchen and past the stunned Quatre out to the garden.

Duo and Heero sat down at the table and looked at the door.

�I wonder what his problem is?� Questioned Quatre.

�Don�t worry about it Q.� Replied Duo. He then turned to Trowa. �Hey Trowa, since Wufei�s going to make his own slushie, do you mind if I have that one?�

Trowa turned and looked at Duo. �I kind of drank it already.� Duo got up, sat down on Heero�s lap, and wrapped his arms around his neck.

Heero raised an eyebrow, �What are you doing Duo?�

Duo replied, �I don�t need breakfast when I have you, Heero.�

�Hn.� Heero then grabbed the back of Duo�s head and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

�Get a room you two.� Trowa cut in.

Duo pulled away, �why get a room when there�s a convenient table right here?�

�Um� Trowa, why don�t we leave now?� Quatre ushered Trowa into the living room.

Meanwhile, in the garden�

Wufei walked down the path looking for a patch of strawberries that he knew were around. �Where could they be? I know they�re around here somewhere.� �Aha!� Exclaimed Wufei as he spotted the elusive bush. He walked over to the fruit and picked a few. He then took out a pail from who knows where and dropped them in.

Suddenly a low growl erupted from the bush. Wufei cautiously stuck his hand out and tried to part the branches. �Ow!� Wufei pulled his hand back and examined it. There was a red drop of blood on the end of his index finger.

Wufei looked up and gaped in horror as the bush tugged its roots out of the ground and started walking toward him.

He turned and ran.

Quatre and Trowa were sitting in the living room drinking tea. They had earplugs in because of all the noise that was coming from the kitchen.

�Nice day isn�t it?� Quatre asked Trowa.

Trowa saw Quatre�s lips moving, but he couldn�t hear a word he was saying because of the earplugs. �What?� Yelled Trowa.

However, because of the earplugs Quatre couldn�t hear him. �I wonder why Trowa isn�t answering me? How rude!� Quatre then turned to the window and saw the funniest sight. Wufei was plastered against the full-length glass window and banging his fist against it. �Oh well, back to my tea!� thought Quatre.

Wufei banged on the glass window screaming �Trowa! Quatre! Help! I�m being chased by a possessed strawberry bush!� He saw Quatre turn away. �Why won�t they help me? Can�t they hear me?!� Wufei turned and saw the plant lumbering towards him.

�That�s it, PLANT! I�m *not* going to take your crap any longer!� Wufei ran towards it and jumped at it. He stayed suspended in the air for five seconds. The plant just stood there scratching its head and not using this perfectly good opportunity to attack.

�AEIIII!! Take *this* you evil plant!!� Wufei extended his hand and� poked it in the eye with his pinky. The plant turned back into a regular strawberry bush.

�Ha! It has been defeated by my superior strength and technique� wait a second, I�m still floating in the air.� With this realization Wufei plummeted the three feet to the earth and landed in a black-ponytailed heap.

�Oww�� He struggled to his feet. �Now, what was I out here for again? Oh yes. My fruit slushie.� Wufei weighed his chances of getting some ice from outside, but since it was the middle of summer he doubted that it would be possible. �Oh well, I�ll just take some from the freezer. No one will know .�

Wufei snuck around the side of the house and in through the kitchen door where he was assaulted by Duo�s screams. He looked over and saw Duo laying on his stomach on the table with Heero panting behind him between his spread legs.

�Oh god! Heero! Harder!�

�That�s it! Take it all!� Growled Heero.

Wufei�s eyes bugged out and his nose started spurting out blood. He quickly ran to the freezer, grabbed some ice, and ran back outside. �Damnit! I did not need to see that!� He thought, �at least the blood�s stopped.�

Wufei walked over to the big shed that was connected to the hanger and pulled out a huge four foot by four foot metal basin. He poured both the strawberries and the ice into the basin. He then took off his shoes and climbed into it and started jumping up and down trying to squish everything together.

�This is how to make a real slushie.� He thought.

But then something horrible happened. Wufei slipped on a piece of ice and fell down into the tub. Pain started shooting up and down his back. �GET ME TO MY CHIROPRACTOR, QUICK!� His scream was so loud that Quatre and Trowa heard it through their earplugs and came running. Heero and Duo, however, did not as they were engaged in� other activities�

After a frantic drive to Wufei�s chiropractor, five days of intense physical therapy, and a rant-filled drive home, Wufei was as good as he was ever going to get. And of course, when he got back, all of the pilots were there to mock him with their very own homemade slushies.

Owari ^_^