Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is unfortunately not mine, but is the property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, TV Asahi and other associated parties. This piece of fictional work is only for entertainment purposes and has not being used for any exchange of money. Any reproduction of any work is purely accidental and will instantly be removed should it cause any offence. I do not lay any claim to the characters used (unfortunately) which have being used in this piece of fiction without permission, so please do not sue me. I have big debt problems as it is, and if you should decide to try and sue me, I'll cry. ^_^

Title: When Does It Stop Hurting?
Author: KK (Koko Kitty)
Category: Deathfic, angst, and yaoi/shonen-ai
Pairings: 1x2x1/1+2+1
Rating: PG-13? Bumpy terrain ahead, so if you think you may not like it, DON'T read it. For your own sake.
Warnings: Deathfic. Probably OOC ::hangs head::
Notes: My first ever completed fic! Although it wasn't the first one I thought of. This is under the assumption that Duo and Heero were already a couple and stereotypical characters are used. The idea came to me when I was on the bus to town. I was passing a cemetery when I came over all sad, and this is the result.
I just want to offer my condolences to all those people who have lost somebody special. @--'--,---

The paragraph in italics is a flashback/reminiscence.

When Does It Stop Hurting?
A GW fanfiction by Koko Kitty

 
His feet came to a gentle halt at the grave. The same grave he had being visiting for five whole years now. He gently laid the flowers down, then straightened. A mournful sigh followed by a moment of complete silence, interrupted only by the rustling of trees as the autumn wind blew.

"I haven't forgotten you, my love. I wish you were here...I wish you were here to share life with me. I wish you were here, so we could do all that stuff that you joked about. We'd be so happy..."

A sad smile tugged at his lips and he felt the familiar prickling of tears. Taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down, he blinked his eyes rapidly to disperse the moisture before it could form into tears.

"When?" He choked out, "When will it stop hurting? How long do I have to go on before I can see your beautiful face again? I'd join you now, but I know you wouldn't want that, and I promised never to make you sad."

A single tear slowly slid down a smooth, sunlit cheek. He failed to stifle a sob. More tears slowly started to descend, unstoppable in the cruel torrent of emotions that threatened to overwhelm his very soul. The sight of the grave that marked the death of the only thing that had ever made him happy was too much. He hated seeing the proof that his beloved would no longer hold him at night and that he had gone. Despite mourning for so long now, he still couldn't come to terms with it. Couldn't stop the plentiful tears that came with his thoughts of his beloved. Thoughts of what was, what could have being were always intercepted by his thoughts that they would never happen. That he could never do all those things with Duo, because he was gone. He was taken away from him, just when they were enjoying their war-free lives.

Memories played in his head. Cruel memories that filled him with warmth and love and that also made him wish he wasn't alive.

 
********

"Heero?"

"Hmm?"

The fire blazed on, making the two figures in the sleeping bag warm and cozy. A gentle breeze caressed their cheeks while and earthy scent surrounded them and played on their senses.

"I love you."

Duo snuggled closer to the lean body he was being held against. Strong arms enveloped him and made him feel loved. Like he belonged.

Heero gently settled his chin atop Duo's head, while he ran his fingers through the long, silky locks. A smile that could only portray a fraction of the incredible emotion that surged through him whenever Duo said those three words, refused to be removed from Heero's handsome features.

As Duo's body relaxed in his arms and his breathing evened out and deepened, Heero peered down to see Duo was fast asleep, a contented smile on his face.

"I love you too, Duo. I love you too."

********

The wind pushed the chocolate coloured locks past Heero's tearstained eyes, while he stood, reminiscing. He thought of the times when he and Duo took advantage of being what they were-two young, free people, helplessly in love. He would always cherish the moments that they had shared together and he would never forget Duo. He couldn't forget Duo, even if he'd wanted to. The cheerful, longhaired beauty had made such an impact on his life, there was no way that Heero could ever forget him. The fact that Duo was Heero's love made it so that Duo would always be the owner of his heart and soul.

He had to stop doing this. His thoughts just went round in circles, and always led him to remembering that Duo wasn't here with him anymore. And that hurt him. Bad. Remembering all the wonderful things that they had done, then realisation that the person that did those things with him had gone, hurt. The emotional pain was intense when Heero knew that he would never see that cute, lively expression on Duo's face, and that he wouldn't wake up with Duo's limbs deliciously tangled up in his own anymore.

"Du...Duo...I miss you...I miss you so much. It gets harder everyday, you not being here. If only you were here, Duo. If only you hadn't...If only you hadn't died. Life's being so dull and meaningless without you here. I need your smiles, Duo. I need your love, your warmth, and your cheeriness. I...I...I need *you*, Duo."

Heero inhaled a shaky breath. Realising that his wishes and needs would never be fulfilled broke him into pieces. He took one last lingering look at the cold, upright slab of stone that marked Duo's grave. He couldn't stay here. It hurt too much. It hurt too much to see the proof that the brightest, most amazing star ever to have graced his path had been wrenched away from his life. He cursed death for that. For taking his Duo away from him. However, he also welcomed it, knowing that when death came for him, he would be reunited with his love.

********

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Author's notes: *blink blink* Umm...that didn't work out as well as it did in my head... *Twists thumbs and fingers about* Umm...so, what did you think? It's my very first completed fic, and I'd appreciate any C&C on whether or not I should pack my bags and get the hell out of the writing world. Please take into consideration this was written ages ago, and I'm posting it for the sake of it. Hopefully, 'better' stuff is on the way. I thought that it'd be longer than this. It looked so much...more on paper...ah well!
I know that maybe Heero and Duo would never act like that, but I wanted to write it nethertheless. I want to write a fic justifying what brings them together, but I haven't gotten round to it yet. *Looks sheepish*
PLEASE send C&C! I'm new at this writing malarkey, and would appreciate any brutal criticism to help me along.

Completed May/June 2001 (ish)
Revised August 2001