Osama short Jokes

Q. What's the difference between Elvis and Osama Bin Laden?
A. Osama is a dead man!

Q. What do Monica Lewinsky and Osama Bin Laden have in common?
A. They both blew a power structure!!

To catch Osama Bin Laden, Grandpa sez:
Spray Afghanistan with Viagra and the little prick will pop up!

Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden collect goat shit?
A. Because it's a great growing culture for anthrax, and it makes terrific deodorant.

Q. Why did Osama fire Martha Stewart?
A. She was unable to find fabric that went with stalagmites.


Q. What's another name for the DaisyCutter bomb?
A. The TaliWhacker.

Q. Why do the Taliban wear robes?
A. A goat can hear a zipper a mile away.

Q. Know what the Taliban do for fun?
A. Sit around and get bombed

Osama Bin Laden never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Bill Clinton.

Q. What's the national bird of Afghanistan?
A. Duck!!

Q. Why do they call the camel Q. "the ship of the desert?"
A. Because it's full of Arab semen!

Q. What's the difference between bin Laden and Aladdin?

A. Aladdin had 3 wishes and bin Laden only has 1 - a death wish.


Q. What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

A. They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from.


Q. How do you stop a Taliban tank?

A. Shoot the guy pushing it!


Q. What do bin Laden and Fred Flintstone have in common?

A. They both look out of their caves and see Rubble

Q. What do you call Osama bin Laden buried up to his neck in sand?

A. Not enough sand.


Q. Do you know how we can get Osama bin Laden?

A. Lace a bunch of Watchtower magazines with anthrax and send the Jehovah Witnesses in after him. Those people can find anybody!

Q. What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?

A. Osama bin Latte

Q. Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road?

A. He didn't. They don't have roads.

Q. What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?

A. They both irritate Bush.


Q. How Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:

A. If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!


Q. What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?

A. The New York Jets!



 

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How to make Osama annoyed

1. Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious.
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"

2. Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favourite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell.

3. Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place.

4. Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook.

5. Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle.

6. Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But do not, under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics.

7. Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping.

8. Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition.

9. Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because you haven't seen "Sex and the City" for weeks.

10.Yank the end of his turban really hard to make him spin around like a top.

11. Switch all the CD's in the jewel boxes in his CD collection, so that when he reaches for Michael Bolton, he'll actually get the Mohammed Rafi.

12. Mine his bathroom.

13. Leave business cards for the Israeli Mossad in his Rolodex.

14. Take pictures of all his wives and post them on www.AmIhotOrNot.com

15. Ask him if he wears boxers or briefs. Check. Take pictures. Again, post these on www.AmIhotOrNot.com

16. Give him a Hot Chicks of Palestine calendar.

17. Ask him if Paradise is different for each person, and whether in your own paradise you'll get to "kick his ass every day for eternity".

18. Refer to him as "Osama-osama-fee-fi-fo-fama bin Laden".

19. Ask whether suicide bombers have to pay union dues.

20. Tell him it's lovely what he's done with his cave, but that it'd look much nicer covered with huge, smoking craters.

21. At dinner, imply that the Northern Alliance has much prettier place settings.

22. Claim you once saw him at a Hooter's in Muncie wearing a yarmulke.

23. Ask him if he wouldn't mind if you opened the door and shined your laser pointer on his forehead for a few minutes.

24. Tell him that this is the worst pyjama party you've ever attended.

25. Ask for some pork rinds and a good brew to wash them down.

26. Ask him if he provides his employees with a 401K plan.

27. Complement him on all his poppies outside, but mention that a few day lilies would be a nice accent.

28. Ask whether the Taliban is hoping to be bombed ahead into the Stone Age, or perhaps the Iron Age if enough shell casings survive.

29. Explain that America is a land of freedom and opportunity, filled with people of every race, religion, and background, including millions of women strong enough to knock the crap out of him.

30. Claim that they serve much better falafel at the public executions in Sudan.

31. Ask him if he's pursuing the Lesser Jihad, the Greater Jihad, or the "Completely Whacked Out of his Freaking Gourd" Jihad.

32. Swirl your drink thoughtfully and mention, "Just think, in a few weeks you might fit in this glass!"

33. Check to see if Saddam is on his speed-dial list.

34. They have to wait a few years to see current television shows in Afghanistan, so give away the secret of who's having a baby on Friends.

35. Warn him that you're "in a New York state of mind."


36. Ask him, "say, where do you keep all those Stinger missiles?" just in case he'll be caught off guard and answer correctly.

37. Give him a "noogie" or a "wedgie". If there's actually still a flush toilet left in Afghanistan, give him a "swirlie".*

38. Play a game of Monopoly with him. Make him play the thimble. See if he charges interest. Claim that his properties are your "holy lands" and blow up his hotels.

39. Offer to take him "clubbing" in Tel Aviv with your friends Saul and Ivan.

40. When you leave, wave and say, "Shalom!"

41.Mention that his wives look quite fetching in their burkas, and ask whether they've ever thought of modelling.
 

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