(as of this date)
she broke up with him
this is just getting harder and harder to deal with
i like her
but i didnt say anything
and everything was cool
then i did
stupid move
after that it was weird between us
especially cuz we never talk about it . . .
dammit
it took a while, but we started hanging out again
then i found out she had a boyfriend
shit
i still had feelings for her
why
i realized i couldnt have her
i tried and i tried to make my feelings go away
. . . they didnt
fuckin ay
after a while
i could actually think of something besides . . . her
finally
maybe i can actually not be feenin on her
so then i get a call
she wants to dump her boyfriend
maybe for me
yay . . . i think
god dammit
i just started wanting to get over her tho
now this comes up
so she brakes up with him
good, but . . . bad
if i just ask her out
we could go together
but im not gonna
am i
i want to
why cant i
why dont i
crap
after actually knowing i wasnt gonna say anything
i talk to her on the phone that night, as a friend
her voice
its so . . . so . . . nice
and soothing
im confused again
what do i do
i have no idea anymore
i used to think i did
now im clueless
AGAIN
if i did ask her out
it would probably only be until school started
but from now until then . . .
i would be so happy
*sigh*
life is too confusing . . .
(my heart isnt broken,
its waiting for the end of the story)
- Chris
July 31, 2002