Title: The Worst Can Happen to the Best
Author: Melissa K.
Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own any of the characters. If I did, well, I'd be one happy woman. The song used in this FF is "Healing Hands" from the ER soundtrack.
Spoilers: None!
Rating: I'd say PG to PG-13. There are some sexual instances but nothing graphic. The sex goes as far as it would on the show. DON'T WORRY!
Author's Note: Please, only good and helpful feedback. This FF is much more serious than ELR has ever been. It's a little long, but I believe worth the wait. If you want to post this, please email me.
Synopsis: After an eventful shower, Debra discovers something about herself she is too afraid to tell her family, especially Ray.
Monday Morning:
Raymond Barone knocked on the bathroom door. The water in the shower was running full blast and he could feel the heat ooze out from the slight crack of the door.He could hear the shower radio also playing loudly and figured she didn't hear his knock. Ray opened the door more and stepped in.
"Hurry up and shut the door. You're letting all the heat out," Debra Barone said from behind the shower curtains.
Ray shut the door behind him. "I just need to use the bathroom."
Debra sighed. "Come on, Ray, why don't you use the kids' bathroom? I'm still going to be in here once you're done."
Ray shrugged as he walked over to the toilet. "I don't have to do...number two."
"Okay then. But make it quick."
Ray started to unbutton his pants as Debra started to hum along with the radio. She then started to sing softly. "...Now I feel your hands as smooth as silk. Drunk like a baby on his mother's milk. Take me down under the wishing tree..."
Ray pulled the zipper of his jeans back up and walked over to the bathtub. He laughed quietly as he listened to her sing. He brought his hands up to the shower curtain and slowly pulled it back just enough to stick his head in.
Debra had her eyes closed as she was washing the suds out of her hair. She ran her hands though her hair, making sure there was no soap left. "...Lay your healing hands on me..." Ray smiled as he reached his index finger for her underarm and lightly brushed her arm.
"AHHH!!!!" Debra squealed. She instinctively brought both of her hands down and covered her chest. She took a step away from the streaming water and looked over at her husband. She smacked his hand as he retreated it back.
"I couldn't help myself," Ray smirked. "You told me to lay my healing hands on you."
Debra rolled her eyes. "You scared the crap out of me. What if I had slipped and hit my head on the tub?" Debra brought both her hands to her face and wiped her eyes.
"You have perfect grace and reflexes like a cat." Ray looked at her and meowed.
"Oh please." Debra reached over for a face cloth and a bar of soap.
Ray looked at her. "Can I help you?"
Debra looked at her husband sideways and shook her head. "What do you think?" she said sarcastically with an arched eyebrow.
Ray shrugged as he pulled his head back and closed the curtain. "Serves me right," he thought. He walked back over to the toilet and unzipped his pants again.
"Get in here, Raymond..." Debra said from inside the shower.
Ray looked up and stared at the cabinet in front of him. He smiled to himself as he forgot about the real reason he gone in there. "Never underestimate a woman who just ended her 'ladies days,'" he thought as he started to remove his pants and shirt.
Ray had gotten out of the shower before Debra. He knew he was going to be late for golf but he figured "taking a shower" was a good excuse for his tardiness. Standing in front of his bed, he smiled to himself as he buttoned up his polo shirt and headed for the bathroom door again.
"I'm going now," he said through the door.
Debra shut the water off. "Okay, Ray. See you when you get back." She smiled.
"Okay, Deb. Bye." He turned and left the room.
Debra stepped out of the shower and grabbed a deep green towel that was sitting on the toilet seat. She lightly patted her body dry and then wrapped the towel around her hair. She then walked over to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of lotion. Debra pumped some lotion into her hands and started to smooth it over her legs and thighs. The room was still thick with hot air so she walked over to the window and opened it a little. A cool air rushed in from the small crack and Debra walked away. She continued to smooth lotion over her arms and stomach. When she finished, Debra rewrapped her turban and looked at herself in the mirror over the sink. Sighing, Debra reached one arm behind her head and brought the other one to her underarm. "My favorite part of post-menstrual examinations," she said to her reflection. Slowly she began to press the skin along her side and under arm.
Monday Afternoon:
Debra was sitting at the kitchen table with the phone to her ear. "Yes... Thursday at one... That will be fine. How long does it take?... I guess I'll have my mother-in-law pick the kids up from school then..." Debra shifted in her chair uncomfortably. "I know... No, I haven't said anything... I know... I just want to know before I say anything... "She felt tears well in her eyes. "Thank you," she said as she clicked the phone off and placed it on the table. She rested her head on her hands and took a deep breath. All of a sudden Debra heard a knock at the door and Marie walked into the kitchen. Debra looked right up and put on a fake smile.
"Hello dear. I was wondering if I could have my big spoon back," Marie asked.
Debra stood up with the phone in her hand. "Sure, Marie. It's right there." Debra pointed to the pile of clean dishes on the counter next to the sink as she hung the phone up. Debra rubbed her eyes before she turned around again.
Marie turned around and found the spoon underneath a few plates. She inspected the spoon and smiled. "Thank you, Debra." Marie looked along the counter and then frowned. "Did you run out of soap, dear? You have quite a few dirty dishes left in the sink."
Debra looked over at the sink and sighed. "No, those dishes are going in the dishwasher and I have to take the clean ones out of it before I can put the dirty ones in." She really didn't feel like explaining herself to Marie right now.
Marie smiled. "Oh okay. But in, in my days we just washed all the dishes together by hand."
Debra shrugged. "Yeah, I know Marie. And you had to use that terrible, harsh soap that dried out your hands and made them turn red too, right?"
Marie became serious. "Those were dark days, Debra. They have such nice soap now that can actually moisturize you skin."
Debra walked over to the dishwasher and opened it. "Yes, they do." She didn't feel like arguing anymore. She pulled out one of the trays and started to take out the clean cups.
Marie watched Debra for a few moments. "Is there something wrong, dear?"
Debra tried to keep her cool. "No, why would you say that?"
Marie brought a hand to her eyes."You're eyes look red."
Debra ran her hand under her eyes and shook her head. "I, I was dusting earlier and it flared up my allergies."
Marie looked around the kitchen and ran her index finger along the edge of the counter. "That would explain it..."
Debra rolled her eyes as she grabbed a few plates and stuck them in the cabinet. "Can you pick the kids up from school on Thursday for me, Marie?"
Marie nodded. "Of course. Is there something wrong?"
Debra wished she would stop asking that. "I have a doctor's appointment at one o'clock and I'm not sure I'll be out in time. Ray's got golf and I'd rather know someone was picking them up than me having to rush around."
Marie nodded again. "If there is anything I can do..."
Debra sighed. She continued to put the dishes away. "So what are you cooking for dinner tonight?" Debra asked changing the subject.
Marie put her hand on her hip and cleared her throat. "I was thinking manicotti but I'm not sure if I have enough ricotta cheese."
Debra closed the top shelf of the dishwasher and pulled out the bottom shelf. "I have some in the refrigerator if you need it."
Marie shook her head. "No, Frank likes his fresh rather than from a can."
Debra shook her head. "How could I forget that?"
"Okay," Marie smiled. She started to walk towards the door. "I'll see you later, Debra."
Debra nodded as she watched Marie walk out of her house and shut the door behind her. Debra immediately put the dishes she had in her hands down on the counter and ran up to her bedroom, tears streaming down her face.
Monday Night:
Ray walked into the house from the garage door and spotted Debra setting the table for dinner. Ray unzipped his jacket and walked over to her. "Hey, Chicken Little."
Debra's face lit up when she saw Ray behind her. "Hey, honey," she said as Ray walked over to her and kissed her lips lightly. "How was work?"
Ray took off his jacket and draped it over one of the chairs. "Well, you know how hard it is for me to watch a baseball game from the press box," he said sarcastically.
Debra laughed. "It must be brutal."
Ray nodded. "So how about your day?" Ray grabbed some glasses and put them on the table. "Did anything interesting happen?"
Debra shook her head. "Nope. Just another regular day at home." She grabbed some silverware and placed it in a pile on the table. "I'm going to the doctors on Thursday so I asked Marie to pick the kids up from school."
"Are you sick?"
Debra shook her head with a smile. "No, just a routine checkup. They could only take me on Thursday at one."
Ray walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a ginger ale. "That's nice. But you could have asked me to pick the kids up instead of my mother."
Debra shook her head again. "Aren't you going golfing with Gianni on Thursday?"
Ray thought for a moment and then nodded. "Oh yeah. How could I forget?"
Debra walked over to the stove and opened it up. "And heaven forbid I should interrupt a sacred game of golf..." she said under her breath.
"What are you cooking?" Ray asked, afraid of what she'd say.
Debra took out the tray and placed it on the stove. "Lemon chicken with mashed potatoes and rice."
Ray smiled truthfully. "Good. I love your lemon chicken." Ray walked up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "That just happens to be my favorite meal you make. Is there something you want?" he asked sarcastically as he kissed her ear.
Debra shrugged her shoulders. "No, I was just in the mood to make it."
Ray ran his hands across her back. She was so tense compared to this morning's shower. "Did my mother say something to you?"
Debra blinked her eyes and smiled. "No, no. Nothing besides her usual slams." She forked the chicken onto a large glass plate.
"Well, I think you're a good wife, Debra." He gave his wife a pat on the rear. "I'll go get the kids."
Debra smiled as she stirred the rice. "Thank you, Ray."
"No problem." Ray bent down and kissed her forehead. He wasn't really convinced she was telling him the truth but he tried not to think anything of it. She would tell him when she was ready.
Tuesday Night:
Debra walked into the bedroom in her bathrobe and slippers. Ray was already in bed but he was not asleep. He flipped a few channels and then stopped on the Discovery Channel.
"I've seen this one before...about the monkeys." He looked at his watch. "There was this part where it talked about mating rituals and..." Ray smiled. "See for yourself." He pointed to the screen.
Debra took off her bathrobe and stepped out of her slippers. She looked at the TV screen and pursed her lips. She arched one eyebrow as she slid into bed next to Ray. "Is this the reason you actually watch the Discovery Channel?" Debra pulled the sheets over her body and rested back up against the headboard.
Ray shook his head as he leaned over and kissed her neck. "Learn new moves."
Debra pushed his head away and pulled the sheets up to her chest. "I don't feel like it tonight, Ray."
Ray slid closer to Debra and kissed her lips. At first Debra started to push him off but she gave into his kiss and wrapped her arms around her neck. Ray slid her down on the mattress and moved his hand under her pajama top. Debra immediately stopped kissing Ray and pushed him off of her.
Ray looked at her breathless. "What-what did I do? I thought you liked that." He went down to kiss her lips.
Debra shook her head and pushed him off again. "I need to use the bathroom." Debra tossed the sheets off her body and stood up. "I'll be right back." She walked to the bathroom.
Ray slumped back on the bed and took his watch off. He shrugged his shoulders as he lay down on the mattress. "Fine. I'm going to bed. I suddenly lost the mood."
"Okay Ray," Debra called from the bathroom.
Ray dropped his head on his pillow and sighed. "Once again, the monkey never learns," he thought as he closed his eyes.
.
Thursday Evening:
Ray walked into the house and threw his keys on the table. He didn't look too happy as he walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of ginger ale. He reached up and unbuttoned his coat.
Debra heard the door shut downstairs and figured Ray had come home. And since she didn't hear him call out her name, Debra figured he hadn't had a successful day on the course. She stood up. She still had the cordless phone in her hand and placed it down on its cradle. She looked kind of nervous as she walked out of the bedroom door and down the stairs.
Ray flipped on the television and flipped through the channels. Debra walked down the stairs slowly and took a deep breath. "Hey honey... How was golfing?" She walked over to the couch and kissed Ray on the cheek.
Ray took a drink of his ginger ale. "It was wonderful." He said sarcastically. "I forgot my driver in the garage. I must have lost like five balls in the woods. I tripped on a tree root. And then I had to buy the guys a round of drink at the country club since I had the highest score."
Debra nodded. "That's too bad."
Ray shook his head. "It was terrible. I never played so bad in my life."
Debra walked over to the window and looked out. "That's too bad." She said not paying much attention.
Ray sighed. "And then at the last hole a flying saucer came down and landed right on the green and decided to take my ball back to their home planet." He knew she wasn't paying attention.
"Wonderful, Ray," Debra said as she wrapped her arms around her chest.
Ray turned down the volume on the TV and took a drink of his soda. He looked at Debra. "Deb?"
"What?" she asked.
"Do you have something on your mind?" Debra nodded. "Dr. Lewis asked me to come in and have some routine blood work done tomorrow around four. You'll be home to be with the kids, right?"
Ray nodded. "You need a ride?"
Debra shook her head. "No, Amy and I have to go to the mall tomorrow so she said she could take me."
Ray looked at Debra. She was acting very strange. "Are you sure you're all right?"
Debra nodded. "Yes, I'm fine." She didn't sound to convincing.
Ray scratched his shoulder as he watched his wife walk away from the window and into the kitchen. "Good, because I actually thought something may be wrong with you," Ray said sarcastically.
Debra looked back. "I'm sorry, Ray. I'm just thinking Ally should be home any minute now."
Ray stood up and walked over to his wife. "She said she was going to be home around five," he looked at his watch. "It's only ten past fine now."
Debra looked at Ray and smiled softly. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just overreacting..." She turned toward the refrigerator.
Ray squinted his eyes at Debra. "Everything go well at the doctors today?"
Debra's face went white and was glad Ray couldn't see her reaction. She nodded and scratched her elbow as she opened the door.
Ray looked down at Debra. "You're acting weirdly. Are you sure you're okay? Did you want to tell me something?"
Debra sighed and turned around. "Actually, Ray, there is something..."
Just then a car pulled up in front of the house and Ally walked through the front door. "I'm home."
Debra and Ray walked into the living room and greeted their daughter. "Hey sweetheart, we missed you." Debra gave Ally a hug and kiss. "Did you have fun at the sleep over?"
Ally smiled as Ray hugged her. "It was real cool. Trisha's Mom rented 'Ice Age' and 'The Princess Diaries' and we ordered pizza at like ten o'clock. Trisha's older sister painted our nails and gave us makeovers. It was the best party I ever went to." She headed for the stairs.
Ray looked over at his daughter. "There were no boys at this sleep-over, where there?"
Ally laughed. "Of course not, Dad. Steve and Richie went home before the movies." She continued up the stairs.
Ray shook his head. "They grow up too fast," he said as he looked over his shoulder for Debra. But she wasn't there. Ray shrugged and walked back over to the couch. "It's like talking to a wall sometimes," he said as he sat down and flipped the TV back on.
Friday Night:
Ally chased her brothers around the living room and they shrieked as they ran into the kitchen. Ray raised up his hands. "Hey! Hey, keep it down guys!"
Michael and Geoffrey ran back into the living room with Ally still chasing after them. They whispered their yells until they reached the stairs and ran up them.
Ray sighed as he looked in the freezer and pulled out a box of fish sticks. Debra hadn't returned from getting blood work done and it was going on five-thirty. He figured she was just running late and that maybe she and Amy ran a few errands before coming home. If she wasn't back within a half hour, he would start to worry.
Almost immediately after he thought that, Ray heard a car come up the driveway. Ray threw the box of fish sticks on top of the stove and reached into one of the bottom cabinets for a cookie sheet.
A few minutes later, Debra slowly walked into the kitchen. She didn't look well; her eyes were swollen, her skin was pale and her hair was a little out of place. She unzipped her jacket as she walked towards the table.
"Nice of you to come home, Debra. I had to start dinner myself," Ray complained as he dumped the fish sticks on the tray. When she didn't come back with a response right away, he looked over his shoulder and saw the back of Debra.
Debra placed her keys on the table and took off her jacket. She slumped her shoulders as she grabbed the pile of mail on the table and leafed through it.
Ray noticed Debra's usual sturdy posture was kind of sluggish. He placed the empty box of fish sticks on the counter and walked over to his wife. "Did everything go well at the doctors?" Ray knew something was very wrong. She really didn't look herself.
Debra threw the mail on the table. She looked down at her hands and turned around to face her husband. She couldn't get herself to look up at his face, into his eyes.
"Debra, did the doctor find something?"
Debra kept her arms by her side and looked up at his face. Her eyes were filled with tears. She wasn't sure if she could trust her voice. Debra licked her lips and took a jagged deep breath. She didn't know where to begin. "On Monday, after our shower together, I did my usual self exam...you know..." Her voice was soft and child like.
Ray nodded. "I remember that shower."
Debra took another deep breath. "I found a lump in my breast, Ray. I really didn't think much of it at the time, but then I remembered my grandmother had breast cancer and I called the doctor right away. I didn't go for a regular checkup yesterday, Ray. I went to see my obstetrician. I had a mammogram done and..."
Ray could hardly believe his ears. He didn't want to hear bad news. Not now and not ever. "Oh God..." he whispered.
Debra felt tears roll down her cheeks but didn't bother to wipe them away. She felt her voice failing. "I...I...I..., the doctor f-found a...a..." She couldn't say it.
"They found what, Debra?" Ray said out of nervousness.
Debra began to cry. "It's c-c-cancer."
Ray ran a hand through is hair. "Oh...my..." was all he could day. Ray couldn't believe his ears. He never thought something like this would happen to his family. He was too stunned to say anything, to do anything. Even hearing Debra say it, he still didn't believe it.
Debra walked over to the sink and rested her hands on the edge, bowing her head before the window. "It doesn't seem real. I don't feel sick. I don't look sick." She looked down at her breasts. "I don't know if I can do this..."
Ray walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He was going to say something but Debra pushed his hands off and walked towards the garage door. Ray followed her saying, "You can do this Debra. I know you can fight this and win."
Debra stopped in front of the car. "I'm so scared, Ray. So scared." Debra said loudly as she shook her head. "I don't know if I'm that strong. What if, if I have to have a breast removed? What if I'm left with scars and deformed..." She wiped her cheeks. "What will you think of me?"
Ray walked over to her but she backed away from him. Ray threw his hands up in the air. "Is that what you're worried about?" he asked.
"Do you think I would love you less if you didn't have a breast?" Ray took a step closer and looked into her eyes. He could understand what she was getting at. "Jesus, Debra. I'm a better man than that. I love you for, for who you are, not what you look like." He didn't like how that came out.
Debra walked past Ray and back into the house. Ray followed her. "It's just another part of your body. I love you for you."
Debra stopped in front of the kitchen table and turned around. She wrapped her arms around her chest. "But, it's not just you. It's me..." She had stopped crying but she was still breathing heavy. "My breasts, they're what make me who I am... They make me a woman." She shook her head. "You can't understand." She brought her hands to cover her chest.
Ray shook his head. "I can't understand Debra, but if it ever came down to your life and your breasts, I would take YOU, no doubt about it. Yes, your breasts make you a woman, but for me, I don't need them to be happy... What I need is you. My wife." He walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Your life, your being around in my life, that's all I need. At least that's how I feel." He didn't know what he was saying or if he was making sense.
Debra shook her head. "Damn it," she cried as she buried her face in Ray's shirt. "Why, why?"
Ray felt a few tears roll down his face. "I don't know. I don't know." He rubbed her back in small circles. "But we'll get through his... Do you know how bad it is?"
Debra shook her head. "I don't know. I wasn't really listening to the doctor today after she said cancer," she sniffled. "Today, I saw my OB again and another oncologist. I wanted a second opinion. "But...but..." She started to cry again.
Ray held her close and rested his chin on top of her head. "Shh. You don't have to talk, Deb." A few more tears escaped from his eyes. "I just wish you had told me right away."
Debra tilted her head up and looked at Ray. He was crying. The last time she saw him this emotional was when he held the twins in his arms for the first time. She brought a hand to his cheek and brushed a tear off. She didn't know what to say and neither did he.
Debra rested her head into Ray's chest. "I'm so scared, Ray," she whispered.
"So am I," Ray whispered back and leaned down to kiss Debra lightly on the lips.
Ray and Debra heard the sound of feet above them and knew the kids were on their way down to find out what was for dinner. Ray let go of Debra and they tried to compose themselves for their children. Wiping her eyes, Debra pulled at the bottom of her shirt and brushed her hair out of her eyes. Ray also tugged at his shirt and wiped his eyes. They didn't know how they were going to tell the kids, never mind the rest of their family. But this could not stay a secret any longer. Debra knew, the more people she told the more support she would get. And she needed all the support the world could give.