Synopsis: Ray makes friends with a big shot in the sports world named Max Adams and has the time of his life hanging with sports celebrities, until Debra gets involved..
The End
1. Opening Vignette.
Ray Barone and his squishable little friend Andy were in the middle of the highest profile sports convention of the year. Anyone who was anyone in the industry was there. And after years of not being able to get in, Andy's new connections had gotten Ray and Andy passes.
"This is amazing Ray. Did you see Anna Kournikova? Man why don't I look like Enrique Iglesias!" Andy exclaimed.
"Genetics can be cruel my friend." Ray responded.
"Hey it's not cool to make fun of the guy who got you the tickets."
"Okay fine Andy. I think you do have a chance with Anna. In fact we should go over there and you should try and get her number." Ray laughed.
"Point taken." Andy said as he threw his hands up in the air. "Still though how much do you love me, for getting these tickets!"
"I know man this is unreal. I have been trying to get Newsday to get me passes to this convention for years." Ray answered.
"Look over there man. It's Max Adams. That guy is like in the most inner circle of sports. He is best friends with Kobe Bryant and He freakin' dumped Anna Kournikova!" Andy exclaimed.
"I know who Max Adams is, Andy. He arranged one hell of a deal for Shaq last year. The man is my age and like a legend in the business." Ray said looking over to where Max stood.
"Yeah our age and got to be with Anna Kournikova. Meanwhile, I spend my Saturday nights playing video games with your kids." Andy replied.
Just then Max Adams started walking over to where Andy and Ray were standing.
"He is coming this way." Ray said a little awe struck.
"Why is he coming this way?" Andy said shocked.
"Ray Barone, right?" Max said as he approached the two of them. He took Ray's hand and shook it.
Max has dark hair and blue eyes. He was dressed in an Armani suite and had very chiseled features. He looked like he came straight off the cover of GQ magazine.
"Yeah, and you're Max Adams." Ray said shocked that Max knew who Ray was.
"I read the piece you did on the new enthusiasm amongst Yankee Fans. It was the best thing I have ever read. You really got to the core of American baseball." Max said sincerely.
"Thank you so much. That's a big compliment coming from you man. I used to read your stuff when you wrote for The Post, you're a genius." Ray admired.
"Yeah writing is my passion, but being a sports agent is where the money is at." Max laughed.
Just then Andy cleared his throat, silently begging to be introduced.
"Oh Max, this is my friend Andy. He books a local sports show." Ray announced.
"Pleasure to meet you. I am a big fan Mr. Adams. You were with Anna-" Andy said with way to much enthusiasm, shaking his hand excitedly and stuttering over the last bit of his sentence.
"Listen Ray. Tomorrow night a bunch of us sports guys are hanging out at this happening new bar on 4th. It would be cool if you came, it's casual. Just Me, Kobe and some others ya know real sports guys. I would love to talk more about your work." Max interrupted.
"I will be there definitely." Ray answered quickly.
"All right cool. Here is my card, call me and I will give you directions." Max said handing him his card and leaning closer to Ray so only he could hear him. "Leave the little brown haired guy at home."
"Will do." Ray said laughing.
"Nice to meet you, Ray." Max said and began to walk away. He turned around briefly and added. "You too Mandy."
When he was out of hearing distance Andy spoke.
"Did he just call me Mandy?" Andy questioned.
"I think so man." Ray affirmed.
"Ah who cares. We get to hang out with Kobe Bryant tomorrow." Andy happily exclaimed.
"Actually not so much." Ray started. "He kinda said not to bring you."
"Damn it! Why am I always such a doof!" Andy said shaking his fists in frustration.
"I don't know, if you want I wont go either." Ray said trying to stick by his friend.
"No go, one of us should get to go. So do Michael and Geoff have any plans for tomorrow night?" Andy asked disappointed.
"Actually I think they are spending the night at a friends house."
"Even the Seven year olds have plans!" Andy exclaimed. "So you think Deb's gonna let you go?"
"For once that isn't a problem. She is going out with Amy tomorrow and told me to go out and have fun. Thank God for that blasted wedding she's so wrapped up in helping Amy she has loosened the leash a bit." Ray said happily.
"You lucky bastard." Andy said with a shake of his head. "Promise me, you will ask about Anna Kournikova."
"Okay Mr. Living Vicariously." Ray joked as the two made there way down the convention hall.
2. Your Neva There, Neva, Eva, Eva There.
The night at the bar Ray and Max had hit it off famously, and for the last two weeks Max had invited Ray to every event he attended and Ray was getting to hang out with all the people he had previously only written articles about. Ray was having the time of his life. On Tuesday he golfed with Tiger Woods. On Wednesday he had played ball with Shaq and that Saturday he was introduced to the entire Olympic woman's gymnastic team. If he wasn't hanging with the elite of the sports world him and Max were hanging out on their own, talking about the good old days of sports. Ray's head was about to explode from happiness. Debra's head was also about to explode but for entirely different reasons.
"I am home snuggle bird!" Ray called out as he entered the Kitchen and found Debra cleaning off the counter.
"Hi." Debra said as Ray went and kissed her on the cheek.
"Hey Honey you wont believe the day I had today! Max and I went golfing and Tiger Woods was there again and I got to be partners with him." Ray said happily.
"How nice." Debra said with an extreme lack of enthusiasm.
"I don't think you really get it. Debra, this is like going to a crafting event and your partner is Martha Stewart!" Ray smiled.
"No, I understand I am happy for you." Debra said trying to smile.
"Good, I am glad you are cause I was wondering.... Max invited me to go out fishing with him and Kobe Bryant tomorrow. I know you have so much to do helping with the wedding and all, I figured you wouldn't mind." Ray asked.
"Listen Ray. I know this is very cool for you. To get to hang out with these people on a non professional level and all but..." Debra started.
"Ahh no buts, I don't like buts." Ray started.
"But, you really haven't been home much. The kids have even asked where you've been." Debra finished.
"You have been helping with the wedding I thought I was helping by getting out of the way." Ray countered.
"Oh please, Ray. That is bull and you know it. You know full well I could use your help around her with the kids. Wedding or no wedding, you need to be here with your family, damn it. Not off gallivanting with celebrities. I have been trying to be nice since I know how cool this must be for you but you are trying my patience!" Debra said with a raised voice.
"Yeah and we see that little turn of events didn't last. It is just physically impossible for you to be nice to me for long." Ray returned yelling.
"Maybe its because every time I am nice, you say jack ass things like that. Now you listen here Ray. You think I like being mean! Well, you haven't seen anything yet. You are barely ever home, always hanging out with that Max guy. Who always leaves me with bad vibes. Still I let you go, and you think I am mean!" Debra said getting close to Ray's face.
"I didn't mean what I said...." Ray said immediately Relenting.
"For gods sake even Robert sees that you are never home! Just today he was asking why you are never around anymore. You have been forcing him to talk to Frank. That is just not right. " Debra continued on a rampage.
"I understand Debra but it's just that we are going with Kobe Bryant! Fishing with a basketball star!" Ray tried to explain.
"The thing is Ray is you aren't going fishing tomorrow cause you have to take the kids shoe shopping. I am far too busy with wedding plans and you are gonna help me out from now on. And I am thinking this is gonna make it so you don't have so much time to hang out with your new friend..." Debra steamed.
"But Debra..." Ray whined in an almost child like voice.
"No Ray. I have kept quiet long enough. I don't like the vibes I get from that guy Max anyway. For gods sake he dated a woman half his age. You don't need to be hanging out with him." Debra said firmly.
"Listen Debra fine I wont go tomorrow. But Max is a good guy. You'll see, I will invite him over and show you he is a good guy. I promise." Ray said hoping to salvage his chances of at least being able to hang out with Max again.
"I don't know, Ray." Debra started.
"Come on Deb, Plus this way I will be home just like you want. What do you say?" Ray asked hopefully.
"Okay fine. He can come over." Debra said relenting.
"Good he is gonna dazzle you, I promise. No more bad vibes." Ray said.
"Oh goodie. Give me a moment, I am just mentally preparing myself to be dazzled." Debra responded sarcastically.
"Oh haha." Ray said lamely as he left the room.
After Ray had left the kitchen Debra muttered, "I swear it is like I am a single Mom with 4 kids."
"I heard that." Ray called out from the living room.
"Good. I said it loud." Debra responded quickly.
3. A Bit of the Grab Ass.
Debra was washing the dishes that the family plus Max had just used for lunch when her mind began to wander. So far Ray was right, this Max guy was great. He had spent all morning and afternoon at the house just hanging out. The kids adored him. He was nice and unbelievably charming. He was like Johnny on the spot. She cleared her throat he had a lozenge, Ray's eye was bugging him, Max had the eyedrops. He was like some kind of God. So why did she still have this slight uneasy feeling around him?
"Can I help you out there?" Max said as he walked into the kitchen.
"No, I am okay. Why aren't you with Ray?" Debra asked casually.
"The twins broke the computer and he is trying to fix it. I wasn't being any help to him, so I decided to come up here and see if I could help you. After all you invited me into your home, the least I could do is help out." Max responded.
"Are you sure you are one of Ray's friends?" Debra said with a smile as she turned around to face Max.
"Ray is a great guy, lazy, sure, but a great guy." Max said chuckling.
"You are talking to his wife here. I know being lazy is Ray's whole milieu." Debra joked.
"You know you are a really wonderful woman. I know it must be hard with Ray gone so much and now here I come taking him away from home even more." Max said seriously.
"That is very sweet of you. I will admit I had my problems with Ray being gone so much lately but I think you might actually end up being a great influence on my husband." Debra replied sincerely.
"Thanks. I am glad we talked about this. I would like to be friends with you too. You are one hell of a lady, I didn't want you to hate me." Max smiled.
"I am glad we talked about this too. It made me feel a lot better, and I never hated you. You seem like a great guy." Debra responded.
"So we're Friends?" Max asked hopefully.
"Friends." Debra said with a nod of her head.
Max reached out his arms to give Debra a hug to seal the deal. With a slight apprehension Debra reached her arms out to give him what she thought would be a friendly hug. After their bodies made contact Debra felt Max's hands resting and then firmly grabbing dangerously below her back. She immediately shoved him off of her.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Debra yelled.
"What?" Max asked sheepishly.
"You know what!" Debra said still in a rage.
"I was just giving you what I thought you wanted lady. I learned that in the sports biz gotta give the people what they want." Max said slimily.
Just then Ray walked into the kitchen oblivious to the mounting tension.
"What the twins just don't seem to understand is that just because a cracker fits in the disk drive, it doesn't mean it needs to go there!" Ray said holding his head in frustration.
"Ray can I speak to you alone please, now." Debra said with a strained voice.
"But Deb we have company." Ray said motioning with his eyes to Max.
"I don't care." Debra said firmly as she walked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs making it perfectly clear Ray was to follow her.
"Sorry about that man. I need to go deal with this. First the saltine twins and now the wife, ugh does the fun ever start." Ray said sadly.
"It's okay I should be going anyway." Max said, wanting to leave this situation as soon as possible.
"Listen, wait till I get done with this, It wont take long and I still need to give you those tapes." Ray said.
"Okay." Max answered.
Ray left the kitchen quickly and after he had disappeared up the stairs Max decided to get his coat and get the hell out of dodge. Max walked into the living room and was stopped by the human wall of Michael and Geoffrey standing shoulder to shoulder looking up at Max expectantly.
"You promised us after lunch you would tell us how you became friends with Kobe Bryant." Geoffrey said sweetly.
"And it's after lunch." Michael said more firmly.
The twins each took one of Max's hands and pulled him on to the couch leaving him no choice in the matter.
"Okay fine. See it all started while I was with this magnificently sculpted hook-, um lady friend, and we were at this club where Kobe hangs out..." Max started trying to speak as quickly as possible.
4. Super Ray.
"You want to tell me why you were so rude downstairs?" Ray said frustrated as he made his way inside their bedroom.
"Rude? RUDE! You think that was rude!" Debra said her eyes practically twitching in anger.
After noticing the look on Debra's face, Ray quickly changed tactics.
"Okay just calm down. What did I do?" Ray asked sincerely.
"You new best friend Max, is a giant pervert!" Debra screamed.
"What? What are you talking about?" Ray asked confused.
"Max did something completely inappropriate," she seethed.
"Are you sure?" Ray said still not really following.
"Your friend tried to be nice to me. He said he didn't want me to hate him that he wanted to be friends, and then he went to give me a hug, and believe me Ray it felt very inappropriate." Debra explained.
"Are you sure you didn't just misunderstand? How much can you get from a feeling?" Ray reasoned.
"No Ray, I don't think you understand! I felt it on my thigh! While simultaneously feeling his hands on my ass!" Debra said as bluntly as possible trying to get threw to her husband.
"Wait, THAT BASTARD TOUCHED YOU!" Ray said in a tone so scary even Debra had never heard it before.
"Yes, that is what I have been trying to say." Debra said in a calmer tone trying to balance out Ray's angry one.
"That son of a-" Ray started as he left the room and practically darted out of the room heading towards the living room.
"Ray, wait what are you gonna do?" Debra called out following him down the hall.
Ray made his way down to the bottom of the stairs and into the living room. He was just in time to see Max all by himself heading towards the door.
"Stay right there!" Ray yelled.
"Listen Man, It was all just a big misunderstanding." Max started.
Ray stepped over to where Max was as Debra made her way to the bottom of the steps.
"Oh it was just a misunderstanding, I see." Ray said in an eerily calm voice.
"Yeah man, just a simple miscommunication." Max smiled thinking he may have gotten himself out of this.
"Well, misunderstand this." Ray said firmly and with one fluid motion he extended his arm back and punched Max directly in the face. Max was not expecting it and that coupled with the force of the blow sent him toppling to the ground.
"Oh my God!" Debra said shocked.
"Get up and get the hell out of my house, And if you even think about my wife ever again, I will find out and I will hunt you down and I will kill you." Ray said seriously.
"Okay man, calm down. (he paused) Hey what about those tapes?" Max said getting up and rubbing the side of his face.
"GET OUT!" Ray screamed. Without another word Max left.
"I have never seen you like that!" Debra said as she walked over to Ray.
"Well, I was -" Ray started to explain thinking Debra might be mad at him.
"I like it!" Debra finished with an impish grin.
"I cant believe I did that. All those years fighting with Robert finally paid off! Did you see him fall on the ground. I am the man! My heart is beating a mile a minute." Ray said speaking quickly. He was still on a bit of an adrenaline rush.
"How about we keep it that way." Debra said seductively placing her hand on Ray's heart.
"Are you saying after all that, I'm gonna get to-" Ray started excitedly.
"Shh. Don't ruin it cause the 'I am the man' comment almost blew your chance." Debra whispered.
She then placed a finger over his mouth. Then she replaced her finger with her lips and gave Ray a soft kiss before taking his hand and leading him upstairs.
5. Fabio he is not.
Ray and Debra laid in their bed cuddled close together. Debra's head resting on Ray's chest basking in the afterglow. After a few minutes Ray broke the comfortable silence.
"I want to let you know that I am sorry." Ray said quietly.
Debra shifted so she was on her own pillow and looked at Ray.
"An apology without me forcing it out of you. This might be a Barone family first." Debra laughed.
"I am serious. I should have seen threw that guy. He shouldn't have been in the house. It's just he was friends with everyone I wanted to know, he seemed so..." Ray trailed off.
"It's okay I forgive you. It was a learning experience for me." Debra said sweetly.
"What did you learn?" Ray asked curiously.
"Well, one is that my husband can throw a mean left hook." Debra joked.
"And?" Ray chuckled.
"That when necessary you will be gallant enough to sweep in to defend my honor against the strongest of obstacles. It is quite the turn on." Debra said dreamily like she was spouting off lines from a romance novel.
"What the hell? You lost me somewhere around gallant." Ray chuckled with a confused look on his face.
"Ya know for a second I almost forgot who I was talking too. In small words, so you will understand, you will kick some butt for me, idiot." Debra replied sarcastically.
"Oh I love it when you call me an idiot!" Ray said as he rolled over so he was on top of Debra.
"It is quite the turn on." He finished mockingly. They both giggled as he dipped his head down to kiss her.
6. Closing Vignette AKA Anna Kournikova is better then that.
"Wow man, I cannot believe that Max Adam's made a pass at Debra!" Andy exclaimed sitting across the table at Marco's from Ray and Gianni.
"What I can't believe is that you punched the guy out. You sure this isn't some figment of your wimpy imagination?" Gianni asked sarcastically.
"No, I am serious man. I kicked ass! The bruise on his fat face doesn't lie." Ray shook his head happily.
"It is true man. I saw the guy. He was booked on the show and had to back out cause his face looked like...... Well, like someone hit it." Andy concluded lamely.
"I'm so happy my little boy is finally a man!" Gianni laughed patting Ray on the back. "You protected your woman."
"Word for word that is what my Dad said to me, Gianni." Ray exclaimed. "It was crazy. I have never felt so angry in my life. I mean you don't do that, you don't touch my WI-"
"Ya know I bet those rumors that he broke up with Anna are probably made up." Andy cut in.
"Why do ya think that?" Gianni asked.
"Cause Anna would never be with a schmuck like that. She is way too classy." Andy said dreamily.
"Andy, we all think she is hot but dude you need to get over this. Anna Kournikova is so massively out of your league you two aren't even playing the same game." Gianni firmly stated.
"It's true man, your thing with her has gotten a bit weird. You still realize she doesn't even know who you are, right?" Ray asked.
"I know she doesn't know who I am. I am not crazy.... It's just I know that Anna is better then that guy man. She is better then that!" Andy said passionately.
"Calling all stalkers, calling all stalkers. I have found your newest member." Gianni said in his best loud speaker voice.
"Every time I hang out with you two it becomes abundantly clear why you two spend your weekends playing Grand Theft Auto with my twins." Ray laughed.
"Don't mock that game, it's hard-core!" Andy defended.
"And please don't lump me in the same category as Andy." Gianni asserted.