PSYCHO BABBLE
Wednesday 090998,0338pmHST

Ah this color...so maxi-pad/tampon -ISH.

I wrote this while (once again) puttering at the newspaper office:

Ooo. the yummy gay boy said HI to me while I was walking to the office. I don't believe he actuallly remembered my name?! How giddy am I?
Once again nothing to do at the paper. Clark, fellow newbie, and I were discussing how wer were supposed to be getting paid. Measley peanuts is what I said before....but do I really know. No....the question is DO I REALLY CARE? The answer?.....I should.

Haydee emailed me today and I replied:

Subject: Re: aloha NY lover!
Sent: 9/9/98 12:11 PM
Received: 9/9/98 3:16 PM
From: Sunshine Paculok, [email protected]
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
 
Oh Haydee Haydee,
 
You've been in NY all but 3 weeks? What kind of lepper are you that you
haven't made friends yet?!!! Hehe, just kidding.
 
Like I told you before its going to be rough for at least the first few
months. I try to put myself in your shoes and wonder how I would be
feeling. I bet I would be feeling the exact same loathing and
homesickness you do now. In fact when I make the move there in 2000 I
know it will be the same. I rant and rant about how great it is to be in
NYC but when you have been in Hawaii as long as we have it hard to chop
off the dangling rope that ties us to our friends and family and the
routine of daily island life. Back in 1996 I was ready to jump on the
first plane to JFK. My grades were all set, I was already accepted to a
school there and my cousins were welcoming me with open arms. But as the
day moved closer and closer to actually doing it. I got nervous and
frightened. And when a guy came along who gave good sex and fell in
love with me(hehe, I'm kidding...about the sex part...or am I) I gave
every excuse to MYSELF that I really shouldn't go.
 
But look at me now. I regret not going. I mean I love Jon, but was it
worth the sarcrifice of getting to know myself as an individual and
furthuring my mind emotionally and intellectually? This is why I envy
you. You're in a situation I would love to be. I've been back to NY
twice since my decision to stay here and regret it. I should have jumped
on that plane and would be proud of myself, just as I am proud of you.
 
You're lonely now and that's to be expected. You're in this huge city and
tons of expectations set on your shoulders. But it gets easier. I know
YOU knew of what was to be expected of you. That was the reason why you
went. To make YOURSELF a better person. And what better place to do it
but NYC? I mean look at all the other graduates from Waipahu High?
Probably pregnant with kids working at Jack In the Box. In some sleazy
job maybe? Still working on their bachelors (such as myself!). Your 4000
miles plus away from all these losers making a name for yourself. At the
reunion you can say "FUCK YOU BITCHES IM A BIG SHOT LAWYER THAT GRADUATED
FROM AN NYC SCHOOL AND YOU CAN JUST EVNY ME AND....SUCK IT!!!"
 
Hehe.
 
Don't get strayed from the life there just because you're lonely. Read
that poem you read and you'll eventually realize that you're better off
there than you are here.
 
When I get there in 2000 and I see you in Times Square the men drooling
all over you I'll say, "Hi Haydee remember me"?
 
You'll say, "um who the hell are you? Get away you imbecil tourist"
 
When I make the move....finally(crossing my fingers for 2000)...I'll be
lonely, sad, longing for some familiarity of home. But I will be looking
to you to set me straight and encourage me because you'll be a regular NYC
Bitch by that time!
 
Besides, if and when Sharon moves there you'll have a familiar face to
look at and didn't you say Gwen wanted to transfer there too? Sharon will
introduce you to my Ate Genie who wants the whole fricken creation to move
to NYC. She'll be a boost.
 
We're all rooting for you Haydee. And hope and pray I join you there
soon.
 
Ok ok...nuff of all that cheering up shit...I'm sitting here at KaLeo with
nothing to do again. I think for Xmas I'll get you and Sharon a pair of
tickets to go see RAGTIME. That show is so damn awesome. Argh! I wish I
was there with you Haydee!! But I have no money, my GPA is hopeless, and
well....I'm just so indecisive about things! I'm never going to
graduate!!!! AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
 
Why don't you throw those unwashed NY shoes of yours at me like Mulan did
and knock me into some kind of consciousness. What the hell am I doing
with my life?
 
Things to do in NY with no money and friends:
- walk around the city getting to know every crevis and gloat to Sunshine
about it
- take a subway to MOMA then gloat to Sunshine about it
- go do the RENT lottery see it first row center and gloat to Sunshine AND
Marisa about it
- go sell yourself as a prostitute on 42nd street for lots of money and
DON'T gloat to anyone about it
- Go to the food/fest swapmeet on 6th street every Sunday and gloat to
Sunshine about it
- Have sex with a Hawaiian guy in NYC who is soo Fione and gloat to MARISA
abou it
- Go eat at the Dunkin Donuts that Madonna worked at (somewhere in the
EAST VILLAGE) and gloat to Rhowell about it
- Walk the Brooklyn Bridge and ignore those God Damn Jehovahs Witnesses
and gloat to Sunshine about it
- Shove a pool cue up the bartenders nose that refused you a beer because
of your ID and beat him up Jackie Chan style
 
(more to come eventually)
 
BTW, did you get my last letter Subject: Sex sex and more sex? Seriously
I think it didn't get to you. Damn internet service!
 
Write back you big bootie HO.
 
Love,
Sunshine


Flashback. Made a tape for the white ranger. Contents? Queensryche, Megadeth, Slayer, Death, (before the sell-out) Metallica, & Sepultura. Oldies but goodies. I sang....no, more like screamed along during the rush hour freeway constipation. Only to see the lot full sign on campus so I had to shell out three extra bucks for tow-protection behind the burger place.

I know I don't make sense......just fuck off will ya?

Why do women wear shoulder pads? Like Professor Burk. Padded bras are understandable but padded shoulders (for women)?

WTF?

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