Monday 8.3.98 0920pHST
One thing I forgot to mention in the NY 7.3.98 update was that the boy and I went to the famous "Seinfeld" restuaraunt on Broadway and 112th. Here is little me doing some kind of psychotic dance on the corner.
My sister came home on Friday. I had no idea she was coming on that day. Its good to have her back. She is a great push for me for my lifetime decisions...which is rather odd since she is younger than I. I love her to death.
I'm thinking of changing PSYCHO-BABBLE's name to BLACK & WHITE. Um...maybe not....sounds kinda....lame.
So a friend of mine had her graduation party last Saturday and I didn't even know it! She is leaving for NYC to go to law school. Agh. Here I am struggling to get a BA.
I'm never going to graduate. I went to the campus this afternoon to pay my tuition. I loathed all the people around me. The sis and I called them the "UH-ers", and poked fun at them......which is once again ironic since I am a "UH-er". I feel like shit today. I don't want to be a "UH-er".
It was hot today. I have no A/C.
I was thinking today about my X. I wonder how he's doing. I miss his talks about me being better that what I have accomplished. But you know what. It was all talk from him. He also called me a "loser". WTF does he know. It was a bad time in my life I think. He frightens me.
I thought about the boy and I's relationship. I love him. It will be hard to leave him if he doesn't come with me to NY. Our relationship is the most perfect thing that I've accomplished in my lifetime. Is it worth losing him to find myself? What happens if I don't find myself? Will I lose the best thing that has ever happened to me because of my futile search?
Money makes the world go round.
NY 7.4.98 -- We checked out of the hotel. We went to my OTHER cousin's apartment which was 3 blocks away. She's the director of Human Services at Jamaica Hospital. She is my hero. She has a life I would love to lead. But we're not very close. She was out of town for the holiday weekend and I asked if the boy and I could stay in her apartment for a night. I feel uneasy asking her for things. Especially since the summer of '95 and the X. Sometimes I think he's the reason my OTHER cousin and I aren't that close.
We made reservations
at CAROLINES. And I would rather have not have gone if I knew the main act
was going to suck. We missed the fireworks because I didn't know the showtime
would coincide with the Macy's fireworks. The boy was rather upset with
me. He really wanted to see the fireworks.
Me -- "I'm so sorry baby".
The Boy, sarcastically -- "At least I saw it on television!".
I felt really bad. We went to see the movie ARMAGEDON after walking around TIMES SQUARE. The boy liked the movie a lot, although it didn't make up for missing the fireworks.
That was our day pretty much.
*****
The last picture is of the neeto trinkets on the top of my OTHER cousin's television. I found out earlier that she pays only 500 dollars for her MIDTOWN apartment. Belive me when I say, THAT IS SOO FUCKING CHEAP!!! My cousin told me the lady that lives across from her is planning to buy a house and maybe she could pull strings for me to sublet the apartment. Do you know for how much?
400 A MONTH......
FUCK ME!!!
I'm crossing my fingers.
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