Paddy Chew is the first Singaporean to come out as a person with AIDS. He is now acting in a solo play with The Necessary Stage. Sintercom talks to Paddy about life, death and sex.

When were you born? My god, we have to go all the way back when I was so beautiful. Well, I was born in 1960, March 29. Where was I born? It was quite glamourous, I was born by the beach. Katong Beach. My parents went there for a picnic and my mother gave birth to me there. I like the story, whether it is true or not because it is so romantic lah... maybe I wasn't born there, maybe I was conceived there. I have three sisters and I'm the youngest. Being the youngest, you tend to be a bit more willful than you should. Maybe that accounts for why I'm so spoilt. To my mom I was a jewel, to carry on the family tradition and all that. So everything I asked for had to be granted. And I loved every minute of it. I went to St Stephens' Primary, and than to St Patricks' Secondary. They were very good schools. I think I learnt a lot and I've always liked the idea that I was from a Christian brother school. After that I did my A levels, which was not very good, because I didn't want to go to university. I was tired of studying. I wanted to see the world. So I became a flight steward. I joined Singapore Airlines for a good thirteen years. My very first job, and I stayed thirteen years. After that, I wanted to do something very close to my heart -- entertainment. I left SIA in 1993 and joined the Boom Boom Room. I help formulate and organized the shows. We never realized Boom Boom Room was going to be so so famous and so successful. To have left something I love, flying and did some other thing that I love and both were successes, I was very happy than. And than I was diagnosed with AIDS in 1995 and that was not a great achievement. So I had to leave because I couldn't function properly. And now I'm doing this play. I left because of of my health, I felt that I couldn't really contribute. I didn't want to jeorpadize the people working in Boom Boom Room if people were to find out that I was HIV-positive. Boom Boom Room is famous for what, for drag shows and all these things. Not very moralistic, to some people's eyes. If I were to stayed on, people will say, yah lah, these type of people lah, who lived a life like that, and everybody around me would be included. I didn't want that to happen to them. I don't think that was very fair. So I thought, yes, I must leave and give them a chance to move on.

They didn't want me to leave. But if you work for a salary and you cannot contribute, as a person you should be more responsible, and not hold to it because people are being kind. I should not take advantage of people like that. If I can't do the job, than I should move along and let them find someone who can. This is not just for me, this is for Kumar for all the rest of the people in the show. Yes, I do miss BBR. No regrets, but I do miss the idea of creating new shows, and constumes, that kind of wonderful like, the music, making people happy, making people laugh, and I liked that. No, I won't go back. I always believe that we you leave something, you leave it. No half way comeback half way go. When you decide to leave, leave. Don't turn back. Look forward. Did you practise safe sex and use a condom every time? Oh I never used a condom before. I didn't know anything about AIDS or HIV. When I started to hear about it and practising safe sex, it might have been too late. So like that lah, what to do? You hope that it not too late, but I suspected that it was. I started using condom in the eighties, 86, 87. I traveled to Europe and America a lot than, and I didn't use condom than. I was very sick in 1995. I went to the hospital and they couldn't tell what was wrong. The doctors made me go through so many tests, my lung, my heart, X-ray, everything. At the end, I told me, do a HIV test. They were rather reluctant, which surprised me. So I said, I will sign whatever paper you want me to sign, but you must do a HIV test because I think that is what I think I've got. So they did the test, it came back, and I was positive. I suspected that at the back of my head because when the doctors could not find out what was wrong with me, it must have been something very serious.

Why were the doctors reluctant? Because a lot of doctors in Singapore do not want to handle the issues about AIDS. They still feel icky about it. In Singapore you cannot do a HIV test withtout the consent of the person. But I can be very pushy when I want something done. When I first saw the doctor, she was a young doctor, and she didn't even know that I had Thrush, I had to tell here it was Thrush. When you immune system is attacked, you can get these white particles that grow out of your tongue. I saw all these white particles and told her it is Thrush, the first tell tale sign that you immune system is under attack. And it surprised me because she was in the emergency ward when I went in and she just looked at my tongue, and look and look and look. The Thrush was like shouting at her but she didn't know. I had to tell her. I was a good 63kg when I was diagnosed. But a year later when I travelled all the way to Europe for treatment, I was 35kg, all bones and nothing left. Singapore did not have the cocktail at that time. It was rather frightful. When I left for Europe, I didn't know if I was going to come back or not. I didn't know what was in store for me. And you know, I went all the way to Brussel. I didn't speak French, they didn't speak English. I went through it all by myself. I packed a tiny bag and went to the airport. No one said goodbye, no one sent me, I just left. My sisters were away, they live in Austalia. I didn't want to bother them, my problems shouldn't distract their lives. My parents passed away. Actually I was kinda of glad my mother had passed away in 1993. I would rather kill myself than tell her I was HIV positive. I didn't want to torture her. I was spoilt. I rather die than to tell her. If she had been alive, I probably would never have come out. I would probably pack my bags and migrate to Europe. I adored my mother. I don't want anything to harm her or upset her. Now my weight is 49kg and I'm trying to maintain it at 49kg.

Do you think of death? I think of death all the time. Every morning I get up I think I'm going to die. Cannot breathe, cannot eat. Today I fainted in Serangoo road. I mean how much more unglamourous can you be? This India women doing her marketing was screaming and than this Chinese boy in Crocodile shirt was there on the floor. I haven't been on medication for more than a year and that has taken its toll on my health. It is really my own fault. That's why I made a promise to the doctors, immediately after the play, I shall go on the medication and give my health 100% attention. I hope it is not too late lah. This seems to be an old song for me, ìI hope it is not too lateî! When I take the medication, I can't function. I want to do the play, I want to do the candle light memorial. You know sometimes you body needs a rest? When I went to Europe, they pumped so much drugs in me, there were days when I got up and and didn't know if I was turning left or turning right, if I was awake or asleep. I thought, enough is enough. I want to give my body a chance to naturall heal itself. And when I really need medication, than I shall take it, not have it pumped into me year in and year out. Your body can't repair itself, and it becomes weaker than what it is supposed to be. Sometimes I feel that this cocktail is actually the cause of death. Some of the patients take the medicine until they can cry you know! So I question lah. You know what doctors are like in Singapore. I'm the doctor you're the patient; I tell you something you have to do. I think it is ricidulous. You're dealing with people's lives here. I will not allow the doctors to tell me. I will decide if it is good for me and we will move on from there. Most patients have to learn that. A lot of them are very frightful of doctors. Doctors say take, take; doctors say buy, buy. I don't believe in that. In American, research has shown a lot of patients have been told to take medication when they don't need it. They haven't reached the stage where they really need it. Taking medication when it is not essential can be more damaging than the disease itself. We must empower ourselves with knowledge, and question when in doubt. Eventually, you're the one paying for the medication, you're the one paying for the suffering, not the doctors. So you must be a bit more daring and question things that are not right.

How old do you think you will live to be? I don't know lah....[long pause] I really don't know. With proper medication, and if I'm not stubborn and give up smoking and drinking, I might last longer. But I'm very stubborn. Does it frighten you? Sometimes, sometimes it does. But life is so strange. Even it might seem inevitable to people that I will die from this disease, for all you know I may not. For all you know I might get knocked down by a bus, or be involve in a car crash, heavens know, life is like that. How did you feel when you were diagnosed? For some people it might be very traumatic. For me it was a relief. Because now I know what the problem is and I can take charge. Before I didn't know. I went round wondering if it was cancer, or heart attack, you know, and I just lost control. I hate it when I lose control. I want to know where I am, and when I found out I was HIV+, I knew where I want to go, what to do, and foundout where I can seek profession help. When you didn't know, that was the most scary thing of all. I hate that.

With all this fame, or infamy, when all the media are paying so much attention to you, how do you deal? I think it is more infamy. Who in their right mind wants to be famous for having AIDS? I don't mind being famous for winning the Miss Universe crown, or as a singer, or a beautiful face, you know? Who wants to be famous for having AIDS? For goodness sake! I have actually been accused of trying to attain fame by telling people I have AIDS. Irritating, right? Media attention had been quite a frenzy. I was shock. I guess mainly because I am Singaporean, and Singaporeans don't do things like that. Here, you can't really get the help you need, and for someone to come out in public and say "look at me, I'm HIV+" They say: "Ha? Hello? Is he insane or what?" So like that lor. What words do you want to leave behind? I hope there'll be some real changes, than my death will be worth it. I want to see laws against discrimination. But changes like this take a long time. It has to be years of struggle, years of proving your point to people in authority. If my death can have an impact on that, so be it.

Thanks for letting us do this interview. I have tried to bring out Paddy Chew the person, rather than Paddy Chew the AIDS patient; so that people who read this will care because it is a person talking, not just a face with HIV printed on the forehead. I hope I have in some small way succeeded. Paddy will appear in a solo play, "Completely With/Out Character", from 11-17 May 8pm at the Drama Center. You can call SISTIC 348 5555 to book your tickets. Please note that the performance is not recommended for audiences 14 yrs and under. There is also a charity openning night on 10 May, call 295 1153 for tickets ($45, $65, $85).