It�s been a year now, a whole damn year. I can still fell the pain of that night. The way their eyes were filled with fear and hate. Fear and hate of what they couldn�t understand, wouldn�t understand. They didn�t even know the whole story. If they did, he would still be here, in my arms, talking to me and holding me. The pain keeps eating at my insides, creating a hole, a hole inside my heart that can never close, it doesn�t know how. So here I am, standing on the railing of the Brooklyn Bridge, staring down at the East River. Oh how he loved this place. I remember the times we stood in this very spot, just talking, laughing, enjoying the simplicities of our lives. I remember his rough, ink-stained hand always rubbing against my own. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn�t it have been me? I was the reason he died, I just know it. I tried to go on, tried to forget him, but I can�t, no won�t go on. I�m looking around at this vast oblivion, staring into the darkness, which keeps my heart forever locked in its cage. Oh how I despise them, all of them. I can never forget what they did, the memory of that night haunts me like the spirits of the underworld. I remember everything of that night, their words, their fear, my pain, my pain�

The young newsie sat on the drab steps, taking in the surrounding world. Looking at the men and women of Lower Manhattan, walking around like they own the world. �If only I could own da woild.� He thought, picking up the stack of newspapers, which lay at his small feet. He called out a few headlines, making his way through town. He must have blended in so well with the dirt and grim that coated the streets of New York, for he barely got any more recognition than that. �Damn �em, dey ain� woith it.� He said bitterly to himself. He sold this way for most of the morning, silently cursing the gentlemen who ignored him, and thanking the ladies who would give him a few extra cents. �Now I�se kin go buy some lunch.� He thought, as he enthusiastically pocketed his day�s earnings and headed to a small restaurant by the name of Tibby�s. He smiled as he saw his friends, sitting at the table, eating their food, and joking around. Then he heard a voice, the only voice that could take him out of his deepest and saddest moments, drift up from the group of boys before him.

�Heya Jordy!� A small Italian boy said, upon noticing the other�s presence. ��ow ya doin�?� He asked with a wry smile, which held a certain knowing to it. Jordy knew what that meant; they had been together the night before. He smiled back before answering, taking in the beauty of the young newsie.

�Heya Race,� Jordy replied, giving him a sidelong glance. He loved this boy with all his heart, no matter what anyone else thought. Racetrack Higgins, the one and only who could twist Jordy stomach in a thousand knots, after pouring hundreds of butterflies down his throat. They had been lovers for almost a year now, getting together only a month after Jordy had arrived at the Lodging house. ��e�s so beautiful, I wish we didn� �ave ta �ide da fact we�se seein� each uddah.� Jordy thought, sauntering over to the group of boys. Race hated keeping things from his friends, but he knew if he told them about him and Jordy, they wouldn�t understand. Jordy on the other hand, knew if they had explained the entire situation to the other boys, they would have to understand. �We can� tell �em, not yet, it ain� safe ta reveal yerself. Trus� me, I won� let nuttin� �appen ta ya.� Race had said one night, after Jordy had confessed his want to scream his love for the other boy. Jordy listened and silently cursed himself for keeping one too many things from the boys. Race was the only one who knew everything if anything about the younger newsie.

�Hey Jordy?� A young man with a patch over his eye inquired, �Did ya get any las� night from ya goil?� Jordy just rolled his eyes at the large boy.

�Yeah, Jordan, didja?� Race teased, sending him a knowing smile.

�Yeah, Blink, I got some las� night.� Jordan smiled, looking back at Race. Those boys would believe anything Race told them. One day, a few weeks after they had become lovers, one of the other newsies, Skittery, had gotten suspicious. When Race and Jordy were confronted, Race came up with this girl named Sylvia, said he saw Jordan talking to her, and that she wasn�t just talking back. And when they asked why Jordy never brought her around, and he flustered up, Race jumped in and said, �She�s one a dem hoity-toity types, ya know? Da one�s who give it �way e�s�ly, den when ya wan� �em ta meet yer friends, dey always toin ya down. Ya know, cuz we jus� street rats.� All of the newsies sighed and knew what that was like. Yet again, Race saved the day. He was always thinking of Jordy first, and always wanted to protect him. Racetrack, upon getting his name, had always sold at the tracks. Jordan had asked to go one time, and Race had simply told him, �Too S�picious, Jord, dey�s gonna know.�

When Race had first found out that Jordan was different he could have run straight to Jack and got Jordy kicked out of the lodging house, but instead didn�t. Race had told him it was okay, and he would be there for Jordy. Jordan was happy, he had finally found someone to confide in, someone who could share their pain with him. They began to grow closer and when Jordan had least expected it, Race kissed him. They had been together ever since, hiding their relationship from the others.

�So �ow�s yer goil? Should I�se be jealous?� Race asked as they walked back to the lodging house. Jordy smiled, and a smug look overtook his face.

�A�coise ya should, she betta in bed den you�se is!� He snorted. Race just laughed, getting a childish look on his face.

�Ya can� tell me dat she�s cuttah den dis!� He exclaimed, pointing to his boy-ish face. Jordy smiled, and was about to say something else when he remembered he had to stop by Irving Hall. Medda, the owner, was his aunt, and also knew his secret. When he was a kid, his parents had died in a fire, Medda took him in. Being only a vaudeville star, and having to support her business and pay her employees, she couldn�t afford to take care of Jordy. She decided it would be better for him to go to the lodging house, and become a newsie, so he could make somewhat of a living. �Just hide who you are, darling. They�ll have to take you in then.� She had told him when shooing him out the door. Jordan always held a grudge against her for making him do that, he felt she just didn�t want to take care of him. He had gone three months without talking to her, and when she had begged him for his forgiveness, he sighed and slowly opened back his heart to her.

He looked over at Race and sighed. �I �ate �avin� ta leave Race, but I did promise Medda I�d come an� tawk wit �er.�

�Race, I�se fergot I�se gotta go tawk wit Medda.� He said, studying Race�s quickly fading smile. �She promist ta �elp me wit sumptin.� Race�s smile returned and he kissed him slightly on the lips.

�Uh, um, I�se gotta go.� Race looked disappointed, but smiled again waving to his retreating lover.

Snitch was walking up to the Lodging house, when he saw Race and Jordy talking about something. He was about to scream hi, when the two boys exchanged a quick kiss, and he saw Jordy, quite confused, quickly and uncomfortably walk away. �Wha� da �ell? Race is a fag? �e jus� kist Jordy! No way! Da oddah boy�s are gonna wanna know bout dis!� The young boy thought, waiting for Race to go into the building. He then ran up the stairs to the bunkroom, making such a racket that the other boys had no choice but to look at him.

�Hey! Listen up!� He screamed, glaring dangerously at Race. �It seems we got ouahselves a fag in da �ouse!� Everyone instantly started to whisper, and say �ain� me,� and �no way!� Race sat there, returning the deadly glare back to Snitch. Jack stepped up and took hold of Snitch�s shoulders.

�Wha� ya tawkin� bout? Who�s a fag?� Jack asked, calmly at first, but started to grow furious towards the end of his sentence. ��ow does �e know? Damnit, if only dey knew da �ole sit�ation. I�se ain� gonna tell �em nuttin�, no mattah wha� da outcome.� Race thought bitterly, still glaring at Snitch.

Snitch, not removing his venomous stare from Race, said through gritted teeth, �Race! I saw �em kissin� Jordy couple minutes �go!� He was now pointing at Race, who stood and tried to deny it. Jack�s face turned from confusion to hate as he turned toward his former best friend.

�Is dis true, Race?� Race, usually smart mouthed and quick witted, just meekly nodded. �WHA�! GET OUT! YOU�SE DISGUSTIN�!� Jack shouted, his eyes nearly bulging out of his sockets. �I bet Jordy�s jus� like ya! �e�s prally woise den you! Is �e da one dat gotcha ta tink you�se a fag?� Race�s usually bright and happy eyes were now clouded over with anger. He glared at Jack before answering.

�Jordy ain� a fag. Jordy�s jus� as noahmal as you! I�se da one dat kist Jordy!� Race was screaming, resisting the urge to soak Jack. He knew when Jordy got back, he would talk with them, and then everything would be okay. He just had to wait for Jordy.

Jordy was walking up the steps to the lodging house, contemplating his earlier conversation with Medda.

�I�se don� tink I should tell �em, Auntie. Dey ain� gonna undahstand, they�ll kick me outta da house.� He said, tossing himself on her over-sized bed.

�Don�t vorry dear, they vill undahstand. I know my newsies, and they undahstand everything.� She said, gently taking his small hand in her own. She smiled at him, �You look just like your mother. She vas a beautiful voman.�

�Too bad I ain�,� Jordy had retorted, absently messing with the small ring that hung from his neck on a worn string. He had had that ring for over four years now; it was his mother�s. After the fire, a policeman had given it to him, telling him it was all they could recover. Jordy always kept it around his neck, never once taking it off. It was all he had left.

He was thrown from his trance when he heard loud screams, coming from inside. He ran into the building thinking someone was fighting. �Fin�ly, I�se ain� gonna miss a fight!� Jordan was surprised when he saw a herd of boys, lead by Jack Kelly, punching and yelling at Race. Shocked, he stood there until Race turned and saw him, screaming at him to run. Then he started to head for the stairs, anger and guilt building in him. �Wha� da �ell da dey tink dey�s doin�? Race, wha� didja do?� He thought helplessly, walking calmly to the stairs. When Race turned, prepared to yell something again, one of his attackers pushed him harder than they had intended to. Race flew down the stairs, arms flailing to grab on to something, anything. Crunch! A loud cracking of bone could be heard as he hit the floor.

�RACE!� Jordan screamed, voice above blood curdling. Running over to him, he glanced up at the boys, shocked and scared. Gently taking Race�s head in his hands, he started crying, �Race, god Race. No, no, no, no�� he gently rocked Race�s body back and forth, letting the blood that flowed from his cracked skull, soak freely into his ragged pants. Race�s eyes opened, and looked at his comforter�s.

�I�se okay. Jus� a li�l flesh wound.� He smiled, trying to cover up his pain. Jordan started to cry, laughing a little too. �Don� cry, please,� he pleaded, wiping a falling tear from his lover�s face. �I, I jus� wan� ya ta know�I�se love ya,� he whispered, clutching the hand of the crying boy. �So you say it now, when you�se bout ta die.� Jordan thought, choking back the tears that threatened to spill at any moment

�Race, no��

�I�se okay, jus� a li�l tired, dat�s all,� A smile spread across Jordan�s lips. �Now ain� a time ta be a crybaby, Race needs ya ta be strong Jord. Jus� make �im tink you�se not sad. Make �im as comfoitable as possible.�

�It�s okay, Race, jus� go ta sleep. I�se be �eah when ya wake up. Promise,� he choked out, touching Race�s battered face. �Don� worry none.�

�Hey, Jordan?�

�Yeah?�

�Couldja �ave me in ya �eart? Jus� like an angel?� His voice was so quiet Jordan had to strain to hear his words. Jordy smiled a bit, realizing what his love meant. He always said that when he wanted to be sung to sleep. Jordy sighed a little, knowing this was the last time he could ever sing his baby to sleep.

�Suah.� And with that his eyes closed, and his breathing became calm. Jordy looked down at him, and began the song as the angel�s do:

�Hush li�l baby don� say a woid

Mama�s gonna buy ya a mockin� boid

If dat mockin� boid don� sing

Mama�s gonna buy ya a diamond ring

If dat diamond ring toins ta brass

Mama�s gonna buy ya a lookin� glass

If dat lookin� glass falls apah

I�se still gonna �ave ya in me �eaht�

Jordy could no longer hold he tears when Race shuddered. His grasp on Jordy�s hand loosened as his body shudder again, and he drew his last breath. Jordy kissed his lips, and set his head down on the floor as gently as he could. He then turned up to the stunned boys at the top of the stairs, anger slowly building in him.

�Wha� da �ell didja do?!� He yelled, voice quivering a bit. They all looked away from the angered boy, shame in their eyes. Then one of them spoke up.

��e, �e was a, a fag. Snitch saw �im kiss you,� Mush slowly and quietly retorted.

�Wha�? Didja let �em explain?� Jordy asked, anger again, bubbling in his veins.

��e jus� kept sayin�, �Jordy ain� no fag, nuttin�s wrong wit Jordy,� An� we s�pected �e was��

�You�se s�pected! You�se didn� ask?� Jordy didn� even let them answer, he got up, walked slowly up the stairs, and grabbed Mush by the collar. Inching his face towards the boy, who a few hours ago was one of his best friends, he slowly explained all that he was going to, �Is dat wha� ya do ta friends? �e was da best poison in da woild, loved awl a you�se. You awl got blood on yer �ands now. �e loved me, an� I loved �im. Dis relationship wasn� wrong, you�se didn� even know wha� was goin� on. It was a noahmal fuckin� relationship.� he gulped, closing his eyes, before finishing, �if you�se evah wanna know wha� I tawkin� bout, go ask Medda, she knows. I ain� nevah comin round �eah �gain.� He let go of Mush�s collar, and slowly descended the stairs. He stood over Race for a few more minutes, taking the boy�s prized pocket watch, and leaving in it�s place, his mother�s small wedding ring. �Ten foity, ten fuckin� foity.� He thought, reading the watch, as he walked out of the lodging house. At the bottom of the front steps, he turned around to the run-down building he had known as home for so long. Closing his eyes, he slowly walked away from the place, once full of joy and hope, now filled with pain and longing. And the world watched as he began to slowly fade in to the background, mixing in with the dirt and grim of the New York streets.

So here I stand, on the anniversary of that night. Waiting for the moment when I can finally go home. I slowly take out his pocket watch, and look at it. 10:39. A minute before he took his last breath. I sigh and looked out at the darkened sky. �Race woulda loved dis.� I smile, thinking of my beloved Race, who somewhere where he�s finally free, just waiting for me. I looked around one more time at the cruel and dark world, knowing that I would soon be free, and he would no longer have to wait. I threw off my gray newsie hat, which held locked in it, the secret which only Race knew, the secret which had cost him his life. I smile as, finally, my shoulder length hair flew freely in the wind, Earth�s icy breath. �Say g�bye woild, say g�bye ta Cynthia Jordan Higgins.� Looking one last time at the pocket watch. My smile grew as I read where his tiny hands pointed. 10:40. It was time. I lean forward and slowly let go of the railing, my body rushing to its icy sanctuary. As I fell, I hummed a tune in my head, the same one I sang to Race that night. Before long I could hear his voice singing it to. ��ave me in yer �eart, jus� like da angels.� My body smacked into the water, but I was too happy to feel the pain, in fact, I felt as though someone was holding me, telling me it was okay. I took in a breath of ice cold water, and slowly felt my lungs fill with an absolution. A smile spread across my lips as I slowly began to lose consciousness. I smiled because I knew that I was leaving this wretched world, the world which stole my love away from me. I smiled because I knew that I was to return home, into the arms of my belov�d. My eyes slowly closed, as I sank to the bottom, all the while my smile firmly plastered on my face. Death, my savior, reached out his hand too me, and I graciously took it, knowing now that everything was going to be okay. �Don� worry, Race, I�se comin� �ome. I�se comin� �ome.�