| Nick was there with me in less that fifteen minutes, sitting with me in the doctor�s office holding my hand, listening to what Dr, Norris had to say. � So can we do this now? Or do we have to schedule an appointment?� Nick asked. � The ultrasound? We can schedule you for later today if that�s okay? Give you a little time to get used to this. I�ll have my nurse call you this afternoon with the time,� � Thank you,� nick said. � I�ll get those prescriptions for you now,� He smiled. He stepped out of his office again, leaving Nick and I alone. We both sat in silence, nick still holding my hand. � I�ve got to get out of here,� I said standing up. Nick quickly stood. � Heather, we have to wait for you prescription-� � I don�t want to wait. I have to leave now,� I said, on the verge of hysterics. � Ok, why don�t you go on out to the car and I�ll get your prescription,� He said calmly, pulling me closer to him and gently rubbing my arms. I nodded numbly and left. Somehow I made it to the car, although I�m not quite sure how. All I could think about was Marcus, and how hard I�d tried so hard to break away from him. Why would something like this happen? Just as my life is becoming normal, why would I be pregnant by a man who raped me?� I sat in the car for only a few minutes, before Nick climbed in. � How are you doing?� He asked quietly. I looked up at him, unable to hold back my tears any longer,� I just want to go home please,� The ride home was a quiet one. Neither one of us had anything to say. I was still in somewhat of a daze. Nick helped me out of the car and into my apartment. � Heather, I don�t know what to do or say here,� He said nervously running his hands through his hair. � I want to make this better. I want to make this just all go away for you, but I don�t know how.� � Just hold me,� I said the last of my energy draining from me. I looked at Nick who appears to be in as much pain as I was. His eyes flashed concern, and sorrow; his usual sparkling blue eyes were now stone gray, glazed over with unshed tears. His hands trembled, his bottom lip quivered. � I�m so sorry, honey,� He whispered. Nick wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I rested my head on his chest. � I love you, you know that?� He said. � And we�re going to get through this,� My whole body shook as I finally broke down and cried. Nick must have sensed my legs weakening, because he picked me up and carried me upstairs to my bedroom, before gently laying me down on the bed. � Heather, you need to calm down,� He said, barely holding himself together. � Why is this happening to me?� I said covering my face with my hands. � Why? What did I do so terrible?� � I don�t have any answers for you, I wish I did.� He said, his voice a little stronger than before. � We�ll figure something out, but first you need to relax. You shouldn�t be upset-� � Well I can�t help but be upset. I�m fucking pregnant! Pregnant! By Marcus of all people! And you want me to relax?!� I said sitting up. � Getting overworked and upset isn�t going to make anything better. We just need to sit back and make some decisions-� � My decision�s made. I�m getting an abortion. Today if possible,� Those words stunned Nick. He drew back as if I�d hit him. You�d almost think it was his child, he was that taken back. � Heather, wait a minute. You just found out a little while ago. You�re worried, and I understand that-� � He raped me! You can't honestly expect me to have this thing. This wasn�t out of love-� � No but why don�t we just wait until after the ultrasound. The nurse will be calling soon and after that we can decide-� � WE? This is my problem, not yours. I appreciate what you�re trying to do, but you can�t help me,� � First of all, when I say we I mean it. I�m not going anywhere. Whatever you decide, I�ll respect it, but I just want you to think about this thoroughly before you make any kind of decision,� � I have thought about this, I cannot have this child. I�m just really starting to like where I am in life, and this baby would only ruin it. I�m not ready and even if I were, I wouldn�t want this baby. This baby was not created out of anything but violence-� � Heather-� � No, Nick. I�m not having this baby.� � Alright,� He sighed, defeated. � Why don�t you just stay in bed until we have to go back for the ultrasound. I�m going to go downstairs and make some phone calls. Do you need anything?� � No,� I said. He kissed my forehead and quickly left my room. I kicked my shoes off and climbed under the covers. I ran my hand over my stomach, � I�m so sorry little one.� I said, letting a tear fall from the corner of my eye. � I�m so sorry, *** Nick and Rachel took care of me for the next couple of weeks. They helped me through the abortion and the guiltiness afterward. I stopped eating, and lost all interest in any and everything. My days consisted of going to work, coming home and sleeping. Nick practically moved in he was over to my apartment so much, and when he wasn�t over, he was calling me on the phone. Rachel was just as persistent, sometimes staying all night. I was sure Nick and Rachel had worked out some kind of schedule. Rachel was the best friend a girl could ask for, and Nick was the best �boyfriend� a girl could ask for, but with everything they�d done for me there was still something missing. Nick and Rachel could tell me they loved me �til the cows came home, but they couldn�t make me love myself. And I didn�t. I hated myself, more and more everyday. I was so tired. Tired of trying to be strong and tired of trying to have a life that I didn�t seem to deserve. Tired of fighting only to lose in the end. *** � Hey Heath, Nick called and wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner,� I said quietly stepping inside her bedroom. Her lights were off, but I could see her body lying in the bed. It was unusually quiet and that made me nervous. I stepped farther in the room. � Heather?� I said louder. Still nothing. I walked over to her bed and turned on the lamp next to her bed. � Hey Heather, get up,� I said gently shaking her. I looked at her laying there and leaned in closer. She wasn�t breathing. � Oh my god!� I cried. � Heather!� I screamed. � Please tell me you didn�t do this!� I picked up the phone next to her bed. � Nick! Call the police! I think Heather�s dead!� I screamed. � What?!� He said, relaying the terror in his voice. � She�s here in the bed! She�s not breathing! She�s dead!� � God Damnit! Rachel, I�m calling them right now and then I�m coming over,� He said before hanging up. I dropped the phone on the floor and felt heather�s wrist. No pulse. � Heather, please get up,� I cried. � Get Up!!� I screamed. I stayed next to her bed until I heard the faint sounds of the ambulance. I got up and ran downstairs to meet them. I showed them where she was and followed them upstairs. Nick arrived minutes after. Nick and I stood in the door to her bedroom completely helpless watching them hover over her shouting all kinds of orders. � Who found her?� One of the EMT�s asked. � I�I did. Is�she�.she�dead?� I asked, wiping away the constant river of tears that flowed down my face. � We�ve got a very faint heartbeat. It�s a good thing you found her when you did. A few more minutes and she would be. Do you know what she took?� � I didn�t know she had anything.� I said quietly, glancing over at Nick who solemnly shook his head. Poor Nick. Here he was standing next to me, watching paramedics trying to revive the woman he loved. He�d lost all color, and he nervously licked his lips, as another salty tear made its way down his face to the corner of his mouth. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. � C�mon baby,� he repeated over and over again. � Don�t leave me,� � They could be over the counter-� The EMT said, forcing me to tear my eyes away from Nick and back to him. � We got something Brian,� Another EMT said. � Looks like sleeping pills. She must have taken the whole bottle,� � We need to get her out of here, we�re losing her,� Just as soon as the had arrived, they�d left taking Heather with them. Nick and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. By the time Nick had filled out all the admitting papers Heather was already in her room. I went in first. The room was fairly lit, and Heather layed in the hospital bed still unconscious. She was hooked up to several IV�s and a heart monitor. She was pale, and her hands were cold. If it weren�t for hearing her heartbeat I would have thought she was dead. The woman laying in bed wasn�t the Heather I was used to. My stomach was in knots. I sat down next to her bed and silently prayed. I didn�t know Nick was in the room until he touched my shoulder. I stood up and hugged him before quickly leaving the room. Part Nine |