| Laundry day. Sunday was always laundry day. I just lounged around in a long tee shirt, a pair of socks, and sometimes sweats� if they were clean. I turned on the radio, and did my best to forget the last couple of weeks, and tried to forget Nick. � Well the love shack is a little place where we can get together, love shack baby,� I sang along with the radio. I was on my second load, and folding the first when my doorbell rang. I turned the radio down and listened. A few seconds later the doorbell rang again. I walked over and opened the door, the door chain not permitting more than a few inches. What do you want?� I asked. � I�d like to talk to you,� nick said. � We have nothing to talk about.� � I think we do. I, um, I�ll be quick, I won�t stay long. I just want to talk to you,� � I�m busy,� I said closing the door. � Ok. So you�re pissed at me, that�s understandable. I�ve been an asshole. Look, if you�re not going to let me in I�ll just tell you out here. I�m sorry. I�m sorry for doing a complete 180 on you, and keeping you away. I have my reasons, none of which you probably will care to hear. But I am truly sorry, if I hurt you that was not my intention. And I do love you, that wasn�t a lie. I�m just, jesus Heather, I�m so in love with you I can�t think straight, and that�s scary to me. You�re all I think about and if I�ve ruined what we had because I got scared, then I�ll regret it for the rest of my life, but just don�t hate me, please,� I opened the door all the way and stood there stopping him from entering. � Why�d you do it?� � Do what?� � Shut me out. You said I wouldn�t want to know. Well I do. I want to know,� � Because I love you,� � Goodbye Nick,� I said starting to close the door, but Nick held his hand on the door to stop me. � I know it sounds clich�, but just let me explain. Please, Heather,� I thought about it for a few minutes before stepping back and letting him in. � Thank you,� He said quietly. � Don�t thank me yet,� I said closing the door behind him. � Have a seat,� Nick willingly obliged, and I continued with the folding of my laundry. � So talk.� I said. � You had this whole speech planned right?� � Not exactly. I just wanted to tell you how I felt� how I feel. I really screwed up didn�t I?� � Yea you did. I thought we had something nice and you took everything that I felt for you and threw it away. And why? Because you were scared? That�s your excuse? Well Nick Carter, it�s a shitty excuse,� I said throwing a ball of socks at him. I flopped down on the couch next to him. He held the socks in his hands and rolled it around. � I�ve loved you ever since the day I met you,� He said quietly. And for a long time I hated you because of it. I hated loving you, I hated that you were the only thing I thought about and I hated letting myself fall so hard for you. So I did everything in my power to make you hate me, and it worked for a long time. But I never stopped loving you. Then Rachel told me about Marcus-� � She told you?!� � Not on purpose. It just kind of slipped out. She said she was worried about you and when I asked her why she told me. And then the next day when I saw you talking to Marcus I wanted to help, but I didn�t know what to do, and I was going to just go on to my car-� � But I saw you,� I said quietly. He nodded. � And I saw that you�d been crying, and I just wanted to take away some of that pain for you. After that day, my whole outlook changed. You were actually interested in me and we were friends. We were getting closer by the day, and we�d even gone out on a couple of dates. Everything was going too well and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And when we kissed, I got scared. That was the first time I really knew you felt the same way I did. I had wanted to kiss you for so long that when it actually happened I couldn�t believe it, and the minute I said I loved you, I knew I�d made a mistake. There was no way you could ever love me as deeply as I loved you-� � You don�t know that though. You didn�t give me any chance respond-� � I didn�t need a response. I saw it in your eyes, Heather. I saw how uncomfortable I�d made you and the only time I�d ever seen that look in your eyes was when I interrupted your conversation with Marcus. I couldn�t bear to see you look at me that so I left. And so I went back you making you hate me, but I�ve never stopped loving you. And I guess I�m just here to� um, I�m hoping we can still be friends,� � I have one question,� � What?� � Why do you always decide for me? You�re always deciding things for me. I wasn�t uncomfortable around you, Nick. You can�t tell me how I�m feeling all the time. If you love me, you have to let me make my own decisions. If you�d stayed a little longer that night, you would have found out that I was falling in love with you, but you left before I could say anything.� � I�m sorry,� He said sitting the socks on the table. � So am I. Because now I really have no idea what to say. This is complicated,� I sighed. � A lot more complicated than I remember. I care about you a lot, and I just want you to be honest with me. If you�re scared chances are so am I, and you just walking away only confuses things more. I want to be with you, but if this is going to be how it is, then I don�t even know if I want to be friends. You are the first guy that�s shown genuine concern for me in a long time, and when you decided that I wasn�t worth your time-� � I never decided that-� � That�s how you made me feel. I felt so worthless and unimportant when only hours before I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like I was with Marcus again-� � Oh god,� He sighed. � What have I done?� � Nick. I can�t depend on you like I did. In our time apart, I learned that much. I went from Marcus to you, without hardly any breathing time. And it�s not you, I still want to spend time with you, I just want to be okay with whatever happens for us. It everything works out or if we�re just friends, I just want to be okay,� � Heath, I�m truly sorry. I don�t know what can do to make this right-� � Nick, just give it time,� Part Seven |