| Anslie I actually made it through yesterday; it was hard. There were times when I just wanted to pick up the phone and call you, tell you to forget everything I said, but then I would picture you with someone else and I would no longer have the urge to call. I�ve been constantly asking myself what I did to make you go to someone else, but I can�t seem to find anything that horrible. Of course, we had our moments when things weren�t going so great, but we always recovered, but this is different. I just sit and wonder what you were thinking that night, did you think about how I was sitting at home, waiting for your call? I can tell you that while I was at home that night, you being with someone else never crossed my mind; maybe the problem was I trusted you too much. The phone interrupts my thoughts, maybe that�s a good thing, I can�t keep torturing myself like this. I reach over to the bedside table for the phone. �Hello?� �Hey, it�s Kailen. How are you doing?� �That�s a wonderful greeting, I take it you�ve heard the awful saga by now.� �Ans, I�m so sorry. I didn�t know before yesterday or I would�ve told you.� �I know.� Deep down inside I was happy to hear Kailen say that she didn�t know, because the thought had crossed my mind that everyone knew, but me. �Kev came over here yesterday, this is killing him.� �Good, he deserves to hurt after all of this.� Inside I want to scream, I hurt just as much, but that pain I�m keeping to myself. My conversation with Kailen lasted about forty-five minutes, at that point I couldn�t take hearing how miserable you were and how I should take your feelings into consideration. Why? Why should I have to worry about you? I�m the one whose world is falling apart, and you contributed to the destruction, and I�m supposed to worry about how you feel, I think not. You�re the one who put us into this position, you have to deal with the consequences and unfortunately so do I, and obviously you didn�t take my feelings into consideration. Kevin I woke up this morning and rolled over, thinking I would find you laying here next to me, when I didn�t, memories of yesterday hit me like a freight train. This was your dream house, wrap around porch, lots of windows, out in the country, this entire house reminds me of you. We were supposed to start moving your things in here this month; it hurts too much to think about staying here alone. I finally convince myself to roll out of bed and go downstairs. I go into the kitchen and I can�t help but go straight for the phone and automatically dial your phone number. I got your machine, not that I thought you�d answer the phone. �Hey Ans, it�s me. I don�t even know how to begin apologizing to you. I love you more than anything,� my voice began to cut out. �I don�t know if I can handle being away from you�� the answering machine cut me off before I could go on. I hung up the phone and plopped down at the kitchen table, head in hands and thought about how my world was falling apart, how I alone was responsible for its destruction. Chapter Three |