| Two Shandi always told me not to worry. She said that she had everything under control. When I tried to ask about where I�d be working when I got there, she said, � Its under control.� When I asked about my family, she said �Its under control.� I even asked about Nick, but she didn�t tell me it was under control; all she said was it was being taken care of� whatever that meant. But she paused when she said it and that scared me. � You�re not going to hurt him?� I asked. � Please tell me that,� � Heather, I can�t inform you of anything I do. You know that,� She said. � You just listen to me, and everything will be fine,� That sounded like something Nick would say. You do what I say and there�s no problem. You listen to me. You�re not entitled to your own opinion. You�re Mrs. Nick Carter. You belong to me. At the moment she sounded strangely like Nick. It wasn�t welcome. I hadn�t seen or talked to Nick in almost a week, which people might find strange because he was my husband, but he�s a doctor, and there were times when days went by before we saw each other. The final straw was when he raped me in the kitchen. Everything else I could handle. If he was angry, and he pushed me down the stairs or just smacked me a couple of times, my body would heal and he�d forget all about it. But for me, making love was all I had left of the Nick I married. It was the only time I wasn�t afraid and I gave myself to him completely and he gave himself to me. We�d even created a child out of our love, but lost it a few months in. I think Nick was more devastated than I was. He took care of me for a week, giving me body massages and staying beside me. That was what made me love him. That�s what makes me love him still. Nick had been drinking that night, and I knew that. Actually, I found Nick most attractive when he was drunk. Passive drunk. His eyes sparkled, He was soft spoken, there was always a small smile on his face and he was insatiable when it came to sex. Nick was the only man I�d ever known that could slur �I love you� and actually make me believe it. He wasn�t passive. He came home late, and the minute I hared him stumble in the front door I knew. He was loud, and tripped over the table in the living room. � Jesus fucking Christ Heather! What the hell is this table doing here!� He half yelled and half laughed. I had been sitting at the kitchen table playing solitaire, waiting for him to come home. I just looked over at him. � That table�s been there for three years Nick. Don�t you remember putting it there?� I said. � What?� He stumbled into the kitchen, and peered at me, cocking his head to the side. � Are you disrespecting me?� I sat the cards down on the table and looked away. � No. I was just saying-� Nick knelt down to me and pressed his forehead against mine. � I was just kidding.� He whispered. � You need to lighten up,� I smiled weakly. � It�s getting late. We should go to bed. You need to sleep this off.� � Sleep what off?� he said standing back up. � Do you think I�m drunk? Is that what you�re saying?� � No,� I said standing up myself. � I know you have to work tomorrow and I just don�t want you to be to tired, that�s all,� Nick walked towards me, forgetting about the chair between us and stumbling over it. I reached out to catch him, most of his upper body weight falling on me. I fell to the ground hitting the back my head on the counter on my way down. Nick laughed finding the whole thing quite funny, but I could feel the warm blood soaking my hair. � Nick,� I said softly. � Get up. I hit my head,� Nick looked up at me. � What?� � I hit my head,� I said louder. � I�m bleeding,� Nick�s eyes quickly scanned my face and he reached up, touching the top of my head. � You look fine to me,� But I wasn�t fine. I was starting to get dizzy and my head was starting to throb. I looked at nick through blurred vision. � Please get up.� I would�ve wiped away the tears that ran down my cheeks, but the way we were on the floor, Nick had my arms pinned under him. � I kinda like this,� He said lifting his head a little and pressing his lips to mine. � Don�t you?� � Nick, I can�t-� � Heather, I asked you a question.� He said. � Do you like this or not?� � No,� I said quietly. � My head hurts.� � You�re head hurts? Isn�t that what women usually say-� I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. � That�s not what this is, Nick I swear. I hit my head, when you fell, that�s all,� � Where?� He sat up into a better position and for the first time I was able to reach back and feel my head. I pulled my hand away and showed Nick the blood on my fingers. His eyes widened and scrambled to his feet, reaching for my hands and gently pulling me up. � Shit,� He mumbled. He picked up the chair that had fallen over and motioned for me to sit down. � I�ll be back.� He said. I nodded and sat down. I leaned forward resting my head on my arms, waiting for Nick to return. He came back in about five minutes, with the first aid kit. � Nick, don�t you think I should go to the hospital? I mean, I might need stitches-� � You�re fine,� He said cleaning it and putting a bandage on. � Its not big enough for stitches. You�ll be fine. Here,� He shoved two pills in my face. � Take these,� I plucked the pills delicately from his hand. � What are they?� � Pills,� He said, turning and grabbing a glass from the cabinet. � Just take them. They�ll help with the pain,� He filled the glass with water and sat it on the table, quickly taking the seat next to me. I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed them back with a drink of water. � I love you, you know that right?� Nick said. I nodded. � And I love you,� � So, uh, what exactly happened then, Heather?� � What?� � Tonight. When someone asks you what happened�� � I�ll tell them something. Nick.� I snapped. � But I�ll be sure and leave you out of it okay? I�ll say I backed into the cabinet or something. Christ. This isn�t about you right now. I just hit my head. As much as this my seem a shock, I�m not really thinking about you at the moment,� Nick reached across the table and put his hand on mine. � Heather, I know you�re upset so I�m going to let that go and because I love you. Why don�t we just go to bed?� � Why don�t you? I�m fine right here,� I said. �I�ll be up later,� � Because I think it would be better if we both went upstairs,� � Well I don�t. I�m pissed at you right now okay? I don�t want to go to bed. My head hurts and I just want to sit here for a while,� Nick leaned back in the chair. � Then I sit here too,� � That�s not necessary. You�re drunk. Go to bed-� � I�m not-� � Yes you are.� � You really think I�m still drunk after that? First of all, I wasn�t that drunk before and you definitely sobered me up so I�ll just sit here with you until you�re ready to go to bed.� � I don�t want you here-� � I don�t care. You have a head injury, Heather. I�m not leaving you alone,� � Fine,� I sighed laying my head on the table. I closed my eyes. � Hey,� Nick slammed his hand down on the table, startling me back into reality. I sat up. And looked at him. � What the hell is your problem?� � Dance with me,� He stood up and turned on the kitchen radio. � I�m not dancing with you-� � You need to get out of that chair, cause you�re going to fall asleep.� � So?� � So you need to stay awake for a couple hours. Get up,� He was leaned over the radio finding a radio station. He found some light jazz station and turned around reaching for my hand. � C�mon,� � Nick, I really don�t-� � Yes you do.� He pulled me up slowly and stepped close to me wrapping his arms around me. He started to sway and I just followed, to tired to actually do any moving of my own. � How�s your head?� He said softly, looking down at me. � It hurts. What were those pills you gave me earlier?� Nick shrugged. � Tylenol.� � Really? They seemed a lot stronger than Tylenol. They made me drowsy,� � That wasn�t the Tylenol. That was hitting your head. But by tomorrow, you�ll be fine. I swear. It�s just getting through tonight that�s the hard part. You�re the worst patient I�ve ever had,� � Well I wouldn�t be your patient at all if you had come home at a decent hour and not been such an asshole-� � Don�t go there,� He laughed quietly. I leaned my head against Nick�s chest listening to his heartbeat through his chest. It was at times like this when we didn�t have to say anything to each other� the comfortable silences that made me believe that maybe life wasn�t so bad. But these moments were few and far between. Nick sighed quietly, ending the silence. � This is nice, huh,� � Yeah; real nice. Thank you,� � For what?� � For taking care of me, being my husband, vowing to honor and cherish me and love me �til the day you die,� � Did I vow all that?� He smiled. � If I did, then I must love you,� � You must. You vowed to,� He kissed my forehead. � Love you lots,� � I love you,� I said looking up at him. Nick kissed me again, this time longer. The thing about Nick�s kisses was that they were always readable. When he wanted nothing but a kiss, it was slow and gentle. But if he wanted more than merely a kiss, they were awkward. They were still gentle, but the feeling behind it was different. It was that kind of kiss that Nick gave me. Realizing his intentions, I stepped back from the kiss. � What are you doing?� � I�m kissing my wife. What did you think I was doing?� He grabbed my waist and pulled me back to him. � Do you have a problem with that? With me kissing you?� � No, I just don�t-� I was silenced again by his lips and he held onto me tighter while I struggled to get away. I finally got my hand in between our bodies and pushed him away, gasping for air. � Stop, Nick. God, just stop. I don�t want this. Not tonight.� � Don�t want what? Me kissing you? Or me touching you, Heather. Which one is it?� He stepped forward, his eyes quickly turning to anger. � You still think I�m drunk? Its that it?� � No, I just don�t feel well,� � And all I�m trying to do is make you feel better and you treat me like shit!� � I wasn�t doing that-� He reached back and slapped me hard on the face. I cried out, my face suddenly on fire. The tears burned down my cheeks and I looked back at him. � Nick, please-� He hit me again and this time I stumbled back over the chair, flying backwards onto the floor, hitting my head again. The pain was so intense. It felt like someone had taken a knife and slicing it all the way down my back. I thought I�d blacked out for a few minutes, cause when I opened my eyes, Nick was standing over me. � See? Look what you make me do,� He shook his head in disappointment. � I�m sorry,� I choked out. � I�m just tired,� � I�m tired too!� He yelled. � I shoulda been asleep hours ago, but I stayed up with you! And then when I ask for a little affection, you push me away! Do you forget you�re my wife, Heather? My wife!� � Nick I-� � Shut up. You don�t get to talk anymore. I�m sick of hearing your voice. All you do is complain. You complain about everything, when you have no problems. I give you everything you ask for and I take care of you and all you do is bitch and moan about how unhappy you are.� Nick squatted down beside me. � You know what you are Heather? You�re an ungrateful bitch,� � I�m not-� � Shut up; I mean it.� He warned. My voice was lodged in my throat, afraid to say or do anything. I just closed my eyes and waited for this to be over. � You have too many privileges, Heather. You know that? You�ve forgotten your place,� I opened my eyes again, looking at Nick. He pushed the chair out of the way and ran his hand up my thigh and under my skirt. � And it�s up to me to remind you. What if I took some of those privileges away, what then?� He leaned close to me, his hot breath on my ear. � What about your privilege to say no? What if I took that away?� I felt him hook his finger under the elastic of my panties and tug at them, never taking his eyes off mine. � What about that privilege, Heather?� I cleared my throat, but still spoke softly. � I just want to go to bed,� He smiled. � Wow. Is that all you have to say? You wanna go to bed?� � Please.� � Are you asking me?� � Yes. Nick, may I please go-� � No. I�m not finished with you yet. The simple fact that you just interrupted me shows me that you�re not taking me seriously. And I need you to take me seriously,� He quickly buckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants. � Are you taking me serious now?� � Please don�t do this,� I cried softly. � Not here. We can� make love upstairs. In our bed,� � I want you right here, Heather. I want you to learn your lesson. You can�t learn your lesson upstairs-� � Nick, please. I�m begging you-� � Shut up, Heather. You�re whining.� He pulled my panties completely off and tossed them to the side. I cried softly, squeezing my eyes shut praying for it all to be over as soon as possible. He forced himself in and out of me, with his hand still covering my mouth. He was panting, and I was crying, and saying no over and over again, but mostly focusing on trying to breathe. I had never experienced someone's complete weight on my chest and well, I wasn't used to it. He wasn't gentle nor did he take his time. A million thoughts went through my head as he pounded away at me. I wondered if he would ever stop, if he was planning this, and wondering if I was going to get pregnant, since he wasn't even using a condom. I was so scared� scared that this was my life. No longer my own person I was now officially his whore, nothing more� nothing less. Nick Carter�s whore...that was me. |