Mystery Sonic Theatre 3235 by Sonic Dust ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Sonic characters are İSega/Dic, and the Mario characters are İNintendo. Raphael is İMirage Studios. Be it known I have full cooperation of the author to MST this fic, so I'm not just trashing it. I've got a license to MST, buddy, and don't you think I won't use it to the max! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- *the curtain rises on our intrepid heroes that won't be doing anything heroic in this. a blue hedgehog, a red echidna, a green tyrannosaur, and a big, buff turtle (also green). the hedgehog speaks:* "Greetings one and all, and welcome to Mystery Sonic Theatre 3235! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaw!" They all look at him for a few seconds. Finally the echidna speaks for them all. "Have you been at the bottle again, Sonic?" "NOOO... yes... but not today! Oh, no, I'm not drunk, just stupid!" He grins from ear to ear. "Actually, I just always felt like saying that in front of a live studio audience." *canned laughter eminates from nowhere, yet everywhere* "WEIRD!" the other three exclaim. "Hey," Sonic yells, "I think we can do without that crap!" The guy in the projector room wearing a sombrero yells back. "Fine, hombre, I'll kill it." He proceeds to do so. "Gracias, mi amigo, taco, chalupa, mexico city." (note: Sonic doesn't speak very good spanish) "Mmmmmm, Yoshi want chalupa!" Yoshi says, running out of the theatre. "Dangit, here we go again," Knuckles says, collapsing in the front row. "I gotta use the little turtles' room," Raph says, heading for the exit. *Sonic gets a migrane* "Why does this always happen? Can't we get all this hoo-hah taken care of BEFORE we start the show?" "Um... probably not," Knux says, peeling a JuJuBe of the bottom of his shoe. "Allright, fine, we'll be back after this." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMERCIAL Feeling like an old bicycle tire? Try Pillow! The revolutionary new invention from Pogocorp (the makers of Sticky Thing and Radon), this amazingly fluffy device is used worldwide by many renowned scientists, pediatricians and kickboxers, not to mention your average talking piston! No soccer mom on the go should be without one! And that's not all!!! ...Okay, we lied, that's all. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- *curtain goes up. raph is smiling, and everyone has some Taco Bell, yoshi with five times more than the rest* "Okay, now that we all have our gorditas and such," Sonic says, wiping fire sauce from his mouth, "can we, like, I dunno... MST the fic now?" "Sure, we got nothin' better to do" "Sounds like fun." *Sonic grits his teeth* "You guys are impossible. Today we'll take a poke at a love story that takes place in right here on Mobius. It's called 'The Art of Love'. And we're moving!" *they take their seats as the fic starts. from here on out, what the reviewers say will be next to their names, cuz that's the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it (uh huh uh huh)* ----------------------------------------------------------------------- >>Legal Stuff: RAPH: Headfirst into the action, eh? >>Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters are copyrighted to Service and Games (Sega of America/Japan) SONIC: I knew that! RAPH: Sure you did. SONIC: I DID!!! KNUX: (to raph) Let him believe it, or he'll never let it go. >, DIC entertainment and Archie Comics. EVERYBODY BUT YOSHI: YAAAAAAAAAY! SONIC: Why are _you_ cheering, Raph? RAPH: Hey, me and the brothers had a comic with Archie. KNUX: But I thought you were Mirage. RAPH: Yeah, but Archie picked up the cartoon (which was weak) and turned it into another comic series. We also had an Image book that d- SONIC: Guys? THE FIC?! RAPH: Hey, you asked, blue. >David and Joanna are copyrighted to *me* KNUX: So, nobody else can use those names, now? Man, the Ed Sullivan Theater got a little somber all of a sudden, didn't it? SONIC: Star-Me. Starmie?!?! OTHERS: NO POKEJOKES! SONIC: *hides face sheepishly* >, Stephen Zacharus -- if, for some odd reason, you wish to use these characters in your own stories, fine with me, but I hope you'd be decent enough to ask my permission beforehand. KNUX: Sonic is never decent. SONIC: Hey! >You can reach me at szacharus@hotmail.com. RAPH: Good to know. >>This work is protected under copyright law. The author grants his permission for free, unaltered distribution of this work. Any other use is prohibited, and will put you in violation of Title 17 of the US Code regarding Copyright restrictions. KNUX: Yeah, yeah, subpoena, party of the first part at the party in my condo on the beach at 8 yesterday. SONIC: I heard that was a hoot. Wish I coulda been there. >Blah blah blah. YOSHI: I don't know you, you don't know me. SONIC: Uh-huh. KNUX: Stop singing that old, dead song! >>FOREWORD SONIC: Backward. KNUX: Sideway. YOSHI: Diagonal. RAPH: Zigzag. SONIC: Enough. KNUX: Spiral. SONIC: ENOUGH!!! >>Ah, that sinking feeling of beginning a new project KNUX: While standing in quicksand. SONIC: Sounds like someone needs to prioritize. >. "The Art of Love" is the prologue of sorts YOSHI: How many shorts is that? 5? 7? SONIC: *eyebrows arch* You wanna field this one, guys? KNUX: Not really. RAPH: I'll pass. >to a Sonic the Hedgehog serial SONIC: Part of a balanced breakfast! KNUX: Knowing you, it's probably unbalanced. SONIC: Are you saying _I_ am insane? *is chewing on his arm instead of the taco* Preposterous! RAPH: You can't even spell that. Hell, I can't, either. >that I've been composing -- entitled "Aspects of a New Republic." Basically, the series is comprised of five installments, each entailing different characters in widely different situations several years post-rebellion. KNUX: Ipso facto tendum aurora borealis. SONIC: The third. >Each installment is a story in of itself, connected to the others only by RAPH: Mint dental floss. >the setting of New Mobotropolis (so, in other words, the series doesn't have to be read in any particular order for you to understand what's going on). KNUX: Sonic never un- SONIC: Would you leave me alone? Geez, freakin'! >I hope you enjoy it. ALL: We won't! >>"The Art of Love" YOSHI: Is a curious thing... SONIC: Make-a one man weep, make another man SIIIIIIING! KNUX: *covering ears* I just wish you wouldn't! RAPH: *holding lighter* YEEAAAHHH! Hardcore Huey! >is a short introduction to New Mobotropolis DUST: Hey, that's my site! SONIC: Shh! Get out of here! You can't be in your own fic! Besides, he's mentioned it before. DUST: Oh, yeah... *leaves* >and the dramatic changes that have come about since the downfall of Robotnik's empire; KNUX: You know, you'd think I'd remember if you guys beat Rodumdum. SONIC: It takes place in the FUTURE, which you would know if you'd been paying attention! YOSHI: Mmmmm, Dum Dums! >the light-hearted presentation of the piece proved, for me, to be a refreshing change SONIC: Of underwear. KNUX: You need one. SONIC: *sobs* Why must you always pick on me?! RAPH: Dry it up. God. >from my recent onslaught RAPH: Oh, so now we're going to get into X-Men. KNUX: Well, we weren't, if you hadn't mentioned it. RAPH: Don't mention it. SONIC: Too late, or were you here? RAPH: No, down the hall on the right, past the water fountain. OTHERS: ^_~? >of exceptionally dark material (i.e. "Night" YOSHI: That pretty dark. RAPH: Not as dark as my soul because of this meaningless existence. SONIC: This is a MIST, dude! Lighten up. >and "Forbidden Games"). Don't get too fond of the style, though; the second installment of "Aspects of a New Republic" -- entitled "Of Handcuffs and Blindfolds" SONIC: Heyyyy.... KNUX: *extracting bar of Zest* And history repeats itself. > -- will cover some edgy, adult themes with a bit of a wicked zest. KNUX: *looks at bar of soap* Wieeeeerrrrddd... >But more on that later ;). >>Um. Well, what more to say? Nothing, I suppose. ALL: GOOD! >Just email me with any feedback whatsoever (szacharus@hotmail.com), and enjoy the story! >--SJZ SONIC: FINALLY! I thought we were never going to start the actual story! KNUX: It had to happen sooner or later. YOSHI: It just happen much later. SONIC: Anybody need to do anything before we start? OTHERS: *look around* No. SONIC: Great! And we begin! __________________ Stephen Zacharus THE ART OF LOVE __________________ SONIC: I guess that means Stephen Zacharus is the living embodiment of the art of love. KNUX: No, that would be me. *flexes* OTHERS: b___d >>A stroke of paint. SONIC: Uhh... >Another. KNUX: Hooray. >And another. RAPH: Obviously written by a deep thinker. KNUX: Is there going to be a quiz over this later? SONIC: Don't worry; I'm sure we can download a cheat sheet from somewhere. >Each stroke was delicate and precise and singular. RAPH: Splinter had a stroke once. I wouldn't describe it as 'delicate'. >Each stroke had a purpose. >>A thin, deep touch of green. YOSHI+RAPH: Now we're talkin'! >A shade of red -- smooth and exact. KNUX: *grins* That's me... smooth and exact. SONIC: Now what the heck is that supposed to mean? KNUX: I'm smooth like butter, and exact like... uhm... ok, fine, you got me, but I'm still smooth. >>Thus, a rose was born. ALL: Aww... >>David stepped back from the canvas to critique his work. Surprisingly, he seemed satisfied enough with it as it was. SONIC: Surprised? Hell, I'm flat out shocked! KNUX: Overwhelmed is more like it. YOSHI: We canna take anymore o' this, captain! >The painting was honest and expressive -- almost perfect with its imperfections. SONIC: That makes as much sense as a cougar faucet. KNUX: What the hell's a cougar faucet?! SONIC: See? >He liked it. RAPH: That's nice. >>"It's beautiful, David," a female voice whispered. KNUX: It's... it's... ALL: A.I. 2!!! RAPH: As soon as I saw the name David, I knew that was gonna come up. >He promptly felt his mate YOSHI: Nuzzle him. KNUX: Muzzle him. RAPH: Puzzle him. SONIC: *grins and shrugs* Up! OTHERS: Awww, here it goes! >, Joanna, give him a tight hug from behind, kissing him on the cheek. "You never cease to amaze me, you know. Maybe you should try a self-portrait. That way I'd be able to fall in love with that handsome face of yours all over again." KNUX: Sounds to me like a sugar daddy situation. SONIC: Those are good. KNUX: Wha? SONIC: Sugar Daddies. They're kinda chewy, but not bad. KNUX: *blink* Do you want slapped? SONIC: Whaaaaaat? >Joanna gave a little laugh -- RAPH: One not visible to the untrained eye. SONIC: I been meaning to get my eyes trained. >that soft, dancing laugh SONIC: Tango? YOSHI: Macarena! OTHERS: *throw up violently* >that invited David to marry the feline to begin with. >>Joining his mate's laughter, the young, virile canine YOSHI: He sick? Aw... KNUX: No, it... nevermind. >reached behind him to draw her SONIC: As hentai. KNUX: Dude, I'm warning you... >into his arms. "You really flatter me too much, Joanna." >>"I can't help it. You're too perfect." SONIC: *puffs out chest* Sounds like something Sally would say to me. *suddenly, she's sitting next to him* SALLY: No, I wouldn't. SONIC: AAAAH! SALLY: *kisses him* You're far from perfect, but I still love you. RAPH: Are you guys gonna get a room, or do we finish the MST? SONIC&SALLY: *stick their tongues out at him* >>"No," he said simply, kissing her nose. "I fell in love with *your* perfection. Remember?" SONIC: Got that right. *kisses Sally again* SALLY: Better believe it. *caresses his quills* KNUX: *rolls eyes* Mystery Sonic Theatre, now in _lemon_ scent! SALLY: Fine, I'll go. *blows raspberry at Knux, then gives Sonic a farewell kiss and leaves* SONIC: *glowing* She's quite a woman, isn't she? RAPH: Got any TWA bags? I may need one in a minute, here. >>Joanna snickered. YOSHI: Mmmm... SONIC: Quick, lock the snack bar! >"That's right, isn't it? The Goddess has nothing on *me*." SONIC: There's that Starmie again... KNUX: What'd we tell you about the Pokejokes? SONIC: <:( >The feline purred lazily, nuzzling David's chest. YOSHI: I say that! I say that earlier! SONIC: Call Yoshi now for your free tarot card a-readin', mon! KNUX: De dinos, dem, dey never lie! >"I'm so tired, though, David. SONIC: Her mind is going. KNUX: *sighs* Her name is not Hal. RAPH: Or Daisy. >What time is it?" SONIC: 4:30! YOSHI: It's not late, it's just early! Early! KNUX: Stop it with the bad, obscure songs, you two! SONIC: What about Huey? KNUX: *considers* That one was okay. >>David looked up to the clock on the wall. "Aw, it's only 11:00. SONIC: But what if that clock is an evil spy, hell-bent on making him think it's early? KNUX: What a lame existence that would be. >The night's still young." RAPH: It's not old enough to drink yet. KNUX: Aww, poor night. >>"Only when I'm awake." KNUX: Problems with narcolepsy? Call me! I can turn your lights out! SONIC: Or call Antoine and have him tell you the story about how he got rid of that bunion. ALL: EWW! >>"You're such a bore," DUST: He somehow knows my chinese zodiac sign! SONIC: DUST!!! DUST: Oh, yeah, sorry! *re-leaves* >he teased playfully. "What am I going to do with you?" SONIC: Well, if he doesn't know, I could- KNUX: Dammit, you! >>"Just shut up and kiss me, silly." SONIC: Yeah, kiss me, Sally. KNUX: She said- SONIC: I heard her. >>"If you insist." >>The kiss was long and full. RAPH: As long as it's not short and empty, that's fine. SONIC: You said long again. KNUX: Shut up, butthead. SONIC: Huh-huh, huh-huh. |-( >Passionate. Breathtaking. SONIC: Are they overlooking Everest? >At that moment there was no question in David's mind as to why they had married. ALL: The sex! >It felt so right... YOSHI: Lovely lady... I am at your... feeeeeeeeeeeeeet! SONIC: Knux, you better leave THAT one alone! KNUX: I was gonna. All of "Crowded Streets" is awesome. Besides, there is a David in this fic. SONIC: True. :D >>Joanna gently parted RAPH: The Red Sea. KNUX: The Dead Sea. YOSHI: The Right Said Fred Sea. SONIC: Her hair, cuz it's too sexy for the comb, too sexy for the brush, so sexy, it feels like mush... KNUX: 9_9 *sigh* >from him and stood up. "I think I've found my second wind; RAPH: It was between the couch cushions. >I'm gonna go play on my pottery wheel." SONIC: She must be really small. >>"Sure thing. Want some wine?" KNUX: Only if you gots cheese! >>"Of course. Not too much, though -- I still need to keep my senses." RAPH: So they don't end up in the same place her second wind went. >>"Fair enough." David watched his mate slink into an adjacent room of the apartment; that long, sexy ALL: (gasp!) >tail of hers ALL: (whew!) >hypnotized him, SONIC: Telling him he was a parrot. He craved saltines for the rest of the night. *they all eye yoshi* YOSHI: What? >lightly brushing against the furniture as she walked, caressing the doorway as she disappeared into SONIC: The Void. YOSHI: Tried to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away! RAPH: Finally, a decent music reference! Uwah-ah-ow! >her gallery. >>Quietly, David made his way to the kitchen. SONIC: You go, Davey! >*Their* kitchen. SONIC: I didn't know there was a Startheir. KNUX: *clobbers him for one too many Pokejokes* >He chuckled slightly to himself, YOSHI: How do you do that? KNUX: Beats me. SONIC: I'll beat you! *clobbers him back* >thinking back to the days of the Rebellion SONIC: When he still lived on Tatooine. RAPH: Before those crazy 'droids showed up and tried to sell him landspeeder insurance. >and Robotnik's rule. Kitchens were a rarity at best in the Freedom Camps that populated Mobius RAPH: Back in 'Nam, where I lost my earlobe. SONIC: You don't have ears. RAPH: You talkin' back to me, sonny? Why, back in 'Nam, we'd a shot y'all for that kinda backtalk! >, and even then they were little more than a rack ALL: *hold themselves* DEAR LORD! >of spices and some pots of boiling water. KNUX: THE BABY'S COMIN'!!!! SONIC: What are you tellin' me for? I'm no midwife! >He never thought of the day that he'd have a *real* kitchen all to himself. RAPH: Unlike all those imaginary ones he's visited on his many acid trips. SONIC: Let's not bring drugs into this! RAPH: You know what, let's do! *pulls out a j* KNUX: What the hell, man?! Get rid of that! RAPH: Only one way to do that, you know... *lites it, takes it all in one drag* Ahhh... KNUX: *hiding eyes* America, forgive us... SONIC: *snorts* Fiend. >>He stopped for a moment, reminiscing. How long ago had the Rebellion ended? SONIC: Five minutes. KNUX: Forty-seven years ago! Why, you were just a gleam in your daddy's nose! >Three, four years? It seemed like decades ago. YOSHI: Four years seems like it drag on for decades? Doesn't bode well for how good your wife is. SONIC: Owwitch! Burn 'im, Yosh! >New Mobotropolis had been built swiftly and efficiently upon the ruins of Robotropolis, and a new republic was immediately put into order. YOSHI: I'd like a triple bacon cheeseburger with a biggie fries and a Sprite! SONIC: Make that 2! KNUX: Make that 3! RAPH: Make that 20! SONIC: *smiles* Munchies, eh? *raph giggles and falls out of his seat* >Princess Sally Acorn proved to be a very capable SONIC: WATCH IT, DAVIE... >leader, indeed -- SONIC: You're lucky, this time. >every ounce the leader that her beloved father was so long ago. >>It had only been a few months post-rebellion when David and Joanna had decided to get married. KNUX: Why couldn't they just elope or shack up like most young couples do? >Afterwards they wasted no time in establishing RAPH: *stands up with Milk Duds and gum stuck to his face* A successful showboat/gambling cruise, Tom, party of five! Make it a single! *laughs uncontrollably before puking* KNUX: Get that fool outta here! *the janitors come in and clean up the mess, but neglect to remove raph. he is lying on the floor again* SONIC: Let him sleep it off... it's the best thing. KNUX: In the meantime, what'll we do for another reviewer? SONIC: I thought you'd never ask! *reaches under the seat, produces a Pokeball* KNUX: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SONIC: Bunnipoo, I choose you! *he throws, it, it explodes, and there stands Bunnie* BUN: It's a might cramped in there, y'all! *she massages her shoulder* KNUX: Whew... >themselves in society -- and, since each of them was an artist SONIC: Formerly known as Prince. KNUX: You're the prince. Or haaaad you forgotten? SONIC: Don't give me crap about Underground, okay? KNUX: I'm not. At least I was in it. BUN: Ah wasn't. That kinda ticked me off. >of some kind, they found it relatively easy to put their talents to good use. SONIC: I'll bet they- KNUX: Zestfully! *lunges at Sonic with the bar of soap in hand* >Joanna's pottery helped satiate the demand for dishes and cookware for the thousands of new homes that had been constructed in the capitol city. YOSHI: Aww, she made those nice people some china patterns. >David's trade SONIC: David Spade, marmalade, window shade... KNUX: *to others* I think he got a contact high... >proved quite lucrative as well; art galleries were popping up all over New Mobotropolis, BUN: Almost as bad as mini-malls an' frozen yogurt stands. SONIC: Forget that yuppie crap; gimme a good ole chili dog any day. KNUX: Puke, dude! What's wrong with you, anyway? SONIC: *stands, eyes glowing* DO NOT BLASPHEME THAT WHICH IS THE DOG OF CHILINESS! KNUX: *whimper* Okay, okay! (sensitive freak...) >and they were more than happy to showcase and auction-off his paintings. Between the two of them, David and Joanna made enough money to get a lovely apartment in the heart of the city. YOSHI: At least it's not in the bowels. OTHERS: Ewwwwwww! SONIC: On second thought, there are some times when I don't want a chili dog... >They were successful and happy. It was practically paradise. >>Slowly shifting back into the present, YOSHI: First gear, it's allright... SONIC: (singing backup) Honda, Honda, faster, faster! KNUX: Whaaaaaaaaat?! BUN: (to Knux) I think he's gettin' some from that fat guy in Street Fighter. KNUX: *turns slightly green* >David found the wine bottle and a couple of glasses and proceeded to Joanna's personal gallery. To his surprise, her pottery wheel was alone and unused. KNUX: Help... I'm a lonely pottery wheel... I wish someone would use me... *bats eyelashes* SONIC: In this berg, everybody uses ya. *flips a coin as saxaphone mysteriously starts playing* That's the name of the game, sweetheart. Hill of beans, and all that. >He looked up to see Joanna sitting in her favorite spot -- ALL: THE JOHN! >on the ledge to the wide, picture-frame KNUX: 0_0 ? window that overlooked New Mobotropolis. KNUX: Oh... >She was staring out the window with glassy eyes, BUN: Oh, people with glass eyes just give me the willies! >knees drawn to her chin, ears drooping a little. >>David poured some wine into one of the glasses and handed it to her. "Hey, baby. Is something wrong?" SONIC: Honey... I think you're pregnant. KNUX: :0 >>Joanna took the glass, her eyes locked on the SONIC: Evil predator BEHIND YOU! OTHERS: *actually look behind them* >nighttime cityscape. "No. I'm just thinking, that's all." SONIC: You can do that? Wish I could. KNUX: Don't we all. *sonic beans him with a stick of Juicy Fruit... 'cuz he gotta have sweet* >>"About what?" David asked gently, sitting down beside her. SONIC: About sex, bay-bee! About you an' mee! YOSHI: About all the good things, and the bad things- KNUX: Like these song references! WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP?! >>"About life. About *our* lives. SONIC: There's a St- KNUX: *stuffs a whole burrito in his mouth to shut him up* >Look out there. ALL: *look out there* >It's beautiful isn't it? BUN: Ah don't know. Ah don't really know what Ah'm supposed to be lookin' at. SONIC: We feel your pain, Bunnie. >The city. YOSHI: Thank you for clearing that up! >It's like it never went away. I still can't believe that so many years were wasted on that fu- ALL: WHOA! YOSHI: Don't kids read this stuff? KNUX: Censorship... it doesn't suck... it's just the American way! SONIC: Yeah... stupid Americans... >war. So many lives lost... Goddess, YOSHI: Oh, My! SONIC: Not that one. YOSHI: Aww... >it was such a waste. Damn Robotnik and his empire." SONIC: Here, here! KNUX: There, there! YOSHI: Everywhere, where! BUN: Underwear, everywhere! KNUX: *smooths back his dreadlocks* Exactly what are you insinuating, Ms. Rabbot? BUN: *blushes* Well, Ah... that is... oh, fudge. >>David touched her *sonic's eyes grow rounder (if that's possible)* >shoulder *eyes return to normal* KNUX: Sorry to disappoint you, happy boy. SONIC: That's not the reason I'm crossing my legs! I SWEAR! >warmly, reassuringly. "It's over now. We're starting anew, Joanna. YOSHI: A new what? KNUX: It... I'll tell you when you're older. >It's a rare opportunity -- to leave our past behind and begin new lives. We're *happy* now, Joanna. SONIC: IT'S- KNUX: *shoves another burrito in* Every time you try a Pokejoke, you're gonna get reamed with a bean-filled tortilla, so you may as well give it up. >Aren't we?" BUN: Well, if y'all don't know, then maybe Ah don't want you, shuga! >>Joanna was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry, David. I guess I've just been overwhelmed lately. You're too good to me." BUN: Bull butter. There's no such thing as 'too good to me'. KNUX: Wanna... test that out? BUN: *smiles wryly* Why, Mr. Echidna! Y'all are startin' to sound like... well, Sonic! KNUX: *hits himself* You're right... what the heck is wrong with me?! SONIC: You guys are meanies. You're no longer invited to my slumber party. *goes back to sucking his thumb* KNUX: 0_0... must be the contact high. >A faint smile suddenly crept onto her face. "You know how it drives me wild when you wear those." >>David raised an eyebrow. "Wear what?" SONIC: Your lederhosen! KNUX: Ach, ja! YOSHI: *jumps into a parade, sings* Dankeshoen... KNUX: Anyone get that joke? Anyone, anyone, anyone? Bueler? >>"Your art scrubs." YOSHI: I don't want no scrubs, a- SONIC: Alright, now even I hate that one, Yosh. >>David smiled, surprised that Joanna didn't say something about it earlier. He always threw on his art scrubs before he started a project -- a pair of ragged, paint splattered jeans and some beat-up tennis shoes without socks. BUN: ...Oh, you romantic devil, you. SONIC: I bet he attends all the gala events dressed in that smashing outfit, found at all the finest clothiers, such as... a yard sale, a dumpster... K-Mart. >No shirt. KNUX: No shoes. YOSHI: No service. SONIC: No shi- *knux hits sonic with a folding chair* >He knew she loved it. SONIC: *stands up woozily* I sure didn't... KNUX: You DID deserve that. SONIC: I know... *chris rock impression* but why ya hit so hard? >>Joanna sighed, still staring out the window; YOSHI: She is easily entertained. >she set her wine glass down on the floor. "It's just that everything is so... perfect. SONIC: Yeah... darn the luck. Things were better when they sucked. >It's been a long time since we've known a life like this. I can hardly remember it. I don't think I know how to handle it." >>"We'll adjust. We've already been doing a hell of a job." >>"I know, David." Her voice sounded small and insecure. SONIC: Well, she CAN play on a pottery wheel. >"I know." SONIC: HEY, SOMBRERO GUY... GUY IN THE PROJECTOR ROOM WITH A SOMBRERO: No, it's cued up right. She just said "I know" twice. SONIC: Oh... stupid, rhedundant... >>It was then -- suddenly, forcefully -- SONIC: Ooooh, forcefully... KNUX: If only I could use some mental floss on him... >that Joanna leaped onto her mate, embracing him tightly and eternally. SONIC&BUN: Sweet... KNUX: I heard the tape's on sale in the lobby. *the two run out there* KNUX: Furverts... >Her kiss was cat-style, KNUX: Wouldn't that be a lick followed by a hairball? YOSHI: We're all anthropomorphs here. Don't nitpick. KNUX: Too true. *sonic&bunnie return* SONIC: You freakin' liar! There aren't ANY videos on sale out there! KNUX: Oh... must've been last week. SONIC&BUN: :`( >tongue warm and soft upon David's lips. He returned the embrace as they rolled off the window sill and onto the hardwood floor of Joanna's gallery. BUN: Oh, mah stars... *fanning her face* SONIC: Now, this is a fanfic! KNUX: You guys be quiet! >It was all happening so fast... another kiss, and another. He felt Joanna's fingers combing through his bristly, silver fur as she pressed her body against his. KNUX: Sonic... what the f*beep* are you doing?! SONIC: Uh... just, um... getting into the music. YOSHI: It's classical. There's no reason for you to be rocking like th- SONIC: Would you just watch the g.d.f. fanfic and leave me alone?! BUN: Ah... hear that, shuga hog (mmm...). KNUX: And why are you two sitting so close to each other? SONIC: Get off my case, and don't make me say it again!!! BUN: Amen, sh... shuga! >David lay on his back and held her close. >>"To the republic," Joanna whispered. SONIC: Whaaaat? But they just got started with this! KNUX: NO, NO! They're not going anywh... oh, what's the point?! >>David looked deeply into her eyes. "Long live New Mobotropolis." >>And then, in the latest of countless episodes SONIC: Of Gilligan's Island... since they were married, David and Joanna made love. YOSHI: In seven festive colors! SONIC: And six flavors! KNUX: Then what's the other color? SONIC: Blue raspberry. Everybody knows it tastes the same as regular raspberry, but we decieve ourselves into thinking it doesn't, simply because... iss blooooooooooooooooo! KNUX: Hey, what're you talking about? It does too taste different! BUN: Ah'm gonna have ta side with Spiney heah. There ain't a bit of difference 'tween the two. YOSHI: Yes, there is! *scuffle too violent to chronicle here. they all pick themselves up at the end* -------------------------------------------------------------- SONIC: Well, I guess that settles that. KNUX: HOW? All we did is beat each other up. SONIC: It just did, okay? KNUX: Whatever. SONIC: Oh... well, it appears we have reached the end of "The Art of Loooooooooooooooooooove." Thanks to my Sally-kins *kiss-kiss* (I luv you, baybee!) for her cameo, as well as Bunnie here for taking Raph's place because of his, uh... medical condition. BUN: Mah pleasure. An I mean that. *is still blushing a bit from the business in the dark* SONIC: *to bunnie* Don't mention it. No, really, don't. Ever. The last thing we need is our names in the Mobius Tattler. BUN: *to sonic* Gotcha. KNUX: That was certainly a nice, romantic fic. I give it... two stars. SONIC: Right. And as we- ______________________________ SONIC: WTF?! KNUX: What the heck was that? SONIC: I dunno... just some kinda.... line, at the end of the fic. YOSHI: Riiiiiiiight. Well, snack time! I need Hagen Daas! *runs out* SONIC: Thanks for stopping by, and we'll see you next time on Mystery Sonic Theatre 3235!!! KNUX: Where every day's a lemon! SONIC: Would you just drop it?! KNUX: Okay. *drops it* SONIC: OWW! What was that?! KNUX: "It." SONIC: No, It is a walking toupee. He doesn't hurt that much. Lurch, on the other hand... KNUX: Forget it, okay? Just a bad gag. SONIC: Huh? Oh, cool! We'll see you next time in Baghdad! KNUX: WHAAAAT?! NO, I... grr... *stomps off* They give me these jackasses to work with, and I get paid minimum wage. Where's my agent?! BUN: Y'all come back now, y'heah? ~the end~ -------------------------------------------------------------- Now that you've read this, please read & review my other fictions! I have an embarrassingly small amount of reviews for my action fics. Even if you don't read them, thanks for reading this one. Review, please!