| Same Rules Apply As In All Journal Entries |
| July 2002 Archive |
July 2, 2002 Alrighty, here we are in another month...we are into summer now, and it's July! Not only is it July...but it's...*gasp* Mini Goal Weight month!!! Well, if you've already been to my weight loss chart page then you know the GREAT news!!! I have met my mini goal one week early! I'm thrilled...really. *smiling to myself* Alright, as per usual, I'm feeling kinda down...alright, I know ya'll are thinking...geez, this girl has got serious problems! lol Okay, I will admit...(pssssst! this isn't anything new by the way!!!) that I do suffer from a case of depression, among other things (yep, been diagnosed and the whole nine...but umm, I stopped going to the psychologist b/c she got on my nerves! lol). but trust me...I don't EVEN care what the diagnosis is...no biggie, I'll get over it. whatever...no excuses...depression or not...I'm fat, I'm working on it...sheeshes...I can't blame EVERYTHING on my weight...but damn, it's a BIG (literally!) part of it...trust me, if I don't know anything...THIS i know! ...but anywho...hmmm, I just went off on a tangent and lost track of what the hell I was saying... Oh yeah, I am feeling kinda down right now...no, it's not b/c I once again saw the (damn) MTV Brandy show (has anyone else seen that show?!?! ugh must be nice...man, I tell ya...anywho!!!! moving on....)...it's just b/c I have lost a little over 60 pounds and I'm still sooooooooooooooooooooooo fat! I can't stand it...I really really really can't stand it! I'm so pissed @ myself for allowing myself to get to this point. True, I've been over weight my entire life, but it's just killing me! I am constantly looking in the mirror and analyzing myself...and I feel ill. It's ridiculous...people like me should be placed on a fat farm and not let out...lol Okay, I may be taking it to the extreme, but I have reached my mini goal..and I'm happy, don't get me wrong...but I am just frustrated...here is my analogy for my weight loss... It is like taking a teaspoon to the mountains...taking that teaspoon and using it to remove a teaspoon of dirt from the side of the mountain. Then turn around and say...hey, look what I did?!?! People would look @ you like you are CRAZY...b/c there is a small piece of mountain gone, TRUE...but there is a whole lotta mountain left... I dunno...ya'll I'll be back later with a more pleasant entry...but today just ain't that day... Jonai 07.09.02 Alright...it's stiiiiiiiiiiiill July. lol I guess that's not a Big surprise I guess. Hmm, let's see...oh yeah...I lost two pounds! My scale was giving me hell this morning by shelling out about 3 different #...but I believe the one posted (noo, it's NOT the lowest # I saw!!! lol) is accurate. Let's see...oh yeah, my B-Day is in two days...woohoo. Okay, that woohoo was said more in a non emotional, Eeyore sort of way...but anywho... Oh yeah, I did see the final installment of Ms. Brandy's (or should I say Mommy Brandy!) MTV special. See, and I am not even upset...wanna know why? Well, I'll tell ya...it's b/c hey everyone has a little happiness in their life...and it's her time. Mine will come sooner or later...but it's coming!...I just gotta "keep hope alive!" hehehe But seriously...I knew she named her Daughter this...but umm, I don't like it...she named her Sarye...okay, I am suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure I just messed that spelling up, but it's pronounced Sa-Rye. It's suppose to mean princess, but personally it sounds more like that disease, umm, just add the letters "ah-sus" to the end...and see whatcha get! hehehe...alright, that's not nice, but hey...it's true... Anyway, I am doing good in the weight loss department...motivation is still as high as usual. Umm, my clothes are looking a bit crazy...but hey, I'd rather they be too big, than too small any day! lol Of course I am sure being that I'm still overweight...I just look like a sloppy fat chick, rather than someone who has lost weight (lol)...but I don't care. *muah* I am looking for my birthday mini goal outfit...and STILL can't find anything...what's up w/all the plus size summer clothes being sleeveless. UMMM HELLO!?!?! I do not, I REPEAT do NOT wanna show my fat, stretch-mark ridden arms flapping in the wind!!! ATTENTION LANE BRYANT....I APPRECIATE THE SOMEWHAT STYLISH FULL FIGURED CLOTHES...BUT CAN WE GET SOME SUMMER CLOTHES WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIITHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SLEEVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Okay, I'm finished...thanks for listening to my random yada yada, once again... Jonai 07.16.02 Okay, this is gonna be a supet short entry...I will have to fill you all in in a few days. I have been sooooooooo sick for the past few days that I can't stand it! Who gets a cold in the middle of the summer? *raising my hand* umm, that would be me. okay, I lost 2.5 pounds. Thrilled about that as I am sure you can guess. I see the 20's...I can alllllllmost touch 'em....soon, very soon. I have decided to join a gym of some sort once I hit 219 Ibs...kinda as a treat since I can't remember EVER EVER EVER weighing less than 225 Ibs...so, 219 is a big...umm, little...umm...big??!? (okay, you get the idea!) day for me. okay...I gotta go, my nose is stuffy and my back is starting to ache...I'll really update ya'll in a few days...so check back... Jonai 07.23.02 HEY!!!! How are ya'll doing? I am doing swell actually. Did ya see the chart?!?! Yep, I lost 2.5 pounds...and guess what?!?! Aunt Flo is here too...I am sure the # is accurate. B/c I weighed myself several times and it was the same each time. Besides, if I'm bloated...the # would be higher than it actually is...so I'm safe. lol Anyway, I just wanted to tell ya'll that there is a new luv in my life....yep, I have fallen in luv. click here to see my new luv! Now, did ya click? Okay...then you know the new luv of my life is my collar bone. I tell ya...I've noticed it...but to see it in a picture I just melted! Okay I am sooooooooo not crazy! I just think it's sooo cool that I can see my collar bone. Umm, it doesn't take much to please me sometimes... Anywho...I have decided I gotta start working out NOW...umm, yesterday...hell, 7 months ago! lol I really wanna join a gym...but I'm scared. lol So right now walking is gonna do it. My alarm clock is set an hour earlier than usual for tomorrow...and I'm gonna "walk it out"... I am jumping alllllllll over the board tonight...SORRY! I just have a lot going through my mind...and I am finding it hard to express it all! Oh yeah, did I ever mention how I dislike slim people? lol Yep...I do. I just sit back and look @ slim people (females!)...and sometimes get physically ill. I mean they don't have a care in the world...you know the ones..."gee...I think I'm gonna have a big PIZZA tonight" all the while they are snacking on a hoagie (nah, not a LOWFAT Subway sandwich either!)...I mean damn, it must be nice to have a fast metabolism. Grrr... I dunno...it just sucks being overweight...and I tell ya, if you say being overweight isn't hereditary...I'll call ya a BIG fibber! lol Do you notice...no one likes overweight people? People say crap to me...that they NEVER say to this slim "pretty" (rolling my eyes) chick I work with...it's crazy...okay...anyway, *this has been a "Jonai moment of truth" lol* Anyway...it's all good. I'm gonna keep my head up...I ain't mad. I just had to state a few personal observations...anyway, ya'll have a good week, and I shall see ya next week. Jonai PSSST!!! Check out my picture page...I updated my progress pics today! 07.30.02 Ahh, twas the day before the month of August and all through the... lol Just kidding! Well, let's see...we have a lot to talk about...soooooo let's get started! First of all I must say that this is so unreal. I have never been able to continue on a weight loss journey this long EVER...and believe or not my motivation is stronger today than it was almost 8 months ago. I am thrilled. Okay, but I must admit to something...(move in a lil' closer to the screen...) {in a hushed/whispered voice}... When I first started this weight loss journey (nah, you won't get the word diet...ugh...outta me! lol)...it was purely for narassictic reasons. And now, believe me...I don't have a problem w/that...b/c no matter the reason...the choice to lose weight is positive, regardless of your reasoning...but my reasoning has seemed to shifted slightly...(note the word SLIGHTLY lol).... I want to be healthy...alright, alright...this isn't going to turn into one of those....play the violin, I wanna luv myself...BS journals...but I must say that I really do want to be healthy. I not only want to look good in clothes...but out of them too. I want to be able to run...and exercise and add "working out" to my list of hobbies. For the past two days I've been getting up early *gasp* and walking. Yeah, I know, right? lol Me...walking. Who'd a thunk it, egh? *smile* Yep, you read that right! lol But really...it makes me feel good to think that I am walking. Nevermind the fact that it takes me 20 mins to walk around the park's duck pond twice...or that really OLD people jog cirlces around me...but it makes me feel good to get out and walk. The first day I dragged my nieces w/me...but today I went all by myself...and ya know what? {<--- damn, that's a helluva run-on sentence lol}...it felt good. I don't need anyone there to walk with me...hell, I feel better going by myself...b/c that's how this journey has been for the past 8 months...BY MYSELF (aside from the great encouragement that I receive by email and by my guestbook...umm, have I ever said thanks...well, let me do it now...THANKS! W/out it...I would have surely SURELY SUREEEEEEEEELY given up by now...so thank you all sooooo much...and that's no BS!) Anyway...I've decided to try to walk 5 days a week...(m-f)...wish me luck! lol I wanna have Tina Turner legs...lol Alright, how about Lisa Turner. Who is Lisa Turner you ask...? Hell, I dunno...but let's pretend it's Tina's use to be overweight...not anymore...much younger cousin w/legs just as sexy as hers. lol (did you get that? lol) Anyway, I've been doing well...I've been drinking LOTS of water. The fact that it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hot here helps! Well, I've just gone on and on...oh well, what a great way to end month 7...on a positive note (seeeee I can be positive and happy! lol)... I'll see ya'll next month!!!! *thus ends another month of my yada yada yada!* lol Jonai |