lukearticle1



		Look Monsignor, a Hot Tub will go a long ways to making sure I don't burn in Hell by Luke

	As I walk, treading lightly through the paradise some will refer to as room 436, other refer to as "that awesome room" and I simply call home, I can't help but think, What is the meaning of this room, what is the intrinsic state which this room was put into. I can't but help to think that this room is out of whack, it has been shoved into a precarious state where the rooms existence is in jeopardy. I can feel the tension in the room, it is ripping the very fabric of the existence of its room, as its metaphysical nature is being divorced from the state that it is physically forced into. Finally, it dawns upon me, this room doesn't have enough booze nor a hot tub. Why, of course. In the semi-civilized world, a vicious, money leeching entity known as the university crams 12 people into a space of equivalent size. Prisons would accommodate 8 people in our space. Newman, somewhat better, puts in 4. But these are mortal, earthly, creations that are susceptible to failure and sin. And I ask myself, what would Jesus do? Jesus would knock down the room next door and put in one badass hot tub. I'm talking something that fits 8 people, has 10 bajillion jets and has a champagne cooler built in. Yes, I am talking about something top of the line, primo shit. If Jesus wanted a drink, would you give him tap water? No, this is a god given charge Newman must fulfill if it is to claim it's some sort of catholic thing, like you know, a dorm or something. Point is, you never know, you know. So, If Jesus comes down from his pearly gate to end the world and all I have to offer him is a Pepsi or some lame Newman tap water, I'm fucked, I mean, its a no brainer where I'm ending up. However, if I have a hot tub, it'll be a matter of "Hey Jesus, you look a little worn out from casting people to hell and raining down fire and bringing about the apocalypse. Why don't you chill out in the hot tub and have a glass of champagne?" He'll agree and after the like 3rd bottle, he'll say something along these lines "You know, Luke, you are a jerk, but you know, you at least were amusing. I mean, that one time your sophomore year when you got wickedly drunk and pissed on tom's pillow when he was gone and he never found out, man I nearly wet myself." And then we'll laugh and he'll then say something like this "Luke, you deserve to go to hell, but man you tolerated this dude for two years", pointing to Tom who is frothing at the mouth and trying to perform an exorcism on himself, "let's skip out of this joint". And all would be well. Thus, Monsignor, The ethical question is posed to you. I pose to you the dilemma of making the unexpected and unusual effort to save someone's soul. Certainly, it would seem weird for the son of man to be in company with prostitutes, murderers, and the seemingly wicked. But he did. So, too, would it seem weird that a hot tub would save the soul of a Newman resident. But it will. You must cast aside your prejudices and see things for what they truly are, to truly be a compassionate and wise teacher and become an inspiration for all good Catholics.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws