by Jim. . . Jim Owens
12-8-04
He�s walking down the Quad, passing all the sights he�s seen before, all the buildings he�s been in, all the times he�s walked this path and that. He�s walking them again, but this time with one familiar sight tagging along on his journey. A girl.
But not just a girl, the girl. Betsy, the most beautiful girl imaginable. Sleek dark hair falling down over shoulders framing a face of the palest skin, nearly luminescent in the moonlight. A late summer evening, the perfect weather, she�s wearing a tank-top that shows of her beautiful skin in a modest way. Mike is beside himself with longing, but is quite the coy fellow himself, and never a dirty thought went through his head. As he watches her for a sign while they walk, her dark eyes look around to all the buildings, mirroring the fading dusk that hides behind the surroundings this evening. How can those dark eyes see the entire world, but still not see him?
He tells her of the club he�s in that meets here and she tells him of the time she walked into the wrong class there. A friendly chat.
He still cannot imagine the number of friends he has. Why so many friends? What did he ever do for the world to deserve them? But he doesn�t want any more friends, at least not from Betsy. He wants someone to love. He wants to care about someone. When was the last time he went to bed with the ease of mind knowing someone cared about him? But this was not the time for philosophizing. This was the time for his peace. Just walking with her here made everything new and better. That stupid shape of the Foreign Language Building now held stories of foolish episodes in Spanish classes. The ever crowded lawn of the quad, always full of Frisbee players and bikini sunbathers, now held a grand assortment of happy kids, just like them, just wanting peace in life. Even the Eternal Flame, determined to only ever light when he has no girl to kiss, provided nervous anticipation for him this evening.
They walk along having their friendly chat, and they stop at Krannert to sit in the remarkable lights of the amphitheater. The cool blue light streams over them, and simplicity washes over his mind as he is able to just sit here and talk with the most perfect girl.
Simplicity is the key, you know. That�s why he can�t have her. It�s too complicated. You see, there�s always another friend. And another. And more beyond that. Good friends, too. The kind you share your secrets with. The kind who love you for who you are. The kind that would support you and would welcome your support with all that they are. But there are always more friends to be had. There�s only one girl. And there�s a chance it may be Betsy. She�s, quite simply, perfect.
She tells him about her last great hope of a boyfriend, recently lost. He listens. He nods at appropriate times, gives looks of shocked disbelief at the moments when the horrible nature of boys is brought up (though he knows it all too well, being one himself, and having heard countless stories of girls ex�s and such), and even gives a sympathetic shoulder squeeze, so she knows he�s there for her. He�s always been there for her. She needs him for now.
Girls are two sided, to tell you the truth. They want a fiery romance to alight their loins with passion. And they want a steady sweetheart to be there to cuddle with them while watching a movie and to remember that they love to eat pasta with nothing but butter on it. Somehow, they cannot make up their minds which they want. And hardly ever do they realize they can get it in the same place. That same boy to whom they confide all these desires in, and who shares the desires whole-heartedly. Boys have their own problems, but at least boys are simple.
She hugs him, and asks him to hold her so she can feel safe in the world for a moment. He holds her. This is all he ever wanted. To have a girl to hold. Please stop time, he begs. Let me sit here, and hold Betsy, and have her be comforted. She looks up from his shoulder and thanks him for being such a great friend of hers. If only all guys could be like Mike.
But he knows he can�t be a fool in love forever. Everyone tells him he has to make a move sometime. And what better time than now? Is there ever a better time than the right now? Heart beating, all sounds drowning out from beyond the tight circle that surrounds the immediate vicinity, hands tingling with anticipation, the guts just below the heart and above the stomach tightening like the muscles of a track runner waiting for the starter-gun. This is a chance. Maybe there are more, but this is the one for him.
He gently brushes her cheek, bringing his hand to rest affectionately on the tender skin of her chin. He looks into those beautiful dark eyes and sees himself. �How does she see me?� he wonders. Thankful he made a move to touch her before he shied away, he tells her that she deserves the world, and that she is the most wonderful girl he has ever known. Betsy blushes, a slight rose color coming to make her face even more beautiful in the blue lighting. He draws her to himself and with a last hopeful intake of breath, his lips come in the barest contact with hers. In that fist instant, that infinitesimal amount of time, he is hit with emotion of every sort; fear of rejection, relief of action, doubt of her intention, hope� Hope, the last great feeling of hope before his mind clicks into place. It�s always been about hope. And now here he was, spending this moment with Betsy. All in one rush these feelings go through his head. Their lips still only just brushing, the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes is the fluttering of her eyelashes as she closes hers. She tilts her head into his kiss and puts her arm up under his in a slight embrace.
Joy.
Time decides to kick back in double speed to make up for all of his slight hesitations. The kiss may have lasted two seconds, or it may have lasted two minutes. All Mike knew was that it ended before he wanted it to. But when he pulled back from this perfect kiss, he saw her striking face, and he could not help but smile in elation.
The world really isn�t a bad place. It�s just filled with places and times that aren�t perfect. But every so often, you stumble across the paramount time, in the finest place; and once or twice, you happen to be there with the perfect girl. Sometimes you�re lucky like that. But, as ever, all glory is fleeting.
She looks up at him with a smile on her face, and he has no words for her, so he just gazes back with a simple, happy look. �What was that?� asked Betsy, knowing all too well what it was. She asked in a polite, intrigued way. Mike exhaled at the fact she was not taken aback. He gave her his response. �It was a kiss, Betsy. I�ve been wanting to give you that kiss forever. I�m sorry if it offends you, or betrays your trust in me, but you really are the most wonderful girl I know, and I couldn�t go on without kissing you.� He didn�t know if it was the right thing to say, but at least it was an honest thing.
Who says honesty is the best policy? Philosophers? Parents? Honesty gets you in trouble. But at least it is honorable. And in a world where chivalry seems dead, the few who maintain it are rewarded handsomely every so often. But only every so often.
She thought about it for a moment. And she put her hand on his. As the adrenaline rush wore off, he realized Betsy would not be his perfect girl. He would not be getting another chance at that kiss.
She told him that it was sweet of him, and that she�s thought of him with the highest regards. But it wasn�t to be. She didn�t want to ruin their friendship. She was not looking for his love. Well, not his Love, at any rate. He did not hear much else of what she said. They would hit him later, all those reasons she gave him, during the countless nights he was now doomed to spend looking back. Reasons are well and good, but they don�t hide the truth. His love wasn�t returned.
He walked her home. She kissed him lightly on his cheek. At least she didn�t think less of Mike. As far as he knew though, she was mocking him for the inability to be what she wanted. But Mike was braced for such defeat. He knew that nothing would really lessen his situation from here.
Mike walked home, and never got to sleep. The days went on. He saw Betsy from time to time, but could, of course, not bring himself to give her the fullness of friendship he once had. It is always sad to see these go.
But there are always more friendships in the world. And just maybe, there�s another perfect girl out there.
~jmo