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QUEERS: YOU ARE BEING LIED TO!
Okay, okay. Killer title, but you�re not exactly being lied to�not in any malicious way. At the same time, many Transgender, Bisexual, Lesbian and Gay people are caught in the mental grip of a popular, not-quite-the-full truth.
Whether or not you consider yourself a queer-rights activist, you�ve probably still gotten force-fed the same message from the public figures and organizations that usually direct the TBLG movement:
�If queers are to be free from closets, discrimination, violence and harassment, legislators will have to pass laws, ministers will have to adjust their rhetoric, Hollywood will have to put more queer-positive roles in straight movies, school systems will have to teach healthy sexuality and dialogue skills, and communities will have to learn to find unity in diversity.�
In short, �Those people over there are going to have to change.�
Very convenient, isn�t it? Places all the responsibility for transformation on other people�legislators, ministers, filmmakers, educators and nebulous �communities,� for example�and leaves us absolved of any responsibility at all.
Our only duty (how very perspicacious we are!) is to force those great stumbling sillies to make the changes that they need to make for us to feel safe, happy and welcome. And, if straight people do not change in the ways we�d like in the time frame we�d prefer, it�s obvious where the blame lies��Over there!�
So there�s the other half-truth. Put them together and I think we have a whole.
I believe that the source of our real liberation lies inside each of us individually, and within us as a queer community. Ultimately, yes, straight people, society and institutions will have to change�no question about that. Yes, working toward that change is worthwhile, and we should all honor and support our sisters and brothers who undertake that great labor.
All of us, however, whether we are activists or not, must examine the ways in which we participate in our own oppression. How many of us have walked down Main Street or through the park with a partner and not grabbed our beloved�s hand? For how many candlelit dinners have we settled for eye contact from opposite sides of the table? How much of our time do we spend with the eyes in the back of our heads wide open, afraid to fully express ourselves for fear of attack?
The answers? Too many. Too much.
Last month I asked, �Do we really want to be free?� I still think so. Let�s start by challenging ourselves to observe the ways we think. In the examples I just gave, although there is an atmosphere of oppression that is sometimes present in public, and certainly there are situations in which it would be unsafe to do so, most of us actually oppress ourselves by not grabbing that hand, cupping that waist, offering that peck or special smile, or by only frequenting queer establishments. We do the enemies� hardest work for them by allowing ourselves to be boxed in. We assume the worst and that keeps us from our best.
You, yes, YOU, deserve a full, joyful and abundant life filled with Truth, Beauty, Freedom and Love, but if you wait for someone else, somebody �over there,� to give it to you on a platter�it ain�t gonna happen. You have to claim it for yourself.
Preparing this article, I talked with my partner about wanting to hold his hand the other day and stopping myself out of fear. We decided that what we�re going to work on first is changing our self-defeating thoughts about public affection. Then we want to establish zones of queer comfort. �Gay space.� We plan to pick a few of our favorite hangouts�places where we already feel a certain level of comfort and places that we want to fully express ourselves in�and, hopefully with the support of friends, make it so. (So if you see a couple of guys holding hands somewhere you hadn�t seen two guys hold hands before, stop and say �hi.�)
OUT Magazine honored a queer guerilla theatre group in San Francisco in its �OUT 100� of 2000. This group of partiers would choose a straight bar or club to descend upon in great numbers with extravagant, fanciful and gender-bending regalia, and proceed to forcefully claim gay space within that straight space. This is one way to go, although personally I don�t think vomiting stereotypical �gay-ness� all over a straight bar necessarily builds many bridges. Far better to just be humans among humans, I think.
My favorite example, though, is also one of my favorite memories from the Rev. Fred Phelps� [www.godhatesfags.com] visit to Ann Arbor last year. My partner dropped me off near the University of Michigan early so I could prepare for my silent prayer vigil sitting among the Phelps family holding their �God Hates Fags� signs. [Read more about my experience meeting the Phelps family at www.soulforce.org/truestories6.html.]
The first thing I saw after I got out of the car was an image more powerful than watching hundreds of same-sex couples make out on the Diag later that day, more powerful than any speech I heard: I saw two young, punk men striding confidently across South University Avenue holding hands. What I didn�t see was any hint of self-consciousness; maybe a bit of defiance, true (the green mohawk was a clue) but I didn�t see a sideways glance, not a hesitation. Just the inspiring courage to walk the world without masks.
"Public space is for living, doing business, kissing, and playing. Its value can't be measured with economics or mathematics; it must be felt with the soul."
--Enrique Penalosa
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