twisted
demented
manifesto
cemented
o, how i hate all of the hate of this world

( - for penance i will write a thousand happy love songs and pray -) 

confusions,
delusions -
illusions'
intrusions
i do not really understand at all the ways of this world 

oh, no!!!
are there voices 
watching?
waiting?
anticipating?
"You spirits -- yes, you are beautiful," i speak 

( -i will try i will grow - i'll be good - that's what i want for me- that's what i want to know - ) 

then why do i want to fix all the wrong i have witnessed? 
(i don't know -- close my eyes -- do i trust?)
then why do i feel like there's always something wrong?
(i can't say - this world is not so bad -- is it me? as i rust?) 
why does my mind fixate and tell me it's all my own fault, 
(oh no, that can't be true - no!!! that's a purposeless song!) 
when i'm just a caged up monkey all this time? an assault?
(no it isn't that way! that is not true - i'll wish and love today 
and 
move on!) 

and, the voice in my head, it 
goes:
"don't you speak
don't speak 
child"

i can't speak
i won't speak 
i stand 
i'm old now -- it's been a while 

"oh now don't speak 
now 
shhh!"

and 
i 
go 
within, 
and i ask 
God

about sin:

"why have i been so lonely so long?
why did You make me this way? so quiet, 
so much stress upon, making me weird, making me sad,
always, within, pressure upon? confused, perterbed, in consternation!
why is my faith so shaken?
where is catharsis? there has been so much war!
o, am i mad?!!
why am i haunted by thoughts that won't go away?"

(sigh. and let it go.)

o and i know i don't want to hurt another!
not even with my love, again! 
all my anger turns inside to me and it boils
lingers, evaporates and is gone
- inside a song is when! - 
my best way to cope with life, this imperfect state!
a faithful beauty as i go along

so 
i write that healing poem 
so 
i make that soothing song 
anything that helps
that child fear
not linger 
and go 
on and on and on 

o i listen to the sound
of my heart
as it pounds 
meditate to peace -
myself....
i am 
single 
and am alright 
there is release 

so long i've been alone now, yeah
so long now it doesn't even matter if i'm in a crowd
so alone i don't mind not being alone anymore 
maybe this is growing up 
to know what it is to be strong 
maybe this has made me a man 


i am too tired to die
too bored to cry 
i love this world 
with every 
fibre 
of my heart and soul, or tears that i cry 
and i don't know why 

i just want to open up everybody's eyes to love 
(if i could) 
i just want to join the God above 
(will You have me?) 
and then we'll all get together and hold hands 
(in that next life) 
and wonder at this life's magnificent creation 
(yes) 

and for the first time ever
feel 
LOVE

O, but to feel real love!!!

Give love!

 

On.