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Tamara was released from hospital three days later. Her psychologist, Bob Green, drove her home. As Tamara opened the door and went inside, the emptiness of the house hit her face. "How can I go on without my children?" she asked herself. Bob placed his hand on her shoulder. He knew how she was feeling but felt powerless to take the hurt away. "You'll get them back, Tamara," he said. "I'll help you anyway I can." He then suggested that he get someone to stay with her for a few days until she was able to find a more permanent solution. Tamara thought for a moment. "Was this to be the pattern of her life...constantly depending on someone or other? Would she never be capable of making a decision on her own?" With tears in her eyes, she looked at Bob and thanked him for his kindness. She then assured him that she would be all right...that if she was to become a stronger person, she had to learn to rely on herself, starting now. Although Bob didn't voice his opinion, he felt strongly that she wasn't yet ready to be alone, but respected her desire to give it a try. Making sure she had his telephone number if she should need him, he said goodbye to her and left.

Tamara walked through the empty house, pausing by her sons' room but not daring to enter. "What are they doing now?" she wondered. "Do they miss me...ask for me?" She quickly changed her train of thought, knowing it would do no good to think that way.

She turned on the radio and the music cut into the silence, helping to dispel her many thoughts. Busying herself by watering her plants and looking for things that were out of place, the remainder of the morning passed quickly by. While she was preparing lunch, she noticed that she had laid the table for three. The sight of the two empty chairs filled her with a hopeless despair and she sought refuge in a corner of the sofa where she curled into a ball and cried and cried as if her heart would break. A heaviness overtook her and she fell asleep.

It was growing dark when she awakened so she turned on several lights, hoping their glow would dispel some of her growing fear. When the telephone rang, she rushed to answer it, hoping it was Steven calling to tell her he'd had a change of heart...that he hadn't meant what he said at the hospital. But the voice she heard was Bob's, enquiring as to how she was. Trying not to reveal her disappointment, she assured him that she was fine and that he shouldn't worry. "Dear Bob" she thought as she replaced the receiver. "It's nice to know somebody cares."

Tamara tried to watch television but the figures on the screen blurred before her eyes. Every strange sound made her jump and she knew she should draw the drapes but then she would feel too closed in...too claustrophobic. With the drapes open, she felt she had some small contact with the world outside. She recalled the talk she'd had the day before with Dr. Kelly, the hospital psychiatrist...how kind he had been to her. He was familiar with panic disorder and had prescribed a medication for her to try. The pills were in her handbag but she was afraid to try one while alone...what if she had a reaction? Deep inside she knew it wasn't really a reaction she was afraid of. "What if I'm tempted again?" she asked herself, but immediately knew that she would never do anything like that again.

As the night wore on, her anxiety increased. She couldn't sit still and began pacing back and forth. She decided to go to bed where she hoped she'd fall asleep for a few hours. As she lay there listening to the pounding of her heart in her ears, she knew that sleep would be a long time coming. The pounding of her heart continued until the sound seemed to fill the room. Padding out to the kitchen, she prepared to heat some milk, hoping that would make her sleepy. She peered through the window while waiting for it to heat and was surprised to see a taxi draw up in front of her door. As she watched, a woman climbed out with a suitcase in her hand. Tamara was rooted to the spot where she stood. Even when the odor of burning milk reached her, she remained where she was.

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