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When Steven heard Tamara's voice, he tried to hide his impatience. He knew she was alone and scared but he had his own life to live now and it didn't include Tamara. He doubted that the boys were crying for him - that it was a ruse to get him over there. Well, Tamara would just have to wait. He and Beth had a dinner party planned for that evening and he had no intention of changing his plans because Tamara was in need once again. Cruel maybe, but if he gave in to her every time she called, she would end up having him there constantly. And then he would have Beth on his back. He told Tamara that he would stop by the following day. "But Steven," Tamara said, "the boys need you now!" But Steven had hung up.

With the receiver still in her hand, Tamara couldn't believe that Steven could be so cold and uncaring. Stripped of all dignity because of her fear, she once again called his number. The telephone rang and rang but no one answered. "Please Steven, please pick up the phone!" she whispered. But she finally realized that he wasn't going to answer, so she placed the receiver gently back onto the cradle.

Feeling so very dejected, she walked to the sofa where she curled up into a ball. Tears coursed down her cheeks. She felt abandoned. No one cared! No one! Suddenly she felt tiny fingers on her face, wiping away the tears. It was young Matthew. She saw his twin brother standing behind him, valiantly trying to hold back his own tears. "What's wrong, Mama? Why are you crying? Does your tummy hurt?" Before Tamara could stop herself, she blurted out, "I'm scared!" Matthew's small voice said, "Don't be scared, Mama, we'll take care of you, won't we Mark?" Tamara pulled them both to her and rocked back and forth. "I must get control of myself!" she thought. "I can't act this way around them! What was I thinking?"

Gathering all the control she could muster, she told the boys to get their story book and she would read to them. Their favorite story was 'The Little Engine That Could' and as she read it she hoped that one day she could say, "I knew I could! I knew I could!"

Darkness descended once again and as she tucked the boys into bed, the thought of the lonely night ahead weighed heavily upon her. Maybe she would call her neighbor and ask her over for a cup of coffee. But her neighbor had plans for the evening and asked for a raincheck.

Feeling even lonelier than before, Tamara once again curled up on the sofa. Knowing that the children were asleep, she allowed the tears to flow once again. The ring of the telephone startled her. "Steven!" she thought. "He must have changed his mind." She ran to pick it up only to hear her mother's voice on the other end. Disappointment washed over her. Why was her mother calling her twice in one day? She didn't need this! With nerves stretched to the breaking point, she screamed into the phone, "Don't call me anymore! I don't need you! You weren't there for me when it mattered so I don't need you now!" As she slammed down the receiver, she realized that she was acting like a crazed woman - out of control. She raced to the bathroom for her medication and, looking at the almost full bottle, she thought to herself how easy it would be to take them all and not have to face the following day and all the days to come. With the pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other, she went into her bedroom and closed the door.

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